Is it time for a nursing home?

I may agree with you that it is past time for a change, but isn't it up to Sis and Mom? (I would say Sis and Brother-in-Law, but that doesn't sound like how it works in that household.)

As far as paying for it goes, yes she will be eligible for Medi-Cal when her assets and income are under the established limits. And yes, nursing homes typically have someone who can help with the paperwork.

i hope that you're not kidding. if ever i have heard of a situation as ripe as this for a nursing home. first of all i was on fentenyl for a long time and a person becomes delusional after a while. very bad stuff. the rest of your problem is self explanetory. stop torturing yourself.

Ah. Well you cannot control what Sis and Mom decide to do, but you certainly are fully in charge of your own decisions. If not dancing to Sis's tune is "troublemaking" then so be it. Help in ways that make sense to you. It is your decision, not your sister's, in what ways you will contribute. It is hers to decide whether/how much she neglects her family.

people go to nursing homes to die, that's why they're put there W

I guess this is the You're A Horrible Person If Your Elderly Parent Is In A Nursing Home thread.

IMO. People IMO IMO IMO !!!! We need to use that phrase more here, IMO. :0)

My great aunt had a much better life in the nursing home than she ever did in her home. And the nursing home she was in was paid for by Medicaid. I worked there as an aide and , yeah, you get some real losers sometimes that have no business being aides. But , man, she loved that place and she was very happy.

My GIL is in an assisted living NH and is loving it. She has a very great social life and is eating better. Well, just recently she has started to slow down but that is not the NH /AL that is because she is 97.

My Grandma did not like the NH. She wanted to live in her own house but she had AD and could not. She would not live with my Mom. Or her brother. She wass not going to be happy anywhere but her house but that was not possible. She was very ill with AD. This nursing home was not great though Mom visited some she did not visit enough, IMO. I was out of state at the time but visited when I could. It was not a great experience.

It is my experience that the residents that get the best care in a NH are the ones whose families visit often. Personally , I would go out of my way to give more attention to the lonely residents that did not have anyone (as an aide) but I noticed that the doctors and nurses seemed to make sure the residents that had concerned family were the ones who got the most attention. HORRIBLE? But human nature? My daughter gets more from her teachers because I am all over them like white on rice. My husband and I both go to the parent teacher conferences and her special Ed teacher scheduales us last because we take so much time ;0). (we love her teacher-half the time we are just swapping funny tales about our girl). When we have IEP meetings-these determine what services my daughter is to get from the school-my husband shows up in a suit and I am full make up. And we divide and conquer. Husband sits by the special Ed. Superintendent and charms him while I get the teacher to write the services I want for my daughter. You do what you gotta do.
So if you all decide to go the NH route you can make it successful. IMO. Just be the squeaky wheel but be the squeaky wheel that is also very kind and appreciative to the all the staff at the nh because you do not want to get on their bad side,

Just some thoughts for you of you and your family decide to go the NH route.

Don't feed the troll. Hahahahahahahhahahahahaha I needed that laugh. Thanks trolly!!!! ( like you actually have a c*ck --hahahahahahahhahahahahaha )

Cheryl - If your sister is okay with the arrangement, then let her deal with it. Her family might be sick of it, but are THEY pitching in and giving their mother any help with their grandmother?? Probably not. You can't even apply for medi-cal until her assets are worth less than $2,000. They do some funky calculations with the income also (such as money that your mom pays for medicare & supplement plan premiums are deducted from the income, etc.) - at 95 years old, the fact she isn't on medi-cal yet is commendable really. Once her assets are under that mark, then you can apply for medi-cal, but good luck finding a nursing home that will take her without going through a 3-day stay at the hospital first. That's the general route anyways. Whether or not they have long-term beds available is another hurdle. I disagree completely with W's statement that people are put into nursing homes to die. When a person requires more care than a family member can give, it is SAFER to have them in a nursing home so their multitude of needs can be met. Every person's situation is different, and we are all here for support, so piling on guilt by making such a callous statement is rude and completely oppositional to the spirit of this group...in my opinion. ;)

People go to nursing homes to die.
People go to Florida to die.
People go to Arizona to die.
People go to their children's homes to die.
People stay in their homes to die.
People go to hospitals to die.

LOL ... we are all going to die, and we are all going to be somewhere when we do it. The last place we go is where we are going to die, whether we intended it or not.

So I guess I don't get frequentfliertx's point. People go to nursing homes to die. So?

@ jeannegibbs, RE: So I guess I dont get frequentfliertx point

I guess you dont

And I public formal apology to MishkaM :-) Nite all :-) W