Uncomfortable question from caregiver. Have you ever been asked for money?

There was a caregiver who did this to my bedridden father. He really, really liked her. He wouldn't listen to me, but if she tells him the same thing - he would do it because so-and-so said it. One night, she came to our house close to midnight time! I was wondering what was going on. She came to ask money from my dad. He told me to give her the $70.00. When I tried to reason with him, he told me that it's his money. So, I gave it.

I put a set amount of money for dad. I also log every cash that goes out and I replace. When I check the envelope and cash is missing- I saw that oldest sis wrote down that dad told her to give the same caregiver money. I noticed that she came once or twice a month. I didn't report her because my dad was improving due to her. He would do whatever she told him - exercise his arms, his legs, etc... I weighed the pros and the cons.

You all are right. It does escalate. One day, she agreed to take him out. I knew that this was very dangerous because no one has POA over dad. It would be sooo simple for her to take him to her lawyer and have him sign her as one. I said no, that she can't take him. She just completely ignored me. Didn't even look at me. She made an appointment with him on Thursday. This was a Tuesday.

What the caregiver forgot - was that she was working under an organization that's for the home caregiver - Me. Not my dad. I was the client. So, I wrote to my social worker the whole story of what so-and-so was doing. That I have documented all the cash she took from my dad, and that I even had her sign the cash log out sheet once. I also had a copy of the Home Depot receipt that she gave me to show what she was using dad's money for. (Her personal use.) I also told my SW that in all these months, every time so-and-so took money, I told all my family about it. So, everyone knows what's been going on these past few months. I mentioned she was going to take dad on Thursday. When I said no, she ignored me.

She was immediately pulled away from caregiving. HR will be handling the situation. And SW reassured me that they have informed her to stay away from us, my dad and my family. When they asked me why I didn't tell them right away, I said that dad really liked her and was improving under her. I know that it was wrong to wait so long... Would I do it again? Yes ! (She was one of many who helped my dad calm down from a mean old bitter physically abusive man to a bit nicer person.)

I documented everything and oldest sis (stays home) updated me.

Angel's advocate. Is she an excellent caregiver?? What kind of person is she?
Maybe she feels comfortable and can trust you...perhaps she has nowhere else to turn and no support system. I'm not saying to give it to her, yet in desperate times such as these, ppl are doing unusual things.
By all means, trust your intuition.
I would go back and tell her the truth. Tell her you said that because you were uncomfortable and didn't think it was appropriate. Encourage her to open up and tell you more about her situation, and then you can offer all these great ideas...She may just need a lil support...
I'm not quick to dismiss anyone anymore....it's tough out there ppl (however, I also don't have "sucker" written on my forehead)
Go slow. It's harmless to talk it through before taking any other steps....

That's a very nice restoration of faith in humanity, Dof1930 :)

I wish it *could* be recommended, sigh.

When my mom was in nursing home a nurse there was visibly upset one time. She was a nurse our family liked and who was very good to my mom, a middle aged lady. My dad, younger and healthier at the time, talked to her about what was bothering her. She told him she desperately needed $500 that day, but didn’t tell him why. I knew nothing of this at the time but he went and got her the $500. She told him she knew this could cost her her job and she’d repay him as soon as possible. In a few weeks she started giving him money, and over a few months she repaid the whole $500. I was amazed my dad did this, more amazed she repaid it, still don’t know what it was for and never will, and still don’t recommend it! My dad remains quite proud of it...

I would report this to the agency.
this should not occur.
this is an abuse.
There may be some people that would think that if I don;t give the care giver extra money they they will not take good care of "Mom".

If you do give this person money it will not be the last time that they ask.
And just think this is asking one family...if this care giver works with more families and they ask each one..that is a lot of extra income that is never reported.
Ok just call me a cynic....

All posters have great points....
I too was asked by one of FIL’s caregivers. I happened to know that every agency I worked with in their hospice programs as a provider myself had very strict rules against such a thing and I told the caregiver this.
As much as I liked this individual, I reported her to the supervisor because she crossed the line of professionalism.
I knew that either way, we were in a lose-lose situation and I resented her for putting me in that position.
If I gave her the money, she’d continue to ask. If I didn’t I’d run the risk of her being resentful and either taking her frustrations out on Dad in some fashion or decide that taking something of value from our house would be okay.

I would reply as you did, but as soon as she is gone report her to the agency.  Otherwise she is going to continue doing this to others and you.

I think Hannah has put her finger on it. Most agencies have rules about things like that, to protect their clients. What if this lady had asked a vulnerable elder for the money? - clear abuse of trust, definite firing offence.

Come to think of it... How do you know she hasn't asked all her clients?

I don't mean you shouldn't be sympathetic to her difficulties, as you might be to anyone who discussed their money worries with you. But if she's struggling to make ends meet then it's a bigger issue than some kind person bailing her out "just this once" will solve. What more do you know about this lady?

Not only this, but now you know there is a person around who needs money and might take something of value if she has access and your mother is not otherwise monitored.

In my experience most agencies have very strict guidelines about personal interaction (outside actual care giving) between their employees and family members. After my Mom passed, her HHA called me several times asking to be hired for my father, crying she had no money, etc. When we eventually did hire someone for my father I asked the agency to please not send this particular person. They were appalled when I explained why.

It depends on how much you like this caregiver because if you report it to agency, she would be terminated. At the minimum, ask agency not to have her return if you feel uncomfortable with her. You can always suggest to her that local churches will often pay utility bills for people in need.

I was asked. I answered with I could actually pay you for actual time worked up until that day(middle of pay period). It worked, and it never really happened again. It's a hard position to be put in. God bless, and healthy 2018

I've been asked for money by employees over the years. I think some of them are testing the water.

It's hard when you are put on the spot like that, I can't imagine anyone being as brazen as your caregiver though. It's a no win situation, if you say no you feel like an uncharitable scrooge, if you say yes you feel used and are left to wonder if you will ever be repaid and when she will hit you up for the next loan.