This is the 3rd time in 4 months this memory care unit is sending Mama to the Geriatric Behavioral Hospital. I don't know what to do.

Boots,
Hoping you and your Mama are okay.

Bsg

I hope it all goes well with the new place

happy thanksgiving 🍁🦃🍽

Update on The Great Roadtrip with Rosie,
She is going to go to the next nearest city to a very nice place. It is a stand alone Memory Care place. There is a lot more room to roam around, and her room is wonderful. Sister came and helped me move her stuff and husband unpacked the stuff we didn't want to leave. We saw staff everywhere, even though it was the weekend. Also the staff was eating the same food. Prayers people that this place can keep my Mama!

Hi BsGirl. I think the Memory Care Unit is misreading this situation and blaming Your Mama in the wrong. One Lad Who Lives not far from my home is always poking at my body and has a great laugh when ever He's making fun of me and this drives me nuts, hence I can understand this deaf Lady at the Memory Care Unit is provoking Your Mama by touching Her. I know the Lady is deaf and She can not help it but it is frightfully maddening. If the deaf Lady was confined to Her room this could help Your Mother ?The Facility should be able to manage these situations with out having to worry You. Good Luck I hope this will be resolved in Your favour.

I'm going through something very similar. Two visits to senior psych in three months, then the facility (Memory Care) required us to provide sitters.

My mom does seem to do better with the kind, one on one attention of the sitter, but the additional cost is a bit overwhelming. We had sitters for 14 days in a row, and now I've cut it way back, but am trying to find a middle ground. Maybe 3 or 4 hours, 3 times a week, just to have that additional attention and care?

The memory care has a zero tolerance for any sort of hitting, and that is understandable. It's just awful when it's YOUR mom doing the hitting, and she never did such things before.

It helps me to remember the following. It's not her, it's the dementia. This happens to many people with dementia. They are seeing, hearing, and experiencing things that are not there, and that's difficult to accept.

I don't have any brilliant answers for you, just commiseration. I am trying to find the best path going forward, too.

Thanks for the love everybody!

The reality of staffing though is much more like 1:8 during the day and 1:15 or 20 overnight

One to one care?

Where the bejesus are you going to find that?

I just looked up 'recommended staffing ratios in dementia care.' It seems to range from 1:3 to 1:6, with allowances made for the seniority of staff.

There doesn't seem to be any way of measuring the special human qualities you find in the best units' teams, though. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could bottle them?

Bless you bless you bless you for being such a good and constructive advocate for your mother. Here's to her finding a place where she's much happier - and safe from wandering hands!

I got a call to come today to an emergency executive meeting. The director of the NH and head nurse on Memory Care Unit, etc. met with me. They said my Mom was on video tape and the touchy lady was going around picking up stuff off the carpet and my Mom went over and bopped her first this time. They also told me they had changed her seraquell (spelling) dose and had been giving her more. Say What? They said this is really an assisted living memory care unit and even though they only have 16 rooms, there are only a nurse and 1 or 2 aids on the floor and my Mom needs 1 on 1 care. They sent her too the Behavioral hospital today at 2 p.m. Basically they want the hospital to find a better place for her. That's all she is doing. I am 5ft. tall and not that scary but I was today. I can't talk much but I made that dry erase board and my pen get the point across. It sounds like we will be moved on down the pike. That's okay too because my Mom's soap and shampoo and toothpaste etc. has not seemed to be getting any use since the day she arrived 4 months ago. Thanks for all the comments and answers because I used parts of all of them today! Ya' all are the best! Also, I am Veronica....who wants to be touched all the time by a random lady always in your space! Sister is also D.P.O.A. for financial and health. We can work together or independently. I had her on speaker phone.

Don't know what you can do but I too would be batting someone who kept touching me. One room mate I had keep coming over to my bed and pulling up the blankets. Fortunately she was discharged the next morning.
Agree with everyone else that the touchy lady should be kept out of general circulation if she is doing this to other people too.
I assume that Mom is not lashing out at anyone else.

Or find another place, or speak with the powers that be in her present place. Hitting someone is not acceptance behaviour, but it could be argued that wandering around touching people isn't acceptable either. It would drive me nuts. If this is the only problem they have with your mum then could you request that they work with the other lady and the situation in general to accommodate everyone? Doesn't seem fair to your mum. Are they tweaking her meds in the behavioral hospital? How about sending the touchy lady to the behavioural Hospital and see if they can stop her bothering everyone, There must be others who are uncomfortable with her behaviour. Boot - get well - hope you recover
soon,

madge - good suggestions, I know you have a lot of experience.

Bsg
sorry about your own health situation at the moment and hope you get better soon

your post makes my head want to explode as you could be describing hoca except the situation really has to deteriorate for them to send someone out on a 5051 hold

you say they hung up on your sister so are you the only POA? Are there any other options for mom nearby ?

if mom is not invading anyone else's space and cooperates with staff for ADLs, then they should not be sending her out

have you observed how staff interacts with the other non hearing lady? I'm only suspecting, but I'd say this is the issue- they aren't redirecting the lady since they can't communicate with her

Some types of dementia have spatial issues and folks walk around touching things including other people - it is a rare occasion that someone doesn't come up when I'm visiting mom and either touch her wheelchair or something on our table and if they're approaching me from behind she can still sometimes give a warning

since you say mom is private pay, I suspect this also is the other reason, they are not doing much with the other lady - they might put up with a lot to keep a bed filled -

definetely, get as much info as you can while mom is in the geriatric ward

does mom's facility have a social worker? If not, ask for the ombudsman to attend the next care meeting upon her return and work out a set of expectations

ultimately, if they can't or won't meet expectations then you have to decide to leave or stay - I've been stuck in this frustration for nearly 3 years

BSG,

This does seem unfair to your Mom if your Mom is only reacting to this lady that touches people.

I really don’t see the reasoning behind your Mom being sent to a behavior unit for her reaction to this woman. Are they sending her out so that her meds can be tweaked so that she won’t react? Completely unfair to your Mom in my opinion.

I don’t buy the “ she hears with her hands”.

Maybe if the “toucher” was blind she might “see with her hands”, but not hear with her hands.

If your Mom is self pay is it possible to move Mom as far away from the “touching lady” within the facility as possible?

My mother could be combative as well. She feared men and would hit any woman with short hair because she thought it was a man. I know of twice that this happened. She was never sent to a Behavioral Hospital, but we did decide she’d be better off on the locked ward. 90% of her 3 years there, even though she was on Medicaid, they had her alone in the room. She couldn’t be trusted with a roommate. They worked with me to find the best solution.

Have you had a meeting with the staff? Maybe, like with my mom, there is more going on than you’re aware of.

BSG is your mother approaching or attacking this woman without any cause, or is she *only* doing it when the woman comes up and touches her?

If it's the latter, then it seems really unjust to remove your mother. And not just unjust, but also not great management - I mean, how do the other residents respond to Mrs Feely?

Maybe she doesn't like to be touched. Its a shame they can't stop the other lady fro touching people. If your Mom was violent period then I'd say, she needs medication so the behavior unit. But this is one instance. And it so hard to explain to her and the other lady that their behavior is unwanted.

It's just this 1 lady! And bless me but I don't get the hearing with her hands either! There send to be no other problem, just this they say. We feel like our Mom is being punished. Also, the DON hung up on my sister when the sister said I can't come again because I can't talk and already spent 5 hours with Mom yesterday. I used a white board and all Mom did was ask questions so I wrote for basically 4hours out of the 5. I've just had it. I am going to talk to the Behavioral hospital social worker after they admit her this morning. Wish me luck. Maybe they can find a better fit for us. Oh and we are self pay too.

Would moving your mom be an option? You might write an email to her therapist or social worker once she gets settled in at the current geri psych hospital and inquire about options for placement once she is discharged

My mom has been in the geri psych hospital too twice since September, and just got back out three weeks ago. I'm kind of playing it by ear right now. She is in an ALF type environment but her social worker did say that at some point if she continues to have psychiatric episodes there she will need NH care, and the lady gave me info for a NH here that specializes in seniors who are mentally ill that I believe does take Medicaid.

Something like that might be a good option for your mom, especially if she struggles with long term mental health issues.

I'm really sorry you are going through this, and having just had a rough surgery to boot has to be super stressful. Hopefully the hospital can give you some options.

BSG,
How difficult. It seems that is mom is just picking on this one lady that the facility should be doing something more to keep them apart. Have you tried a private caregiver on a temporary basis to try to understand this situation better? But we all know about staffing problems at facilities. To send mom to geriatric psych facility because of this one problem is strange. Are you sure there isn't something else going on? The facility may not be appropriate for mom. But another, she would probably find someone else to dislike.

Just a dam' minute.

There is a fellow resident with a hearing impairment who wanders about the place touching people. (I don't quite follow how this works for her. How does touch replace sound? But I'm sure they know their resident.)

And your mother is expected to process and retain the information that this lady's sensory impairment is compensated for by touching, and to tolerate somebody laying hands on her?

I'm not sure who's the most nuts person in the picture!

You'd have thought it would be just as easy to teach the lady with the hearing impairment about appropriate touching as it is to expect your mother to make reasonable accommodations for disability. Maybe it is "just as" easy. I.e. not possible in either case.

Have you met formally with the unit's staff to discuss the point?