I'm so tired of my Mom saying, "I don't feel good." Anyone else?

I understand. Sometimes it is easier to step back and watch from the outside as things unfurl. Many of us can't do that. We jump right into the emotions of it with both feet. I know I keep it together better if I observe like an outsider... like a professional dealing with a client. It is when my mother tweaks my ire and pulls me into an emotional viper pit that things get rough. I imagine that it is so much easier to stay distant with parents than with a spouse you love. My heart breaks for people with spouses who are going through this. I know it is hard to stay upbeat when your partner begins struggling. (I think of Marlis and Charlie with their special love.)

doc said his wife's been diagnosed with Alzheimer's for 8 yrs. but that's not a narcisstic parent but might explain why he could only take care of his dad for 6 mos.; I don't see how he could have moved him in with them in the first place under those conditions but still feel for him being "made", which I don't understand, to go back to his wife, who'd kicked him out to begin with; don't understand how they could make her take him back or him to go back

I could only do 6 months ~ luckily for me, other options were available. This forum was(is) my sanctuary, may you also gain strength, courage and support here.

DocJC did you say 6 months? I'm sure it was difficult for you and your wife but thats a blessedly short sacrifice of time compared to so many others who are caring for parents 24/7 for years at a time. I do hope you are never put in a position to take in your "murderously angry" mother.

Speaking only for myself, I could likely handle 6 months maybe even a year but thats about my limit and I would not put my job or family finances at risk. I'm in no position to do that. For some people even a few months of giving hands on full time care would be too much. Having said that we are not here to take any one else's inventory. We are here to support one another. Like Jude said we all have different lives and paths.

Jesse Belle,
Yes.

sendme2help, are you a caregiver? I'm trying to fit the things you say into that role and am getting lost.

Then, there is the rain, raining on the righteous...

Sensitive to heat and sun nearing 100 °, I must take Vit. D to replace the sunshine, which we all know, shines on both the righteous and the unrighteous.

Ah send but you have sunshine and we all know that the sun shines on the righteous so you must also be righteous - here of course it is raining!

Thanks for that technical help, Jude. It is not always easy to get technical advice if your own house has a tech-guy in it. It is like the cobblers children who had to go barefoot.
Living alone or with someone and being lonely can be a challenge. Sort-of the grass is greener on the other side situation. Here in California, we have drought.

Doc JC I agree - life is tough for all of us but it is tougher for some. There are people on here whose childhood is my worst nightmare and mine wasn't easy by any means. How they manage to cope with caring for their parents when their lives and definitely their childhood was stolen and destroyed by those same parents I do not know....but I accept that as an excuse for feeling down now and then ...they bounce back (or clamber back) and I give them A + for doing so ... do I accept their excuses - of course I do for they have not yet found the enlightened path that you have and their time will come.

Changing the fears of a lifetime takes a long time. Each small step they take is often followed by a half one back but still they try their best to come to terms with what effectively is grief. When I was a child in my part of the world these things were not EVER discussed....had I ever mentioned it I would have been called a liar and I knew that even at that age. As for counselling that wasn't available to me until much later when the problems were embedded and enmeshed in my make-up.

Living in a privileged world must have been very hard for you for in those times abuse of any sort was seen as the domain of the lower echelons, now of course it isn't. I just think we all have had different lives and our own paths to tread. It takes time to get your life back on track and I would support wholeheartedly those who are trying, even if their attempts meet with disaster at least they are attempting to get there.

Send finding you was easy you just put favourite things into the search box hun and btw I would never tell YOU to P155 off. I'm 62 going on 100 right now and I have to say I envy those on here who have significant others with which to share the load - it would be nice to have that someone to ease away the troubles of the day

wow, doc JC, my, what a story - but why did that guy insist your mom take your dad home? was there some reason he couldn't come back to you, even in the own place for him, if I understand, you'd gotten for him

Jessie Belle,
After my mother kicked my father out and sent hon to an assisted living facility 150 mles away from their home, my father became despondent & angry. He started a fight with a nurse's aide. I had the director send him via plane to me. He never was the easiest person to be with, but I felt it was a responsibility and an opportunity for us. He lived with me & my wife for the next 6 months. He got tired of our including him in all our activities: shopping, socializing, etc. & insisted that we put him in "place" of his own. When I requested that my mom send his favorite chair and some photos, she suggested that I use some of our daughter's stored furniture in our badement. During that 6 months, my dad & I resolved our differences. He even applogized for his behaviour. I was able to define and enforce my individuality differences. It was an important time in our lives.
After a while, I had him formally evaluated at a prestigious hospital. The chief of service had my mother fly up and then he insisted that she take him back home. She resentfully did so & despite being well off, refused to hire adequate care. Because he wasn't always cooperative, she stopped his meds which prevented strokes. Consequently, he had s stroke and died 5 months later. Mom changed my father's will and effectively removed my brother and me from inheritance against my father's wishes.
Attempts to have my murderously angry mom come to live with us so that I could care for her properly were rebuffed. She was loathe to give up her position of social prominence and power over others.
So, yes. I have lived someone in need who was difficult. I was even willing to try helping someone who really didn't deserve it. From the above, you can imagine what my childhood was like.
Life's tough for us all. No excuses accepted.

Wait, just how long are your teeth, should we be afraid, big bad wolf? So, just guessing here, "bit long in the tooth" means you are old? You're not going to tell me to P##s-off are you?
You are invited to join everyone on a new post: These are a few of my favorite things. First time I posted a thread. Just call me Mary Poppins.

Yes, Jude, you are making sense.
I can offer you this: "Love is not a feeling, it is an act of your will".
You, dear lady, are an example of this kind of love.

I sometimes wish I had a faith - there was a time when I did - but ...well there are a few buts in there ...many of my making. Bit too long in the tooth to 'feel' the change and if I don't 'feel' the need then I consider it to be wrong to 'act' as though I had faith........ Im sure that might make sense to someone out there!

No offense taken.
I love my faith, means a great deal to me, but certainly respect everyone's right to choose to believe whatever they want. Pagans? My daughter was one (so she said) some years ago, I don't remember naked dancing, but I was never invited to anything :) This is all in light heartedness..isn't it great that we can laugh when life is really being hard?? My sense of humor has saved me many a time from taking life too seriously.

Ditto if they have a metalwork department for the metal ramps are brill too

Deb have you tried the local college that trains people in woodwork? You may have to provide the materials but they might take it on as a project...it would work (no pun intended there) brilliantly for the mid tremors who have learned the basics but now need to put it into practice.

MIDS Absolutely no offence intended ... I think the biggest problem in the UK is that their missionaries do seem to call at the most inconvenient moments. I used to live next to a Mormon church and everyone was lovely in fact it was the ONLY time I didn't get calls. It isn't my choice for a faith but each to their own. Im still wondering about the Pagan faith all that nonsense about running around naked at night can't be true.....just joking peeps. My mother however does find the missionary work offensive - she has her faith and it is the right faith and you should have it to and I should go to church and isn't it awful how we allow other faiths .....need I go on in the vein that she does? Interestingly enough I am of Jewish extraction (adopted into a Christian (HUH) faith), mums doctor is Jewish, her nurse is a Muslim and her best friend a devout atheist - so much for Mum's rantings and Dad? Dad was just the most cherished of men - never a bad word spoken - he may have thought ill but never uttered it and I want to be of that faith ....not a chance in hell with my temper but hey I can work towards it!

yes, sendme2help, and it goes the other way as well; many of our elderly are being demanded of my narcissistic grandchildren and no longer have the fast mind to either say "no" or, as you say, escape the reply if they do; they're not feeling well themselves and these grandchildren love to catch them off guard - the hub's aunt and uncle I've talking about on here that I'm trying to help; she showed me their credit card statement yesterday and they're making $500/mo. payments on, trying to pay it off in 3 yrs. - hoping they can make it till then; I'm concerned; he fell again recently, this time on the stairs - they're needing a wheelchair ramp - thinking of trying to find one of those organizations that do them for free that maybe will do one for them

Was there someone having chest pains earlier?
When I had chest pains and went to the ER, it turned out to be GERD, exacerbated from taking Naproxen for pain. My stomach cannot take that.
Please check in with friends if anyone is having chest pains., or go to the ER.

Under the heading of "blaming others", has anyone ever met a narcissist who asked or demanded something of their victim that asked in a way that could be answered with yes or a no? Wouldn't it take a very fast and educated mind, a strong sense of self, and a wholly well person to escape the narcissist's reply, if anyone did attempt a "No" answer? And then, what if you weren't feeling well and the predator caught you off guard?

This thread has gone south, now I really don't feel good either!
However, this has been an interesting topic, and is fully redeemable; imo.
Isn't one symptom of dementia repeating things, over and over?
Really, what can be done about it if we just cannot get them to change the subject? And yes, gets tiring to hear!

I WOULD VENTER TO SAY IF SHE WERE TAKEN TO LUNCH OR DINER HER COMPLAINT WOULD MOVE TO HER BELLY. attention is only cure at this point.

Never knew there were actually ground rules for therapy, but the rules on AgingCare are being ignored. We all want to be able to be ourselves, even break the rules when we can get away with it without hurting another person's beliefs.

It takes a lot of courage and love to share in this way, but aren't we missing the recovery, the health, the boldness it takes for a mother to protect her own daughter by publically stating "remove your hand from my daughter's shoulder, or I will call the police!", instead of wondering about the abuser's intent. If more mothers did this, protect their daughters, there would surely be less abuse passed on in families. Old wounds can be a protection. Save the recovered victim by starting a seperate posting not including her case as the topic, if you please.

Ummmmm......I'M a Mormon, and I sure hope you aren't being "bothered" by me :) Being Mormon is my faith and a big part of my identity. I laugh when I hear people talk about us like we aren't human, or real, or "normal". Most of the BEST and WORST people I know all happen to be Mormon also. Sure doesn't make us perfect.
Actually, Jude, the nice Mormon ladies in your town/city would probably bring you dinner, clean your house and give respite care for you for months on end with no expectations from you. I know because I have done it---many, many times. Sorry for your bad morning.....I see my Mother getting that way too--if she likes the doctor, she'll do anything for them. She openly flirts with this one (who is absolutely gorgeous and who is 35 years her Jr. Hilariously embarrassing.) The older generation was taught to kind of revere drs. which I find amusing. I look at them as my employees and have "fired" more than one!

Dad repeats, "life is hard, then you die". Love him enough to answer him with: "and here we are, life goes on".