My mother has had a couple hospital stays and I've started to believe my dad is not an advocate for my mom's best interests. What do I do?
During one hospital stay mom became agitated and disoriented at night. One of the doctors ordered Ativan to calm her, but overdosed her and she ended up in a coma-like state for 48 hours in ICU until she recovered. My dad never asked about her medication schedule and when released from ICU wondered if the hospital should use restraints. I shuddered at his suggestion. I told him I was sure this episode was due to mom's dementia and sundowning and told the staff no more nightime meds and absolutely no restraints. Use other calming methods. He just shrugged.
More recently mom fell at home and dad called 911 to pick her up and they took her to ER where she was admitted for a few nights. When I visited her, she was in the cardiac unit hooked up to a heart monitor but no visible display of vitals, she had an IV, and didn't have any compression stockings even though she wasn't getting out of bed. Dad had no idea what the monitors were for, why she was in the cardiac unit, and no clue what meds were in her IV. He could have easily allowed the staff to administer Ativan again and put her in a coma-like state once again. I only found out by questioning the nurse that she was in the cardiac unit because that is all that was available and her vitals were otherwise all normal. Fortunately, nothing bad happened and mom was released the next day.
I know dad loves mom and is doing his best. He takes care of her laundry, meals and day-to-day needs. However, when it comes to anything more I'm questioning his inability to monitor things which could put mom at risk. I'm worried and so frustrated. How would you handle this? What would you do? Thank you.