Need help in transitioning my Mom from her home to an asst living center. Any advice?

It's normal for someone with dementia to go through a period of adjustment where they are more confused that usual. She may just need to get her bearings. When you visit, take your mom to the dining room (or wherever else she may have trouble finding). Don't talk too much. Just point out a few (very few) sights along the way that she can use for guidance. Go slow and, again, don't make conversation, you'll interrupt her concentration.
Also, alert the staff that she's having trouble (they've likely already noticed). They can be on the lookout for her retreating to her room or showing other signs of being 'lost'.
She may well be faking, and if she has narcissistic tendencies, that may be the case. But another possibility is that people with dementia are often able to call on their (limited) mental reserves when their kids are around. I've seen this again and again. Some people seem so much more 'together' when their kids are around. She spent her whole adult life guiding her children. Her 'brain power' in that role can kick in a lot easier than when she's on her own or with staff. Give her time. Often, people with dementia will pair up in really lovely and supportive friendships, filling in each other's cognitive gaps. We all like to take care of somebody, even when we're being taken care of ourselves.

Ok i have read all that was being said in response to this post.....and im kinda upset that some of u think just because it was posted her mom might be faking it who are any if us to critize her thoughts?? Im sure if shes here and posting asking for help she loves her mom and is just trying to cover all scenerios as to getting an explanation to this behaviour. I too have an elderly parent who seems to play one sibling against another to try and get us to agree with his way of thinking....yet he forgets what he has said to each of us....i know even thou one would think when someone has dementia they possibly cant be devious....this is not the case.....please try and understand her comment may be founded in past actions...as i have seen 1st hand how someone with dementia can play with others minds to the point ur suspicions are not unfounded.

I can't imagine anyone faking being that confused. We had to bring my mother from San Diego to Minnesota after Moms stroke---it was tramatic--meanwhile back at the ranch her sister went into ass. living here. So did my Mom--but she was thrown into the situation by a extreme situation of --a stroke. (mini) My Aunt did alot better. My cousins and I treated my Aunts transition as you would someone first starting school. (all things being at best) We took turns every day being there especially meals. This went on until my Aunt began to make friends---(she's rather shy but she obtained her "gang of girlfriends" and they became fast friends. We all were sort of politley invited to not come around so much. (by my aunt) There were so many activities and we the younger generation were just getting in the way. Find the right Ass. living and give Mom a gentle push---she'll do the rest. My Mom being forced into it was more of a trauma but after 6 months she's starting to be ok with it. Baby steps is the answer--maybe having her go along to pick out new furniture if needed--finding the place after you investigate several--picking out a few Mom might be interesting in. Look at it as a fun thing--with fun going on around her in the future. My aunt once told me I don't know why I fought you kids so much about my new home--this is great---everyone is different but maybe just a few hints you could use.

Ferris1. Haha you have no idea. My mother fakes most anything. Currently allergic to light in her mind. Faked a flat tire last year. You know if I had to move I would be lost for a while. I helped a friend with her parents in their retirement building. It took them a few weeks. Dining room seemed very far you had to go right then left then elevator then down then out left then right then left. There was no one to ask so if you screwed it up then what? And they don't want to risk appearing foolish or demented or forgetful. I think they would have chosen starvation at first. But they started to stck together with other residents. Like if she's new other residents might keep an eye out for a while. They she will make friends I always remember how they would help each other out of the elevator and say come on honey to each other.

When we moved our mother to assisted living (they evaluated her as being able to handle it), because she also has Alz...they provided an escort for her to and from the memory care unit back to her apartment in AL. We did this because there was not an apartment available in memory care. After 6 weeks an apartment became available so we moved her to memory care. Dementia/Alz can come and go with periods of being very lucid to being very confused. You may want to check into moving your parent into memory care...it sounds like this is where she needs to be for her overall benefit and care. Good luck and take care!!

Just to add....my mother has been in memory care since June 2013. She continues to ask about going home, getting her dog back (the dog lives with me). I tell her the dr. is working on filling out the paperwork and as soon as that is done you can go home. She accepts this but because of Alz, she asks again..over and over..she will continue to ask as long as she has a memory of her home. Some people don't like to tell what we call "loving lies" but if you tell the truth, you end up with combativeness and more severe issues...so it comes down to how you personally want to handle it. I love my mother and will what I can to make her transition easier for her as well as me. Hugs...Hope this helps.

It is common for dementia sufferers to become more confused after a move. My mom asked about my dad, who had passed away six years ago a few days after her move. Now, several months later, she knows he has died.

The staff at the assisted living center should understand this and step up to help her. For example, they could put a sign near her door handle with an arrow showing her which way to go to the dining room, and a sign outside her door with her name or picture to identify her apartment. You don't say how long she has been there, but give her a few weeks or a month to get used to the routine and the layout. If she is faking, she will probably soon get tired of keeping up the act and move on to some other annoying behavior!

Frances87 Mom's been in AL since mid November. I expected her to have a little trouble finding the elevator and going down for meals but with a little coaching she does fine. However, my mom has always done a little 'faking' for attention so I always have to evaluate what I'm seeing. I think she is forgetting most of her tactics though by now. I remember her being with all the family at once and overhearing her say, 'don't tell them I was able to do that, I won't get their sympathy'. That was a game changer at the time. It just helped to clear things up a bit. Now as far as getting your Mom where she needs to go, yes arrows, pictures, etc are all helpful. Timers perhaps, nice ones maybe set to ring like a bell. I wish I'd have set things up a bit more before Mom moved in b/c she isn't letting us add anything that would be helpful, i.e. Bulletin board near her bed for important phone numbers, etc. she is piling everything on her bed...mail, sox, phone books.
Hopefully the staff has a system for new residents, to help them remember. But if not use the kind of things you would with a child...and give her time to adjust. She will. Hugs to you.

My mom's moving from my home to assisted living in two months. I am concerned about how she will adjust. The center she's going to told me it can take up to three months for a resident to feel comfortable (if ever) in their new surroundings. Not sure if your mom is truly confused or just pretending to be for attention but if I was in a new place and was confused (dementia) before arriving I would think it would take some time to adjust. Also, just a thought, but when she's with you she may be more relaxed and that in itself helps her find her way? Of course, I don't know your mom's personality and anything's possible!

Sometimes I have to figure out where I'm at in our local department store (okay, which way did I come in and how do I get back there? That, and the doctor's office......guess that's why they put those signs up with arrows to "checkout" for people like me! Best of luck to you, Frances87! I hope everything works out for you....so you may find peace.....and for your mom......that she finds her way in her new home and gets used to it.......

we just moved my Mom to an alf a week and a half ago and the adjustment so far has been better than we expected. My Mom tends to be a bit narcissistic so I expected quite a bit of complaints but to be honest, the place is beautiful, the food is good and she has her little doggie with her which has made all the difference. We never told her it would be permanent we told her we were "trying this" as it was the safest alternative for her to get her medications properly and eat proper food. My Mom was rejecting any healthy food we would bring her and was eating junk and smoking while at home. Since moving to the facility she has made a few friends that she dines with and while I still get complaints about the most ridiculous of things, most of which have no merit whatsoever she does tell her friends on the outside that she loves it there. I dont think my Mom would ever give me the satisfaction of saying she likes it. Going through this process has been a major adjustment for all of us and while it was far from easy, and at times I reallly thought I wasn't going to make it from all of the stress, it reallly has become one of the best selfless decisions we could have made for her. We are all still aclimating to her being there but every day it does get easier, give it time.