My mother is something else. She has lived on her own for more than 50 of her 90 years, in a condo she bought and paid for in full. She still insists on driving and was issued a renewed driver's license that expires when she is 94. (REALLY?) She has friends she sees weekly and clubs she occasionally participates in, does local errands like grocery shopping at 3 different stores, participates with "Silver Sneekers" at the gym and sings with the, "Good Time Singers". I think anyone would agree my mother is an independent lady. This past year much has changed after 2 strokes and a pacemaker put in. Remarkably she has physically come through it all extremely well however, her personally has changed. She has become angry and often belligerent, rude and paranoid with no reason. Her memory is noticeably declining and she refuses help of any kind, unless she asks for it specifically. Mom has rented one of her rooms. After the stroke we thought she would make a move to a retirement home or my house. Instead, she found a very nice 68 year old woman looking to rent a room that was very willing to help with cooking and small tasks which my mother wanted to pay for per task. She signed a 1 year lease. But mom had been so rude to her and doesn't want her to help anymore. Now there are ill feelings between them under a 1 year lease. The renter is very understanding and is working with me through this. For 6 years I have tried to get my mother to live with my husband and me but because we live over an hour away she wouldn't. I come to my mother's once a week and stay overnight to help but it is very taxing. My own house is in need after my kitchen flooded, water heater went, the death of a stepson and another stepson with stage 3 cancer. My mother won't use an emergency alert GPS I got her or carry a cell phone when she goes out doing her errands. If something is too complicated it angers her yet she wants my old laptop so she can learn the internet. My sister has told my mother that she doesn't want any more to do with her, and my brother lives in Canada so, it's just me. Her Will and Living Trust and Power of Attorney was somehow all put in my sister's name when I was away during my stepson funeral in Utah. Lastly, I am wanting to move to Texas as my 2 daughters are now living there with their families and my 7 grandchildren and now my 1st great grand child and namesake. I don't want to leave until my mother is settled in a retirement home which she can easily afford by renting her condo which is paid in full. We have seen several but she keeps saying, "don't rush me"! Her stubbornness is so that I don't know what to do. This just isn't fair to herself or me. What can I do to get her to move to a place were she will be happy and I will know she's SAFE and still able to do all she wants to do?
You, dear lady, have a lot on your plate. And your mom has made your sister the responsible party, not you.
I would make arrangements for your move to Texas. I would stop staying at mom's overnight. Tell her when you're moving and don't budge from that date.
She has made it abundantly clear that your help isn't needed. Don't offer it any longer.
You cannot force her to do anything, but you can make your own decisions on how you will live your life. She will or will not move into a retirement home on her own terms.
But do suggest she goes to her doctor for a check up.
Recent anger and anxiety, has she been checked out by her doctor lately? Maybe she has a UTI that can cause the behaviors you are seeing.