It depends so much on their capabilities. My mother has dementia. Her top needs are medication management, meal preparation, grocery shopping, bill paying and financial management, transportation, housecleaning, yard work, keeping her company, entertaining guests that come in and fielding phone calls, and household repairs. The list will be shorter for someone without dementia. Since your mother broke her hip and had a stroke, I have a feeling that medication management, meal preparation, safety inspection, and toileting will be important for her.
Dementia patients need you to really understand what they are going thru. They are scared. They KNOW something is wrong but cannot articulate exactly what that are feeling and why all of sudden they feel the way they do. they need PATIENCE. They need to know that family LOVES them and that they are NOT A BURDEN event though caring for someone with dementia will put so much stress on the caregiver that they are not themselves; they do not react to things the way normally did with their parents. The dementia patient will pick up on the stress and translate your stress into them being a burden. So get help from anyone you can. I can tell you from experience I was one of the most loving, caring daughters on the planet. When me Mom had dementia I was so bad at being a caregiver that I got burned out and regret everything I did. I got upset about so many things that now I feel so guilty that I did not know more about how to cope with this disease. GET HELP From anyone you can. DO NOT try to take care of your parents alone. Get good help. The aides I had from Visting Nurse were HORRIBLE. They caused more problems than they did help. SO GETTING GOOD HELP IS ON THE TOP OF THE LIST.
When my mom was finally home after a year of rehab (she had a massive stroke) she needed medication management, help with showering, dishes, laundry, shopping, mowing the lawn, snow removal, cooking. She has a home care worker through Medicaid that works 20 hours a week to help my mom.
If they are still in their home or living in yours, I would spent $ on new lighting. For outside, hire someone to trim or remove shrubs, etc and put in massive amounts of solar lights in yard & solar strips on steps & ramps. For inside house, torch style lights on timers, so that they can clearly see with even light & also having it on timers establishes day & night patterns to cut down on sun downing & have them on a system for rise & shine & bedtime.
For my mom torch lights were great as she wouldn't mess with them like she would with table lamps. I got all at Ikea for under $200.
Tom, I commend you for asking. My answer is, "What DON'T they need help with?" Asking that question, may shorten your answer in a way you can more easily cope with. So much depends upon the severity of the stroke(s), how active she was before the broken hip, and how well she is coping with the hip replacement.
With my aging parents who still live on their own.... transportation is the #1 thing on this list since they stopped driving. If you become their *wheels* set boundaries, that was something I never did and how I regretted not doing that.
By boundaries I mean if you are employed, limit doctor visitors to those days that are easiest for you to take off from work. Some employers frown on too many days off, you don't want to lose your job. And you don't want to take all of your vacation days and sick days as you will need those days in the future. Try to get back-to-back appointments for both parents, thus one trip and one morning or afternoon off.
Our elders tend to get very bored sitting at home and enjoy getting into the car going somewhere, anywhere, even if it is just a drive. So unless you truly love driving, I would limit those joy rides.
first off, hopefully you accessed short term rehab for the stroke. I would do a complete analysis of their finacial state. This will determine what services they can access. Activities of daily living should be assessed. Can they cook, feed themselves, get out of bed, chair, etc independently. Are they able to toilet themselves safely. A home assessment should be done to make sure the environment is condusive to elderly people. stairs, area rugs, bathrooms are all danger zones.
Tom, I need their ages, and their limitations. Not all "elderly" need the same things. With a fractured healing hip getting exercise is the best as the bones need exercise. A stroke takes more patience and depends on when one got to the hospital and either received/or not received the proper medications.
Medication management is paramount, I found these organizers and have one for each of my parents. They are 30 day, with multiple slots, Morning, Noon, Evening, Night and they are a life saver. I fill them up once a month and they are set. MedCenter 31 Day Pill Organizer There is also a reminder recorder you can get, my dad is able to remind mom (stroke last year). I agree with everyone's suggestions as well. Good Luck!
For my mom torch lights were great as she wouldn't mess with them like she would with table lamps. I got all at Ikea for under $200.
By boundaries I mean if you are employed, limit doctor visitors to those days that are easiest for you to take off from work. Some employers frown on too many days off, you don't want to lose your job. And you don't want to take all of your vacation days and sick days as you will need those days in the future. Try to get back-to-back appointments for both parents, thus one trip and one morning or afternoon off.
Our elders tend to get very bored sitting at home and enjoy getting into the car going somewhere, anywhere, even if it is just a drive. So unless you truly love driving, I would limit those joy rides.
There is also a reminder recorder you can get, my dad is able to remind mom (stroke last year). I agree with everyone's suggestions as well. Good Luck!
See All Answers