Uncomfortable question from caregiver. Have you ever been asked for money?

Never had that happen, but in-home caregiving was minimal one-hour check and only lasted a few months as mom refused to let them in.

I would defer to what others have said in particular LesleeB:
"A caregiver taking money from a client, with or without permission, is usually a violation of licensure rules for the agency and could result in a loss of their license and/or Medicaid contracts."
I could not find anything about this during a quick search, however I would suspect ALL agencies would have this policy and this person is breaking the rules. It might be a legit need, however it is still against the rules. First you do not know what the real scoop is - has she been asking all her clients for this? Then, if you do agree to do this, what is to stop her from asking again and again?
Yes, it is wonderful if we can afford to be charitable to those in need, but this IS not only a moral issue, but an ethical one. I would have to say no. She needs to find a way around this, either making arrangements with the utilities, seeking charitable help (some mentioned churches) or seeing if one qualifies for any government aid.

The reason I say No No No, is because you don't really know what type of people Caregivers are. People don't have to have a criminal background to be a user. Now if you have money to give away that's a different story, but you ask the question and I feel, people should keep work separate from things like that. (I'm going to want my birthday off) I can see MAYBE, giving gifts of ur choice at holidays & birthday, buy a person might need $200 dollars a few months later to pay a water bill and what happens when they can't pay you back,? You get upset, walk around with chip on your shoulders, find fault in everything they do and next thing you know, you want them fired. In these times, we need to think about what we doing before we leap.

Don't start something you can't finish.

Ihave1now has posted a workable solution.

You cannot not ascertain at all times, whether a plea for help is genuine or not.  At some point of time, everyone needs a bit of help from others,  So, what to do?  If the amount is not significant enough and you can part with it without creating any financial difficulty for yourself, then go ahead and give it to her as a personal check, after putting it in writing as a temporary loan with signatures from both parties and a witness. Indicate the acceptable terms of repayment. Tell the person that going forward, you want a professional relationship and you are not to be bothered again for another loan. Thst would be the proper way to go about it.

It does takes a bit of your time and effort, but you would have the satisfaction of helping someone out.  How often one gets an opportunity like that?  Some of us go about our own lives without spending much thought on what’s going on around us.   Maybe, this is a test of faith.

The winters are getting colder than usual due to climate change.  Does the caregiver have children?  Enquire about it and see what else you can do, if you have decided to help her out.

You need to report her to the agency she works for. It should be against their policy and they need to know she is asking her clients and their families for $. Once the agency is aware they should then check with anyone she has serviced and inquire if she has also been asking them.

After reading some of these comments about the people who make it possible for caregiving not to absolutely kill the caregiver by assisting with your loved ones, I find some of the attitudes deplorable. I wonder if any who basically have the attitude that aides and sitters are all POOR PEOPLE so cannot be trusted around your loved ones is nauseating, to say the least. I feel sorry for people employed by some of you.

WOW people. I am totally amazed at the stuff coming from this thread. I feel so terrible for the honest, compassionate, dedicated caregivers out there. This is NOT about you.
I was SO fortunate to have an amazing group of HHA's over the 4 year period when I needed them for first my Mom, and then 2 years later for my Dad. We had a 2 live in aids, one who I mentioned in an earlier post. The second one was so GREAT. I know she did not have it great. But she never asked me for one thing. She never asked my Dad for anything. She was with my Dad when he passed away and I was enroute to his house. I wanted to get in touch with her but that night she told me she would never speak to me again because it WAS AGAINST THE AGENCIES POLICY. She was a true professional. No matter what - the people you hire as caregivers are being paid a very good wage. Do NOT accept and think you have to take care of their personal hardships.

An absolute no. It is not your responsibility to pay for your caregiver's utilities.

NO NO NO NO

We learned only when taking over my Mother's checkbook that she had been making "loans" to her agency caregiver - undocumented except for the memos in her checkbook such as "loan to Shannan for car." In the big picture, placing low-wage unskilled workers with vulnerable elders is a recipe for some type of abuse. It started small, $25 or $50, but within a year Mother had "loaned" Shannan almost $3000. For her part, Shannon did a good job. Mother looked forward to her daily visits and personal care she provided was needed and valued. My brother and I struggled with deciding whether to report our findings to her agency - we knew it would result in her being fired and replaced which would upset Mother. We had honored Mother's wish to stay in her home as long as possible but knew that needed to end; and without access to her checkbook, we knew the "loans" would end. We decided not to report Shannan, but arranged a meeting with her and Mother in which we discussed the problem and asked how they wanted to handle it. Shannan, divorced with 3 kids, tearfully admitted that she knew it was wrong but was simply unable to earn enough to get by. We honored Mother's wish to to gift the "loans" to her and she continued to visit Mother daily both on and off duty for about two months while we handled Mother's affairs and got her moved into Assisted Living. Shannan continued to visit and came to Mother's funeral 18 months later. I don't know whether we were right not to report her - but we did what we felt was best at the time for Mother, for us, and for Shannan.

Helping someone is OK if you can actually afford to do it and you're actually working making a decent amount of money. However, it's not so good  if you're really not making it even if you do happen to be working. Sometimes shelling out money when you're already hurting financially is a huge risk, especially when  whoever your lending the money to may not be able to repay it in a timely manner if at all. It's understandable to want to be able to help someone to turn the utilities back on if say something like the heat during the dead middle of winter is off because your utility is off or your heater just needs fixed. However, if you're not working, it's not easy to replace lent money, especially if you can't even afford to start a family because of your own lack of finances. If you're on welfare, any form of Social Security or disability program, sometimes it's easy to want to splurge if you're making a considerable amount. The problem is when you need something later on, and that something may be a big ticket item like a car or some other  necessary item but you don't have the money to meet that need. That's one things can get a little bit problematic for you, especially knowing there are people out there who are able and in a position to help but choose not to. I'm talking about the Philthy Rich who are out there who can easily  replace the money and still go on to help others after you but simply choose not to as in the rich man and Lazarus, those are the kinds of people I'm talking about, the greedy rich who can't afford to help people but don't. This is why I'm so glad President Trump took office when he did, because he can go after where the money really is and get it back into the hands of the people who most need it. It's not right when you have a widespread problem of struggling Americans who can't even pay the bills or stay afloat just because the rich have all of the countries money while the rest of the people suffer, that's not right and what you're describing is an example of exactly what I'm talking about. Apparently there is a lack of money or this caregiver wouldn't be hurting  so bad financially to ask someone else to help out. Apparently there's a problem with the agency if the agency hired this particular person. Either the agency doesn't have the money to pay their workers what they need to pay out or they have it and are just being greedy and causing their workers great distress. I don't know the whole situation from this caregivers and or if someone may have asked her for money, is this possible? Maybe she lent someone else money and now it's cutting her short, is this a possibility and have you asked her? Is it also possible she may not be managing her own money too well, and now her own utilities are off? I would ask a few questions if I were you, And you may not know that she may not actually be a fraudster testing the waters to take a vantage of whoever she cared. You just never know these days but not everyone is out there to drain your wallet when there are so many people out there who are legitimately hurting where as others are just in it for all they can get. 

I'm not helping with no one right now, but I have been asked for money recently by someone who knows I have a pending lawsuit against a fraudster who took advantage of my bio dad with Alzheimer's. This person knows I'm most likely to collect big and she recently asked me to lend her some money. I had to just simply explained that I'm not working and this is a one time gift I won't easily be able to replace, especially if I don't get it back. I told her as a rule I don't lend money, especially knowing I'm not working. I also had to explain that a good much of it will probably have to go toward a car I so badly need along with most likely other things I need such as new tires for my mobility scooter and batteries for one of my other chairs. I explained that it might not be so bad if I was working, but I'm not but even if I was working I still don't lend money, especially since lent it's money is so hard to get back.

If you lend money, you may as well not lend it if you can't afford to lose it. Lending is a huge risk I for one am not willing to take especially since I'm disabled and not working. When I get the winnings from the lawsuit that's dealing with the aftermath of elder financial abuse by a fraudster who took advantage of my dad before he died, I'm pretty much putting it in my able account after getting a car on the road and paying any necessary expenses to get that car on the road. I'll definitely need money for repair and maintenance, plates, handicap placard and insurance. Sometimes you just have to plan ahead to prevent becoming a target for others to come to you wanting money. You have to keep your own needs in mind. Just keep looking ahead at your own needs, your bills and the uncertainty of your future. I know what I'm going to do is do my preneed through a friend of mine's funeral home, another expense I know I'm going to need to invest in, especially since right now I don't have any family and even if I did, I definitely wouldn't want to burden them with an unexpected expense of a funeral. I already have plans for a POD account to bake the funeral home the beneficiary, so no, there's no room for lending here, especially knowing I may never see that money again

I had one aide that did that. She wasn't the most experienced, but she was far more dependable than most. Most of the time I told her no. Usually it was 10 bucks or so for gas money. But she lived right down the street from me and could walk.
Not a comfortable thing for an aide to do, but that's how some people live and don't think anything of it.
After several years of hiring home health aides it became evident that a lot of them cannot find any other type of work. Not the most comforting thing to know, but it does explain why it can be so difficult to find good, reliable help.
Once you say yes, they ask again and again. I said no and that I don't do that and I would appreciate her not asking again. Yes, you do have to worry about the care that person provides, but if it's a concern then start looking for a replacement now before you need one. That comes from my own personal experience. Good luck.

I had a client who used an in-home care provider for a couple of weeks after she had hip surgery. This woman has been known in the past to be taken advantage of by so-called friends and so we immediately were on our guard when she had someone come in her home. Long story short she ended up feeling sorry for the caregiver and signed a lease for a home two streets away from her and ended up constantly giving the caregiver her debit card for little expenses. The caregiver ended up staying with her for about 6 months longer than was initially assessed. She wouldn't say no to the caregiver and the caregiver definitely took advantage of her. The really awkward part is that the agency was in the same business complex as my office so we had to go over and report it to them and she was fired about five weeks into the job but just stuck around because my client was silly enough to pay her. We even noticed that the caregiver started using her car for personal errands and loaning it to relatives. It's too slippery a slope.

I agree with everyone above. She should have been reported. Also, if someone does ask for money to pay a utility bill or rent and ur willing to help...pay the utility company directly. If the person is lying, they will back off. Utility companies don't care who pays the bills just wants them paid. I was on a committee at Church who helped people financially. We always paid directly to landlords and utility companies.

Ask for a copy of the heat bill.
If you help, pay directly to gas/electric

You were right not to give her any money. A caregiver taking money from a client, with or without permission, is usually a violation of licensure rules for the agency and could result in a loss of their license and/or Medicaid contracts. Caregivers know it is wrong and are taking advantage of their relationship with you by asking. Reporting this to her agency is a good thing because it will keep her from preying on others.

As an agency owner, I provide payroll advances to my caregivers when they are in a bind so that they will not be tempted to resort to asking clients, or worse. I can always get my money back out of their paycheck.

Some caretaker arrangements would allow for the caretaker to ask the employer for an advance in a situation like this (overdue power bill) but they are usually private agreements between the employer and usually a group of caregivers.

I know someone who is employed as a caregiver and the elderly gentleman will offer advanced money if my friend has an emergency or overdue bill.

BUT she has worked for this old gentleman for over ten years and he knows her very well.

If this caregiver was hired from an agency then it’s kind of presumptuous. But it’s not as odd as you’d think.

RayLin,
See if you can sign up for IHSS (In Home Support Services). It's a government agency that hires caregivers to be able to keep the patient in their own home. I don't know if other states have this but California does.
I was my dad's c/g and was paid minimum wage (20 years ago). They set the amount of hours he qualifies for. Hubs would have to meet the criteria. Make a list of all the help you give him and give it to them.


I have the reverse problem. I work for a private home care company as a nurse. My patients' family, at times, tries to give me money. I tell them I can't take it (morally and against the laws of the company). They don't care. She will try to stuff it in my pocket or my purse. I wind up leaving it in their home. They are financially comfortable so it has been sizeable amounts.
I can't very well call my company and "complain", as I truly care about my patient and, otherwise, love working for the family. It just gets "sticky" about 3 times a year.

I guess there's nothing wrong with accepting a Christmas and birthday present (small amount of cash) but getting $ just for doing my job is not right and I tell them so.

I would NEVER ask the patient or family for money, even if I really needed it.
In that c/g's case, she could call the gas and electric company and work out a payment plan. If you give them a small amount, they can't turn off your source of heat and cooking.
Surely, there would be a friend, family member, neighbor, boyfriend or girlfriend, loan company, pawn shop, church, etc. that she could have gone to, so as not to violate her job agreement and put doubt in the minds of the family she works for. That really was a dumb move on her part.

All good answers. My concern is integrity. I'm sure there is a rule against this kind of thing. If she has asked you, she would definitely ask an elderly patient. She needs to be reported. It's too bad if she cannot manage her own finances, but there are places that can help her with her utilities. I would not trust her now. Ask for a different caregiver.

Hate to say it, but in my experience people who ask their employers directly for money or advances etc. like that are trouble. Plus she must know it is against the rules, thus she is deliberately breaking the rules. The rules are there for a reason. Also, there are charities that help in these kinds of situations, other avenues she could pursue if she wanted to.

You have enough on your plate without another person's drama. I would step away from this person.

An agency-employed aide we had doing 12-hour shifts a couple of days a week while I worked approached me to offer to work for us privately. I immediately realized that I'd left an invoice from the agency out on my work table and the aide had plenty of time to pick through that stuff and see what the agency charged. BEWARE of this. Not only the unpleasant realization that the aide had unlimited time to poke through everything that wasn't locked away, but then there's this... Aides may approach you with offers to work for less than what the agency charges. Worse, they may be angling to get paid under the table (by not reporting the income). An agency-hired aide is covered for workers comp and tax withholding. Unless you're willing to factor that in for a private pay arrangement, you're setting yourself up for a lot of liability if anything goes wrong.

If anyone does decide to help out a caregiver I like the idea of asking to see the shut off notice! Not just a bill but the actual notice with current date and year and in their name!
This is not an unreasonable request and will send the message that you are smart and capable.

I would run screaming to her agency and give them the story she told you. To me, it sounds a little fishy, it makes you wonder about her lifestyle away from your dad. If she hits you up for the heat to be turned back on, what next, food, legal troubles and the list goes on.

Full circle: caregivers deserve a living wage. They rarely are paid that. Needs like this arise, everyone is uncomfortable, and there is no easy or cheap solution.

As the wife, I am a 24/7 Caregiver for my DH.

I have no children, Ray has 3 grown children.

I have never asked any of them for $$ - we manage on our limited income and I "retired" at 45 to stay home with Ray, he was 75 at the time. So I do know what "limited income" is all about. The spouse cannot collect anything from the government for caregiving.

I am so sorry you were put on the spot like that.

As if we don't have enough to do and worry about! A caregiver asking for money is way out of line. I have found over the 3 yrs I have had to hire caregivers that it's the" nicest" ones you have to watch out for. And of course they are the ones our vulnerable parents like the best!

A caregiver approached me when Mom was in rehab post stroke saying she wanted to work for my Mom. I thought how wonderful....what a good person. That should have been my first clue. Long story short she attempted to turn Mom against me and had Mom on some heavy duty drugs by lying to the visiting nurse about Moms anxiety. They called her PCP to prescribe it!! The drug left her sluggish all morning so the caregiver would not have to work so hard! Took me awhile to figure this all out. Mom and I are best friends and this woman almost destroyed both of our lives forever as I even thought at one point she was going to report me to APS with false claims of who knows what. Thankfully a guy friend of mine intervened to help me get her fired and most importantly gave the impression that Mom and I were not alone in this....we had back up!

In retrospect I see so clearly now how she "profiled" me as a hands off daughter possibly due to the fact that I am a well dressed woman with a professional career. She was wrong.
Hate to admit it but even the caregiver I have now is pilfering.....a can of tuna here...some stamps there..scented refills.....even an unusual serving spoon! Mom had 2 of these spoons so she apparently thought I wouldn't miss one. When I told her to be on the lookout for it she said "o its right here!" I told her there were 2 of them so please be on the lookout for it giving her the opportunity to return it but she never did. And curiously after that encounter she asked me if I wanted her back! Guilty!!!!

I think that these incidents erode our trust and make us fearful of our future aging process. Thus the PTSD and difficulty integrating back into a normal lifestyle once our care giving duties are over. It feels as if time stands still when we are caregiveing and we expect to return to life as it was....don't think that ever really happens We experience such heartbreak and disappointment that it changes us moving forward. For instance I was an avid skier... its not like riding a bike......I'll never be the skier I once was. I am mourning so many things/activities that I have lost thru this journey.

I would give the utility company your phone number in case of any problems, or better yet have the bill sent to you. The heat being turned off is not a good thing.

After the experience I've had with a caregiver that was hired through an agency, I would tell the caregiver to never come back, and I would tell the agency in no uncertain terms that I don't want that caregiver in the home again. Why? Because the caregiver for my parents ended up taking my Dad to the bank twice a month and had him withdraw $1,000.00 each time. There's no accounting for the money, and then Mom and Dad wrote her a few checks for more than 300.00 each.
Now, the caregiver is being prosecuted for exploitation of the elderly. The agency did nothing when I told them to stop sending the caregiver, and even tried to justify her actions. My parents were buying her cartons of cigarettes, paid for her speeding ticket, and gave her many gifts that she didn't report to the agency.
We will probably never get back the $25,000.00 that she took. So, always remember that they are employees and should only talk to their agency about the need for money.
Kindness is one thing, but the caregiver usually has family and friends they can go to for help.

After the experience I've had with a caregiver that was hired through an agency, I would tell the caregiver to never come back, and I would tell the agency in no uncertain terms that I don't want that caregiver in the home again. Why? Because the caregiver for my parents ended up taking my Dad to the bank twice a month and had him withdraw $1,000.00 each time. There's no accounting for the money, and then Mom and Dad wrote her a few checks for more than 300.00 each.
Now, the caregiver is being prosecuted for exploitation of the elderly. The agency did nothing when I told them to stop sending the caregiver, and even tried to justify her actions. My parents were buying her cartons of cigarettes, paid for her speeding ticket, and gave her many gifts that she didn't report to the agency.
We will probably never get back the $25,000.00 that she took. So, always remember that they are employees and should only talk to their agency about the need for money.
Kindness is one thing, but the caregiver usually has family and friends they can go to for help.

Can YOU write the check for the bill? If you don’t already have POA and access to her accounts to pay bills, it might be something you want to look into.