I have been having a harder time than normal taking care of my mother. She seems to be going downhill, but I don't know how much is real and how much is make-believe. She looks so tired and each step she is taking is like it is going to be her last. She talks about how bad she feels. But if we go to church or to get her hair done, she perks right up. Then she gets home and slips back into the barely living mode.
Yes, it sounds like depression. We've tried some antidepressants. Those that do any change at all make her hypomanic and obsessive, which is more nerve wracking than the depression. The obsessive activity wears her out, so she looks very bad when she is hypomanic. If I give her an extra Ativan, it helps her mood, but she doesn't get enough Ativan each month to do that often.
I'm having problems knowing what to do. I don't know if she is really nearing death. Her vitals say no, she isn't. Going somewhere helps for a while, but it's worse when we get back. I'm starting to worry about leaving her alone when I have to do things, but when I get back she is always fine.
I know she is getting older and closer to death, but I suspect she is dying more in her mind than she is in her body. It is so, so hard to live with someone who is spending each moment dying. I have a feeling there's nothing more I can do, since I do so much already. I just wish there was some way besides Ativan that I could make her want to enjoy life, instead of spending the last of it focused on dying. I hope that makes sense.