I have been posting on these forums sporadically about my grandmother that we moved to an independant living facility near all the family and appreciate all the support I have been given. My grandmother is very high maintenance and needy with no concept of the physical care she needs...mobile only by scooter, incontinent, stage 4 kidney disease, and heart failure are her most significant issues though there are many, many others. She is running out of money, approximately a year to year and half left. Because of her poor health we have not brought up the inevitable nursing home as we are frankly quite surprised that she is still alive and know a lot can change in the next few months.
This weekend, we had a 50th birthday party for my husband with all family there. My grandmother called a family meeting and outlined her ideas for her care.
Option 1 - Contributing $20,000 for somebody (we all know that it was aimed at my husband and I) to add a home addition with accessible bedroom and bathroom that is more likely to cost $50,000
Option 2 - My husband and I install a stair lift for her to take over our guest room upstairs with her dogs.
My husband and I have 3 year old twins and my 85 year old father-in-law with dementia lives with us, plus we struggle to run our home business with their care already.
Her friend has already told me that she is hoping to move into my FIL downstairs bedroom if he passes away. That is bad enough. Even if he were to pass away, I would seperate my opppsosite sex twins who are sharing a room and make the bathroom between child friendly.
I am flabbergasted and was speachless. I guess my silence said it all as she cried and stated how she took care of us (that's a lie - rarely did she and it was never without strings attached), but that's besides the point.
I am on the fence of letting her know flat out that living with us will never be an option or waiting until it becomes necessary. I am concerned abouther having a heart attack by telling her that a medicaid nursing home will be her final residence and dealing with that guilt of that.
What is the best way to handle this? Thanks!