I had to bring mom down from NJ to FL. I was supposed to drive her car from NJ to the auto-train. She changed everything so she could stop off and see her niece in MD. Non stop abuse. We were five minutes from her house when mom started screaming at me about a bar of soap I put back on a counter so she could pack it. No, I should have put it in her hand. I had dinner with the cousins and went to bed immediately after dinner foregoing some nice time with my cousin and her kids I had never met before. The next day she drove to the train and I just sat there for 3 hours being demeaned. The train was 4 hours late getting into Sanford station. She let me drive. I connected the phone, music and waze to her stereo. She turned the volume way down and launched Waze on her phone so I couldn't hear the directions on the audio system. According to her my phone wasn't working (because she sabotaged it). I asked her to turn off waze on her phone and she wouldn't. I drove for 2 hours with her gasping, grabbing the door handles, and telling me that I was missing what waze was saying (again she turned the volume off). After 2 hours of her front-seat/back-seat Waze reporting behavior I had it. I put on headphones and let her drive. Never, Never again will I drive her car south with her in it. If she wants to fine!!!! I just hope she doesn't kill anyone (let alone herself). What do you do when trapped by an abuser?
Walk away. She can only abuse you if you allow it.
Are you dependent upon her in some way? Are you her guardian?
If neither of those applies, you simply stop showing up and block her calls.
***you said: No I am on disability and she is my representative payee. (I've had adhd, bipolar, dyslecxia, GAD, just bad wiring). She is starting to mess up my accounts and my family is ready to put that in professional hands.
This is another form of abuse! And sweetie, i bet you dollars to donuts that some of your 'bad wiring' is a result of years of manipulation and abuse.
I will say some prayers for you: I had an abusive parent and it's not easy to cope with.
Tomorrow morning call the social security administration and ask them how you get a representative payee that WILL keep your best interests in mind and NOT cause you damage because they are not doing their fudiciary responsibility.
When all of the nonsense started with my dad, 2016, I was told by SSA that I could hire a professional rep payee for my dad and it was 35.00 monthly for them to handle his finances.
I am sorry that your mom doesn't have any regard for anyone besides herself, so common amongst senior citizens it seems.
Let her pitch a fit and rant and rave, NO! is a complete sentence and you are not her personal slave. Sabotage the technical stuff mom, you can call a professional and pay them for the services that you have been receiving from me for free, or you can pay me and schedule a time, no more jumping.
One thing that you may be facing is that she could be developing dementia and truly doesn't have the capacity to be anything other than what she is. She is pretty old and could be struggling with her own abilities.
I think that boundaries and separation of mom and money is in your future so that you can not feel endangered by telling her no.
I can understand being trapped in a vehicle with abuse. I drove from Boise, ID to Las Vegas, NV in 10 hours because I was going to explode dealing with my dads crap. I could have killed us, but I didn't even care at the time. I thought that I would be happier dead then to hear one more nasty hateful word from his mouth. Which driving in excess of 95 mph, he was scared silent, so it worked. I wouldn't endanger us again, but I truly didn't care at that point.
Protect your wellbeing, you matter.
This situation sounds impossible. Impossible to deal with! Honestly, I don’t know how you didn’t have a nervous break down or a heart attack!
I don’t blame you for feeling as you do. I think this forum would have had to tell me to shut up because I probably would have wanted to vent for at least 10 pages.
You deserve better and you know it. I feel your pain. Take a break. A long break! Don’t step back into the fire. You’ve been through enough hell.
Hugs! 💗
I tried doing that when he was complaining about my driving :-/ (kidding)
One time he was pointing in a direction, so I followed his finger right up and over a bump in the road. It was some kind of marker. As we drove over the bump, he winced in pain. then he told me, "don't go over those, it hurts." I'm pretty sure I would have avoided it, had he not pointed at it....
Dad, I miss You.
After working a midnight shift (after taking the auto train the night before) and having no sleep I had to go to an Unveiling ceremony (done 6 months after a Jewish funeral to reveal the tombstone to the family). After the ceremony I just looked her and started crying and told her "You hurt me very badly". Her response, "what did I do now?" I got in my car and went home.
The next day she wanted to know why. My brother got nowhere with her about what she does to me. She just turned the crap around to blame it on my dad and my relationship with him. I just told her it was the accumulation of no sleep and arguing with her all week and that I just wanted to put it behind me.
I see my therapist on Tuesday. I was fine before she got here while she was up in NJ for 6 months. I dread her being here.