I am unable to handle this job any longer. Can I call an ambulance to come get her?

Take her to a local hospital for severe constipation. Leave the ER and when they call you to come get her tell the hospital social worker that you cannot bring her back home with you. It's easier for nursing home placement from a hospital as opposed to your home. Let her go, my friend.

Well, i would get the scan. Because if she's got life limiting cancer, she'd be eligible for Hospice services. Is it poosible she's got a tumor that is blocking her elimination? I agree with the no treatment, but i think there may be facts you want to know.

My mom would have a BM about every 4 to 5 days. She never went everyday. The reason the cat scan was suggested above was for you to be able to get the services of hospice. Hospice was a wonderful experience for me personally, took a lot of worry off my shoulders knowing the the nurse was coming every few days. If the doctor was suggesting an MRI, I would have to think twice about that but a cat scan is really not that invasive. I totally agree with you not to operate and/or treat any cancer if found but would definitely want to be eligible to have any and all Meds to keep my loved one comfortable . Enjoy your day, I know that a poop day was reason for celebrating!

No one coming into the home, is going to want to deal with the bowel problem. And your aunt may not let them, anyway.

My mother is in a NH and it has been good for her. She also had bowel problems, which a good diet, walking and seeing a doctor has helped.

At the rate you are going, your aunt will out live you. That is why mother (96) is in a NH. She outlived my sister, who was caring for her. She died suddenly, just days before turning 70.

Where does your aunt go, if you are no longer there? It seems like you need to make some long term plans.

4Grandys you are a good person to take on what no other member of your family would do, but Chicago1954 is right. She will probably outlive you if you continue. Get her someplace else while the getting is good. It will only get worse, not better as time goes on. An aide is only temporary help, and you have to be there the whole rest of the time. Get social services, anyone and get her moved. I will cite what has happened to my family. Mom was in independent living but my sister and I were doing everything for her. We moved her 2 months ago to AL. It was a humungous job moving furniture, possessions, etc. My sister's husband has a brain tumor, she is now usually unavailable to help or even visit. Four days ago I fell and broke my ankle and now I am helpless. Can you imagine what would have happened to Mom if she had still been in IL? That can happen to you and your aunt. Things happen that you don't plan. Point being - get her somewhere where she will get care because if you are not able to be there, there what happens to her then?

Get the PCP involved...they can order the needed tests to determine why the falling and a plan for the BM regulation. A three day stay in the hospital and then placement in a skilled facility for rehab, will give you a chance to figure this out. but need that 3 day hospital stay. first 20 days 100% in Skilled facility. next 79 days are 80%. She needs to be on medicaid and long term care probably. But everything starts with her medical doc and her medical condition.

You are doing a good job.

The doctor is required by law (and oath) to advise and inform you of possible diagnosis and options. You don't have to do what he suggests. He has exercised his legal obligation. If she were a child, that would be different, but as you point out, she is probably dying anyway and not in any condition to go through surgery. In your place, given the circumstances, it sounds like you are making the right decision. At 85 years old and 85 pounds, what chance does she have of surviving surgery and probably radiation and chemo even if it is cancer. Not to mention what it would put you through for something that you know won't end well for her or you. Have you made any headway in getting her moved to a nursing home or AL? If she does have cancer, it is going to be more difficult for you every day if you don't get her moved. Our mother is constantly complaining of a catarac but we will not let her have surgery for many reasons: she backed out of surgery 10 years ago - made a huge crying fuss; she is 100 and it is risky; she has dementia and is not mentally capable of dealing with preparation, pain, or anything else and there is no way to stop her from taking off bandages, rubbing her eye, etc - even in AL they can't watch and monitor her 24/7. One thing you said is really true - why risk killing her on the table so they can attempt at giving her 10 more years of misery. Key word here - attempt

Babalou makes a good point about the scan, that there might be things you need to know and can maybe get some help based on that. That's sad she can't eliminate, especially since the doctor can't feel anything. It doesn't seem to make much sense. You would think a blockage could be felt as a large lump in someone so skinny! What a lovely person she must be - to be happy and smiling and laughing. No wonder you care so much for her! I would have been willing to care for my mother if only she was even a little bit nice to us, or said something positive once a day or if she would smile! Good luck. I hope you are able to make her days happy but get some help for yourself - you must take care of yourself also!

Did you ever picture yourself giving people online updates about bodily functions?

Know that we understand and do care how you are doing! and we all are having discussions that I am sure we had not thought possible before...

The 3 days in a hospital won't happen. They will do blood work, urinalysis and a CT of the head for her falls and if they find nothing they will send her home. This is your chance to tell the hospital SW that you can no longer take care of her and have ger placed.