So, I was able to get Dad moved to the ALF that is five minutes from my house. I moved him in the rain, with bronchitis, but it's done.
I naturally expected there to be some confusion, so I stayed with him the first night and let him after he fell asleep last night, but this has been SO tough on him.
I guess all the changes caused an exacerbation of the dementia because he thinks that his oldest daughter from California (the drug addict one who told me she would just let him die) is coming to get him.
He also seems to think we are in our hometown. I think that's because there is a 45 minute drive from his former facility to the new one and he equates the driving to traveling there.
Despite us taking time to put his things away and us "practicing" and going over where things are, how to get to them, etc. He doesn't remember any of it, so he's constantly looking for things.
Between the tears and him thinking he's crazy, it's been a major ordeal for both of us. He has a serious case of the "I want to go homes", and I feel terrible. I feel like it's my fault for putting him through this anguish and now I feel selfish. I moved him here because it was cheaper and more convenient for me.
I know that's codependency talking, so I'm trying not to give into that.
I am also trying to create new patterns here. Yes, I'm five minutes away, but I don't want to come running every time there is an issue. I had planned on staying away today (and recovering - I feel TERRIBLE), but he's confused about the oxygen, and the staff hasn't quite caught on yet. I had to visit to show him where his oxygen machine was. He said he couldn't find it, but it was right in front of him.
Last question... I know I drive the staff nuts with all of my neatly typed instruction sheets, but they seem to need help understanding how to take Dad's portable machine off his neck and plug it in and let him wear his stationary machine while he's in the room (and to never shut it off because he can't see the control panel). Would I look like a meddling helicopter daughter if I put up a little reminder until everyone gets used to Dad's routine?
I really just want to rest.