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Who do you choose when you have seen how immediate family has acted in the throes of ALZ dementia parent. I am getting ready to do my own documents. I have stalled because of, well a lot of things. But I have seen family members whom I would not trust to feed my dog.


My choice is most likely my attorney


Is anyone else dealing with this now? Do you think you might be?

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Segoline, we have our attorneys law firm as our back up. We require certain criteria be met before they can step in and we have our desires in writing. We don't want anyone making decisions, we know what we want, we just want someone that has nothing to gain or lose telling the powers that be.

I am completely convinced that someone not emotionally involved can do a better job following instructions that we decided on while healthy and of sound mind.
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Oh my gosh thank you. By back up, you mean what exactly, if not too personal to ask.
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Isthisrealyreal May 2019
For us back up means that if my husband is unable to be my POA or I his then the law firm would step in and fulfill our wishes.

I am the POA for my parents and I would never ask anyone I love to go through what I have.

We have very detailed living wills, very detailed D/MPOAs no one needs to wonder what to do.

I also think that we don't know what we will be like if we develop dementia or have a TBI, we made be mean or paranoid or who knows, but not obligating loved ones is our choice.
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Maybe I should give some context here. I am the younger of two kids. My sister was named to execute stuff, just think of all the things. No. All of it came back to me.

I had a special instrument drafted as her agent to carry out legal obligations. Except for the sale and transfer of real property I could act independently. I did not without consulting her ever. But quite frankly, well, I am I did that. I am glad I found this forum. I can't put her in charge of my chit, nor her daughter, prob not her son.

This has kept me awake and stopped me from doing these damn documents which I need to do!
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I guess you have no children?

POA is an important responsibility. The person you assign it to needs to understand its a tool. Not an opportunity to think they r entitled to your assets. If there is no one you can trust, then it would need to be ur lawyer or a very good friend. Either way, ask first. Seems like people find out they have been assigned and would have never agreed to it.

It should always be a person living near you. The person who may be ur caregiver. I don't like where one person holds the purse strings and another is doing the caregiving.

This is a hard decision but you need someone to be POD. Makes things so much easier.
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