What are the first steps to transition an elderly parent into assisted care?

Take your MIL on tour of several assisted living places to see which one she prefers. Many ALF give a veteran's discount on their fees, which is quite a savings (up to 2K a month). Inquire with each place you visit. Once you do decide upon a place, make her room comfortable with all of her favored possessions, including bedding, pictures, and furniture. This will be more homey for her. Her boyfriend will be able to visit and dine with her.

Dear Kirstee, On this site, go to the Money & Legal tab, then click on Veterans Assistance. There is a wealth of articles, Questions, and discussions. As for the driving issue, of course take away the keys immediately. Senility and vision loss make that imperative for everyone's safety. If she puts up a fuss, perhaps you can take her to the MVC (bring the doctor's note) to "apply for her license renewal". As soon as they see her doctor's note, they will refuse to "renew". Instead, even if they give her a written test (which she will of course fail), they will issue her a Non-driver ID for the disabled, which you might need for other ID purposes in the future anyway. You can also get the Handicap placard to hang in your driver window to use when you take her anywhere. Bottom line, it takes the onus off of you and you are no longer the bad guy.