My mother is 77 years old ,is in fairly good health. She live approx. 10 minutes away, 20 in traffic. She is able to and does use township transportation to go to the mall with her friends 3x per week. She spends 11/2 hours there and is home by 11am. I take her to most Dr. appoints which is usually 1x mo. I visit every Fri eve after work to take her shopping, banking or for prescription pick-up. On Sat eve I visit at 4;30pm, Take her to church @6pm and usually stop for coffee or ice-cream afterwards. I am getting back home @7;30 or 8pm. Sometimes I go over on Sunday any where forom 2 to 3 hours depending on where she wants to go. I work full time. Have a 17yr old that I take back and forth to work appox 3-4 times per week. My daughter is in 12th grade, I am also in the middle of college searching. My son visits my mother every Thurs eve fo dinner and usually stays for 11/2 hr. My Mothers complaint is that noone visits her enough or does anything with her. I also took her down the shore last month for 4 days. My only vacation this year. My mothers friends have large famies with lots going on. My mother is constanly telling my older son to give her a great-grandchild because all of her friends have one .My son works 2 jobs and his wife is in school and also works full-time.They are getting very tired of hearing this. He cuts her lawn every week. but this doen't count as him visiting her she says. My sister lives out of state , she visited 2 months ago and did not rent a car,so I drove her several times. She did nothing to help my mother ,. My main problem is I think I do enough but it never is enough for her.
It's too much. I have a very selfish Mother, too, and they don't get any better if you keep catering to their narcissism.
Go once a week, the kids should go when they feel like it--maybe once a month. Tell her "That's the way it is, Mom. I have a life and my kids come first". Of course, if you have a husband they all come first:)
Make sure you find a very nice care home when she is not able to take care of herself anymore. Do NOT bring her to live with you. State your boundaries, and I pray that you do. Hugs, Christina
Sorry. I had to vent:)
The only thing I'd add here is this: Has your Mom done any pre-planning? Is there a plan in place in case she can no longer live on her own? With such a demanding mother, one for who nothing is ever enough - you need to begin thinking NOW about what level of involvement you are going to have in her future care. So many of us have found ourselves 'forced' into the role of primary caretaker because of our parents demands when we ruly lacked the resources to do it. Good luck to you!
You are doing enough...do not let her get you down and know in your heart (and you do) that you are the best daughter ever....and you are!
When do you have fun with your kids? Or just unwind to do anything for yourself?
I think it's too much when combined with a full time job - college aged student; younger children. . .
Just be busy with other activities that you 'simply must' be present for somtimes. She is playing you like a drum and you are wearing your self ragged.
Someone told me once not to let her take up rent in my life and then I realized that she was renting she was almost residing in it. Made some self preservation changes.