Thoughts on taking a cruise with an Alzheimer's patient?

Grammy, we have a poster that was diagnosed with early onset dementia and he and his wife travel. That is his desire until he can no longer manage.

He is not able to participate in all the activities she can though. They did a cruise and it was wonderful for them.

I would find out what happens if hubby has a complete meltdown, I would also make sure and have some meds to calm him down if he does, maybe comatose type meds.

Because the only certainty with Alzheimer's is the complete uncertainty.

I think I am as much in the dark on this one as YOU are. With your description I cannot think why this would not be appropriate, tho for first cruise I would keep it a short one. I would also speak to the managers of the cruise as you have to us.

No. You do not want to be in the middle of the cruise if he should have problems.

Those with dementia need routine in their daily lives.

Just you should go, enjoy yourself, find someone to come in to stay with him. It find an assisted living facility that will accept him on a respite basis.

The incontinence and mobility issues would be a problem for me. It also means maybe an air flight which I would not put someone suffering from Dementia thru nor me. How are you going to change him? That airplane bathroom is not all that big. And, I don't want to be the person sitting near him if he has an accident. Then there is going thru security. If he does become a problem, you may not be allowed to board.

Two of the cruises we took went out of NYC ports so we drove and left the car in a secured lot. One was to Bermuda and only 5 days.

Your husband is probably OK in familiar surroundings but maybe not so much in strange places. My Mom was ready to go home after an hour of being out of the house.

I’d check the insurance very carefully. This is a pre-existing condition. If something goes wrong (with either of you) you both may need to be taken off the cruise. If insurance doesn’t cover it, it could ruin you financially. It could work out fine, no worries, but find out if it’s a risk worth taking.

It will be a waste of money. It's like taking a blind person to the movies. You're just trying to relive the fantasy of the years gone by.

hugs!! :)

only you know the full picture, all the facts.

for some reason you’re hesitating. you must have good reasons for hesitating.

it sounds great to me, if he can enjoy it, and you too! :)

“mid-stage” ALZ…
only you know how much “mid-stage”.

A cruise journalist (yes there is such a thing!) covered this in detail here.

https://www.cruisecritic.com/articles.cfm?ID=3404

I suggest you try a weekend away.
Book a weekend at a hotel nearby. One with a pool and spa that you can enjoy.
See how well he does for a weekend.
Or go visit a friend or relative overnight. See how well he does away from home and in different surroundings and with his routine gone.
Either of these might give you an idea how he would react away from home for a brief time.
Take him to a busy mall and see how well he does with loud noises and a lot of people.
All of these, even if he does well is not a 100% guarantee that he will do well at the airport, on the flight and during transfer to the port. And going through security could be confusing and a challenge.

OK...Google is your friend...
I just Googled and there apparently are Dementia Friendly tour groups and cruises. Check the Alzheimer's Association website they might have info. Or just google dementia friendly cruises or tours.

Not a good idea. It will be extremely stressful and difficult for you. It will probably get him more agitated as he’s going to be in unfamiliar environment. You’ll have no peace or one ounce of fun. You’re only trying to recapture what once was, but will never be again. Hugs 🤗

Last summer my Sweetie (with Alzheimer's) and I , flew non-stop from St.Louis to Salt Lake City. I had no idea how stressful the airport would be. I am Legally Blind, so he had to read everything to me. Finally decided to just go up to the counter (skipping all those kiosks). They were so helpful, getting us each a wheelchair and zipping us through lines, and even helped us stay together through Security. Once on the plane, he needed the bathroom 6 times, a drink of water, a soda, a snack, the bathroom, for 4 VERY LONG HOURS! Once we got to my sisters' house, he didn't know where he was, where he belonged, who was the lady in the kitchen, where are the cats? Did we live here now. He would constantly go into my sisters' bedroom and sit on the bed, and say he was lost. Where are we? Can we go home? When can we go home? I can't find the cats. Don't we have cats? And the most heartbreaking was when he said he didn't belong anywhere.
I am telling you this, maybe to remind myself, that our traveling days are over. I'd love to go on another cruise. I love a destination vacation. I love to just go to the store.......like the 'good old days'. We've been married for over 50 years. I love him dearly. I would not put him through this again for anything.

You just don't know HOW he'd be on a cruise; then you'd be stuck for a week on a ship, possibly freaking out, wanting to get OFF and having to make last minute arrangements TO get off and fly home. You just don't know.

So I love Grandma's idea to try a weekend away FIRST, but, I'd shorten it to an overnight stay at a hotel and preferably to a place where there will be crowds of people. Like maybe a fair or an event of some kind you can both attend. You want to see how he feels/reacts in CROWDS. You'll know in short order how he likes being in unfamiliar places, rooms, bed, bathroom, etc. Eating in a new restaurant, seeing new faces, and how crowds of people affect him. Because there are definitely crowds of people on cruise ships, that's for sure. Me, I don't like crowds in general, so I tend to avoid them. When dementia is at play, what used to be is no more, and you need to find out how DH responds to things NOW, before you invest time & money in a cruise. That would be my recommendation. It may work out well and it may not, but you'll find out, especially if you take a trip to the airport first. Just go for a visit.........walk around, see how he reacts to IT, too.

I hope he has a blast and the two of you can go on vacations and have a great time together, as you've done in the past. My DH & I have taken many trips together and our fondest memories are of those trips.

Best of luck.

Youtube

The experience without the crowds from the safety of home

No. You have no idea how this will go. If he doesn’t adapt well, how will you manage him for a week? He will be more disoriented than ever. How much of it would he remember later on? Is it safe for him to be where he could fall over a railing? (Sounds crazy, but it definitely happens).

Everyone is different. But, I took my husband (mid-Alz) on a plane across country to see my family. He's very familiar with them and the area. In the airport going he was OK. But, he was completely lost and stressed once we got to the hotel. He couldn't leave the room without me. He thought someone had stolen from him because he couldn't find anything. He didn't know who I was, at night. On an hour car ride, he didn't know who I was and screamed and screamed at me. He's usually calm and happy! It was a nightmare and we came home THANK GOD 2 days early. We have since been 2 and 3 overnights in a local hotel. That goes OK. My cruising days are over.

I think you've received some great advice. I agree with others -- you don't know how this could go wrong and that's a problem. A major trip would require special planning, and also extra help in case it's needed. The cruises for Alzheimer's sound great! I didn't know that was a thing until someone here mentioned it. I also like the idea of a short trip, somewhere local and manageable, to see how he does with that.

You know him better than anyone here, though. My grandmother mostly loved outings, trips, and stay overs at relative's houses long after she had advanced dementia. Everyone's different.

My Husband LOVED cruises. The last one we took was before his diagnosis, probably 2 or 3 before it. At the time there were no outward clues as to what was going on. (I have said that it is only when you look back over the past 3, 4, 5, sometimes more years that the picture finally comes together)
Anyway this cruise was Hawaii. We arrived a week before the cruise to tour a bit before the cruise and also to get used to the time difference and get over the exhaustion from the travel.
He was sort of ok but just "different".
On the ship I could not get him involved in activities, he refused to get into a bathing suit. Would sit on the deck in his jeans, a t-shirt (I had to hide his long sleeve shirts) his socks and sneakers.
(I think that was the start of the inkling in the back of my head that there was something wrong but again I did not put that together until I looked back...)
About a year or two after that I made plans to visit a friend and he was going to stay home. (this was again before his diagnosis) he did some odd things and I decided that I could not leave him so it was a car trip for the two of us and the dog. That trip was a NIGHTMARE! Much to long to go into here but needless to say the cruise was our last and that road trip was our last.

Doesnt sound like it would be much of a vacation for you.

When I was a teenager in the 80s, my grandfather took my Alzheimer’s grandmother on a months-long world cruise. One night, we came home to a voicemail that they were coming home early. I don’t remember all the details, but the cruise was apparently very disorienting for my grandmother. The whole situation was a nightmare. Granted, this was a long cruise. But I think you may be setting both of you up for a very difficult time if you do this. Be careful and please consider everything before locking yourselves on a boat. Covid is still around too and passes like wildfire on cruises. I am nervous for you.

As someone who’s husband has vascular dementia/ Alzheimer’s I would not chance it. It’s too risky for him and everyone around him. Sorry, just my opinion. What if he starts to wander at night due to anxiety and unfamiliar surroundings? ( among other unpredictable behaviors).

People with Alzheimer's feel worse when taken to strange non-familiar environments. If something goes wrong at the beginning of the cruise, you will have to wait until the end of the cruise to come home. What you're doing is a denial that your husband suffers from dementia, by pretending that everything is OK.

Not a good idea to travel in unfamiliar places, let alone a expensive cruise, far from home. Even if social, an Alzheimers condition is unpredictable everyplace, and your husband should never be left unattended.

Never would happen in my world..if his behavior gets bad no way to get off. Also a risk for others who want a pleasant vacation.

Cruise lines are huge multi storied ships. Personally, I wouldn't consider them for several reasons. First, you can't control the weather or bouts of seasickness. With the amount of people on a cruise, there are a thousand ways to pick up Covid, or any other bug. Dealing with seasickness or Covid while on a cruise would be a disaster. Although your husband doesn't wander, you never know if he may - he would quickly get swallowed up by the magnitude of the ship.
Why not consider taking shorter land vacations, perhaps at a resort, or one with guided tours? You don't say if you would consider driving or hiking, so I am leaving out that option; but taking small trips before you commit to a longer one., would be a safe bet. Have fun!

While I’m not sure I would just pick a cruise and go I think if this is something you have done and both enjoyed throughout your marriage then it’s something you should try to make happen. I do like the idea of trying a shorter trip first to see if he is able to get back in the swing of travel and I remember another poster here who was setting up a camper to travel with his cognitively impaired wife feeling that could be the familiar place. Back to the cruise though.

If you set it up with outs you can eliminate some of the issues mentioned so pick a cruise that makes enough stops in places you can get off and fly home from if need be or is just short enough to be able to manage for the first try. Also maybe think about going with another couple he is comfortable and familiar with, maybe you had a couple you traveled with over the years and are good friends with or maybe a married child and their spouse. This way some of the companion time can be shared and you aren’t the only familiar person to him. A big part of the reason I think you should try is for you. We remind each other as caregivers all the time to take care of yourself and the ability to travel again with your husband sounds like something you need for you not just for him, that makes it worth trying from my perspective. Keep in mind this might not go as easily as you hope but also keep in mind that if you take each obstacle as it comes and learn from it you may just navigate what your wanting to do…so much about life with a loved one who has dementia is new, different and constantly changing which can be sad but can also be joyful if you let it.

Do it. We had the same situation. I just made sure that my wife's cabin # was on her key card in case she got lost. Actually, we stayed together on the ship and shore. I waited outside of the bathroom for her when she went in. We had been on 135 ocean cruises and 7 river cruises. Our last cruise was in January 2020, Celebrity out of Singapore. We took a suite and our butlers and servers in the clubs were told about her condition. Everyone kept an eye on her. At the end of our travel, she would order food and then forget that she ordered that food. The waiters got her what she then wanted. I gave everyone extra tippoing money. Now, she is bed ridden and is in Hospice At Home.. Go travel and buy the best cabin you can afford. River cruises were a bit more challenging as tours were included and she had trouble keeping up.
I hope this helps you.

Don't! I was a caregiver for many years for Alz patients. It's so hard at times for families to face denial that your life is no longer the same as much as you'd like it to be. I advised a couple of my Alz families not to take cruises. Their loved one was also mid stage. He was at times unsteady on his feet and had to use a walker. On those days on ship, he was so unsteady he nearly fell several times. These patients don't do well with change either. One family in particular took many cruises which they enjoyed over decades. Once Alzheimers set in, he forgot a lot about past cruises and was uncomfortable and wanted to go home 1/2 hr into the cruise. You've got to remember their memory goes and just because they enjoyed something back in the day, doesn't mean he'll enjoy it now. It was not only a miserable 2 week cruise for her, but her Alz hubby didn't like it at all. It took a month for him to recover that horrible experience for him. Also, it's not just about you and him, it's also showing respect to others that paid big bucks to enjoy themselves. Perhaps this will be the only cruise some can afford in their lifetime. When you get an angry, frustrated, unfiltered person who starts saying or doing things or talks to people in ways they shouldn't, and it can happen at any time, you've really only got yourself to blame. With Alz patients that can't have their way in new surroundings, it's a great recipe for trouble and then you'll either choose to disrupt others because you lack respect for them or spend your time in your cabin realizing this was all one big mistake and a waste of money besides upsetting your hubby and yourself. . And being connected by velcro screams that there are problems that i see that are able to happen. Some will say just go a plane and go home if needed. That opens up yet another can of worms with unfamiliar surroundings and people closer yet to you in case things get out of hand. He's to far down the rabbit hole in Alz.
One family chose to go to the beach and have a private picnic instead of a cruise one day, followed by visiting a waterfall a couple of days later. Two days after that they visited a park with a big water feature and then for a private boat ride in the shallow pond, followed by a visit to a fish pond filled with beatiful Koi, then into the butterfly gardens. All were short trips that could be cut short so they could go home if things got too much. Three times they had to leave for home because it was too much of a change even two days apart. Perhaps have someone stay with your hubby and you take a cruise. Invite someone along. I'm sure you need a break and certainly deserve it! His cruising days are over i'm afraid. You've been warned.
Good luck to you !

Go for it. Every case is different. Enjoy your time together, because it won’t be long before he does not know you anymore.

A short, local trip would be best. At least then you’d be able to return home or seek assistance should his disease take a bad turn. On a cruise, you’re out in the middle of nowhere. I’d consider a short trip where he can relax. Too much change can further confuse or worry him.

Some great suggestions here. My Mom with moderate Alz did ok with short trips (even surprised me by remembering some of the folks she hadn't seen in years and being the "life of the party") but I personally would try your husband on a short trip that you can do by car first. See how he reacts to kids he doesn't know running around the pool in unfamiliar territory. If he is ok then proceed from there but with the incontinence issues you indicated, try to avoid long airplane trips because if he has an accident on board it may be a slight nightmare. Those restrooms are so small they are a nightmare for anyone! Hopefully you are located in a state where you have easy access to cruise ship docks.
Once you are shipboard, the issue of incontinence is not a big one because you have a really good sized one in your stateroom. Of course, you still have to deal with the crowd at the pool but you can always relax deck side in one of the chairs and just socialize. He will love the very social dining experience! You might want to check with his PCP first to see what would be an option for possible seasickness.......... just in case. You can't always predict the motion of the ocean.

Peace and good sailing to both of you!