My mom has dementia and is afraid to be out of my sight. How do I transition her to an assisted living?

Hello, I am SO sorry to hear about your situation. I take care of my elder alz mother and it is REALLY hard. There are books on amazon.com that can help with your situation as far as you and your husbands anexioty. IF I WERE YOU....i would wait. Your mom is scared. Her husband just passed away and she feels insecure. I would try to work it with someone to watch her. I hear that the adult daycare helps alot. I can't afford to pay for it, and mom makes too much for us to get assistance. My mom is scared alot of times too. I tell her all the time...i will never leave you...unless you are with someone i truely trust. It has been 4 years since my dad passed. I used to be glad that she did remember that he had passed. NOW i am glad that she doesn't remember. I just tell her he is at work, already alseep, working in the field, or out with the guys. She is ok with whatever i tell her. What is bad though is when she thinks i am him...and i have one of my friends over (a friend girl.) She thinks i am cheating on her, even though i am her daughter with long hair, boobs and look like a girl....her mind don't see it. BUT this said she feels more secure thinking that he is alive. Give it a little time for her to settle in, go to counsiling, Please do check out the adult daycare. I think some even come pick them up. I am my mom's security blanket. I am with her 24/7, unless my aunt keeps her for a cpl of hours. But NOONE in my family keeps her for any real length of time. My alone time in my relationships are after mom goes to sleep, otherwise they understand and respect my mom. Good luck to you!

electric company done an assesment. Mom's credit is not good enough to get assistance where we pay monthy financing for a unit from tva. ABSOLUTELY not sure if i have checked all programs. I go through phases where i will search search and search...like i did tonight which is how i came across this site. Social services can't help....Mom did make $200 over the budget for weatherization help. This year the platue went up and she is just over $100. So we are either praying for a miracle that the heat units we buy will heat the house and drastically lower the heating bill for winter. Starting about october we use a amish heater that works great when its not so cold. So November is when our bill starts at $900 and this is also for December. Jan-Feb it is from $1000- 1200. Then March, april, and may it goes down between $800- 500. So we get relief june-sept. Mom gets medicaid and BCBS (through my dad's gov. retirement). Great ins as far as most things. Cybalta, Seroquel, Lyrica, and Lotrel are high. She is supose to take 50mg seroquel noon and at supper. I find this way too much now....so i cut it down to maybe 25 mg -50mg at supper. She supose to take 100 mg at bedtime, i usually give 50mg. Sometimes if i give the supper late OR if she is real tired i don't even give the seroquel. So in other words.....sometimes the med's bill is less. But i hear in Nov. the patent is up for seroquel. Which means they will FINALLY release the generic/cheaper! To make matters financially worse....i decided to QUIT smoking. You may say why does this make things worse. Well.... the chantix is $176 a month. yikkes! But i have done it. It has took me 4 months to finally not smoke AT ALL. I am proud to say....i have NOT had even a puff OR smell of a cig in two days. Good thing too is this will save money. It looks to me that the Human Resources/ government would have some sort of program to help a little. Atleast offer caregivers health insurance as they do those who care for children. Like tennessee has TennCare. You can get insurance that way IF you are taking care of a child that lives in your home OR you are a child. It is the same difference for me....i take care of my mother, which often times acts like a child anyway. No disrespect to my mom...but she can mess things up just as quick as any child, spill a drink in the floor probably quicker than a child, and mess up more clothes than any 2year old. LOL I love my Mother so stinking much. We did not have much of a relationship growing up....she was busy with yard, clothes, cooking, canning, ironing, shopping, and making my dads shirts as he was a tall big man. But NOW me and mom, for the most part, are best friends. You can't carry on much of a conversation with her....but she can always make you smile! Thanks for responding and apologies if i rambled on.

Docjgirl, If your father was a Veteran who served during any wartimes even if he wasn't in combat you can apply for the VA's Aid and Attendance funding. I am in the process of applying for it for my father and even though on average it takes about 10 months to process it's a way to get some financial help. To find out more just look it up here or google "aid and attendance". good luck.

docjgirl, I agree that the day programs can be wonderful. If Mom has too much income to qualify for help, why not spend some of Mom's money for the day program? Isn't that what her money is for -- to take care of her?

janmeyer3005, I think that docjgirl may be right, that it is a little too soon after the loss of her husband to make a major change. But that shouldn't stop you from exploring the AL options. Many of them have waiting lists.

Mom has to pay a high mortgage, She needs a new central heat and air unit.....so to keep her warm during the winter, the bill has been as high as $1200 a month. We finally bought 3 ac window units this summer, so we have cut down on the bills for summer. I am looking on getting up 2 large electric heaters and a cpl of small ones for the winter. In hopes it will heat the house. Mom's house is an open floor plan, with high ceiling. So it is hard to heat and cool. I have also looked into putting curtains up around the livingroom that is outlined with wrought iron,in hopes of keeping the heat bill down. So to answer the question, We (she) have no money even right after pay day. Her meds are high too. Ensure, bedpads, and such. We took her car to get it fixed....still is in the shop because we are trying to save money to get it out. I am getting things in order. I sell online on ebay, amazon, and i have my own store. Just a little at a time....and we will get there.

One organization through the SSI office i contacted said she was over qualified for someone coming to the house...I think it was called respite care or something. But they did say that we could pay for the service. i thought about it so atleast i could get out and mow the yard, but at $10 an hour and it would take me about 5 hours just to mow. That's $50. So i found someone to mow it for $40. Saved me $10. I'm trying to work it all. It is just me and my mom. We need roof, AC/Heat, neither vehichle has ac, and i beg and plead with doctors when i have to go see one....because i can't afford $200 - $300 health insurance. Not sure what there is i can do. I just keep on trucking....one day at a time and pray.

Yikes, docjgirl, you are between a rock and a hard place, aren't you? You say she doesn't qualify for assistance. Are you sure you have checked all possible programs? Does your power company offer any help for people in Mom's situation? Discount on a more energy-efficient central heating system? Have you had Social Services send out a social worker to assess the situation? Have you looked into Medicaid? I assume Mom has Medicare. It just seems like there ought to be SOME program that would help out.

Good luck to you both!

Thank you so much ! I have looked it up and printed off all documentation. I also made a copy for my cousin who takes care of my aunt and uncle. This will help them alot too. Your help means so much to me. I feel i am the only one in my family trying.