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I know why I didn't cry! She sucked the life right out of me! My Mother-in-law died last week, and at the funeral nobody cried, or even looked distressed that she had passed away. As I scanned the church, I didn't see one soul that looked upset. I knew I wasn't, but I think it's telling to see the rest of the family felt the same way! Even the Pastor officiating at the cemetery, said, "We buried an angel today," and then winked at us! I guess it's obvious that she was awful to everyone who knew her! I kept thinking she was just that mean to me!

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I did not cry at my mom's service just a few months ago. I had cared for her 24/7 through four years of her dementia journey. That time sucked the energy and and life out of me by the care and a dysfunctional family that just did not get it. And I had a two year reprieve from when mom went to memory care and I went back to trying to reclaim my life. I am still working on reclamation and have moved four times in two years in the effort. It is a lot of work maybe one day....
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Perhaps it's not much more unusual than the incidence of deceasees whose loss we may not necessarily mourn? And perhaps that's because people are not always as euphemistic and politely hypocritical as we often accuse ourselves of being.

Three examples stick in my memory - the long-suffering daughter seen to be beaming from ear to ear as the mourners arrived; a dog-walking friend who, having just told me it was the anniversary of his mother's death - and naturally I was right in there with "oh I'm so sorry to hear tha-" - added "she was a b*tch, and I hated her"; and, but, then, the son who paid a loving but still honest tribute to the mother whom *everybody* *there* knew to have treated him especially abominably.

Sigh. People, eh? But you know, if we can't manage to be good and kind and true in this world when that's the way to heaven, we're definitely not going to do it just so that people will cry at our funerals.

It's almost never personal, by the way. Gosh it took me a long time to learn that! - but it's true. If someone is consistently horrible to you and you genuinely can't think what you could have done to cause offence, that's the time to check out how they talk to and about others. Pound to a penny it's to do with what they're like, not what you're like.
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I never cried at my father's funeral and he was a good dad, on the other hand I bawled my eyes out when my brother died even though I was seated with his kids to help them get though it.
I think some people - some families - cry more easily than others, and some deaths are easier to handle because they are... maybe not expected, but more emotionally acceptable, especially when the person is old.
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