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Looking to hire a geriatric care manager to help with the emotional issues surrounding this. I have a call into Susan K.

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Well done Iag4309! You were in a unique position to make a transition as smooth as possible. One woman I know did a similar thing with adult day care. The ADC was attached to a great nursing home. When her husband was at ADC, she'd take him to stroll the floor of the nursing home and even asked the ADC staff to do the same. When the time came for him to get a room at the NH he hardly noticed the difference. It was the best that could be expected.

Carol
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Last year when My Mom was 89, she was in a Rehab center recovering from a blood clot. The Doctor and Social Worker told me that I should not bring her home with me. She is stage 5 Alzheimer so she needs to be moved to a nursing home. I didn't feel my Mom was ready so I told her that I was going to find an assisted living facility for her, where there were people her age, etc. I took her there a couple times before committing to the facility. I secured her a room and had a month before she was actually going to be living there, so we visited there every couple days while I was setting up her room. This was the best way to transition her in to a facility versus just moving her in. It was a show and tell kind of transition which I believed worked best so she could have an idea what it was going to be like versus her wondering and worrying about the future.
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My mother is in an assisted living facility. At the time, she was able to go with to check out places around us. Some look like hotels and others like home. Beware of the cost!
My mother needs assistance and it would have been our private search and payment to have such in one. Basically, it was like living in a hotel. Check to see if the facility has care extending the normal and what the extra costs are for each need. My mother needs assistance with dressing and bathing now everyday plus getting up so if it is more that once in a while and a Dailey need there is a monthly charge. I would rather her be there than in a nursing home if they are willing to do more. My mom is 89 and has been there for almost a year. She is familiar with everyone and feels comfortable in her own room with her own furniture, pictures, etc. it was an adjustment both physically and mentally. The best of luck to you!
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Timely question -- for me, that is!

We are moving my mother into an ALF on Friday (today is Monday). We visited it last week, saw what would her her actual room, met some very nice residents, etc. She doesn't remember much these days but does remember (1) she and I went on a nice drive the other day and (2) we were at some very nice place that will be her new home. Somehow or another she knows she will be moving there by the end of this week (I never mentioned a day because they are irrelevant to her now) and says it is good "because I am too old to be here" (my homewinery 5 20-something young adults are still here). My sister placed her furniture in the room already, some clothes, and some pictures. We are visiting there again today and if need be will do so again on Wednesday. The plan is to spend some time in the actual room, getting her involved in rearranging the furniture, placing the pics, etc.

She had me up 3 million times last night waiting for "someone to get me and take me to my new home". I pray she will be just as excited when the actual time does come!

Good luck to both is us!
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Linda, mine was like that. She lived "alone" in her own home "on my own, thank you" for the past few years and is in the middle stages of dementia. Finally, it got to be too exhausting for everyone "visiting her" as she termed it, and we told her we couldn't do it anymore and she had to live with one of us or in a NH. She moved in with one of us (me) and it was more overwhelming and intrusive than we ever could have imagined. She started to get unhappy here when we stopped catering to her, in essence treating her like one of the family. Because of that, she is now willing to go "somewhere else where people talk to me". Ha!

I am sure that rambling wasn't any help to you and your question. Just wanted to share that my mom was the same as your mom, adamant about not leaving her house. They all are. I am sure we will be the same when it is our time. It eventually reaches a point where there is no other choice, they will be unhappy wherever they are, and we have to decide what is best for their safety and our own sanity.

Good luck.
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Kdcm1011...how far away did you live from your mom before she moved in with you? My mom is the same way...wants to stay home and have me just help as needed with shopping, appts, checkbook, etc...shes about 20 miles away.
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laq4309, You are a genius. Best of Luck to both of you..
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Just put Mom in AL 6 weeks ago. At first, she was pleased as can be with her "apt" as she calls it, but has had UTI since and got very confused. Now seems better, but mixed up, repeating She believes she is ony at AL for the winter!!Don't know what happens in Spring, but her level of care has increased. She isn't mad at family, so hopefully will adjust and get to main dining room. She has always been a loner, and likes to have makeup on and dressed just so before meeting anyone. I feel guilty, but relieved she is not home alone anymore. She needs meal and meds.supervision. It is an adjustment for family. Be patient with yourself and your loved one.
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I am facing a similar dilemma with my 93 yr old father who is currently in his second rehab stay since Sept due to a fall. This fall has really taken a toll on him and the family. I had him at home but could not get him to eat or drink much so he has a great weight loss and has been to ER twice with constipation due to meds(methadone) for his back. This time they kept him in hospital 3 days and transferred to rehab but after my visit last night I just don't see how he can come home anymore. We also have my brother who has MS here at home too. I have tried to take care of it all, but I just don't see how my Dad can come home and survive without medical intervention when needed. I am just so afraid to bring up the subject about him staying anywhere else that I just freeze up! I have visited about 5 places myself and do see how he would fit in there, but I am so afraid to hear his objections that I just ignore the subject. Not totally though, because I spend every waking moment thinking about what I should do. Any advice? I would appreciate all thoughts
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Try to have someone from AL facility visit with your Dad. That helped with getting my Mom there. Then we told her Movers coming next ...to get your bed and dresser. Despite all previous objections she went to AL. Even refused to see the place before she got there, but is getting along better than family expected. The AL set her up with a Buddy to invite her to meals, etc in the main dining room.It takes time, lots of love and involvement, but it can work!
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