Mom died a year ago. I'm disabled and unable to be my dad's 24/7 caregiver. Siblings refused to help. Dad's now in assisted living. I feel soooo guilty.
Maxxers, did you go to school as a child? I think of ALs in the same way. They are for the most part, good, safe places for elders where they get better socialization and better medical oversight than is possible for a single untrained, elderly caregiver to provide.
No human being can be a caregiver 24/7. Caregivers die before their loved ones at an alarming rate. This is because caregiving is *very* **hard** ***work***. You have nothing to feel guilty about because you have made the best decision for both of you. Your dad needs to be around other people his own age. Give him time and space, and he will adjust.
You have nothing to feel guilty about - your dad is being taken care of. There is no way you can change the clock back 20 years and make your dad younger. You have not abandoned him.
Max, you should feel guilty only if you just abandoned him, didn't find alternate care for him and/or just walked away.
You took the time to find an alternate living situation that's probably the best it can be under the circumstances. That's all you can do.
Think of what would happen if your disability accelerated and reached a point that you couldn't care for yourself, let alone your father. He might remain at home with inadequate care and decline precipitously. Or APS or other outside agency might step in and take control of him and his care.
You did what's best under the circumstances.These caregiving roles we have are not easy under any situation; they're challenges, and often ones without satisfactory or even good solutions.
All good responses. I feel what we owe our parents is that they r safe, fed, clean and cared for. It doesn't have to be us. Its seems its always one child who cares the most. Your siblings didn't even want to help knowing your restrictions. Your Dad is in a good place. You'll enjoy his last years better if you don't have to do it all.
Is your father unhappy in AL? He will adjust.
What is fueling your guilt?
You took the time to find an alternate living situation that's probably the best it can be under the circumstances. That's all you can do.
Think of what would happen if your disability accelerated and reached a point that you couldn't care for yourself, let alone your father. He might remain at home with inadequate care and decline precipitously. Or APS or other outside agency might step in and take control of him and his care.
You did what's best under the circumstances.These caregiving roles we have are not easy under any situation; they're challenges, and often ones without satisfactory or even good solutions.