Before my dad and my mom's husband of 62 yrs died suddenly in June (in NJ), they had planned to move to FL permanently. I currently live in CT. They've been snowbirds for the past 20 or so years -- have a beautiful home & are permanent residents. Since June, mom's cardiac probs have worsened ( broken heart?), and she was dx with dementia in August. She started showing symptoms about 2 yrs ago, but dad concealed and compensated well for her. Dad was trying to shoulder everything so his adult children didn't have to. ( I miss him painfully and am falling apart a little more each day). Long story short -- it's been the worst most challenging 6 months of my 57 years by far, as Im POA & HCP, with minimal family, minimal friend, and only professional support ( eg geriatric care mgr, one or 2 docs, my therapist).
Mom is currently in rehab, after cardiac probs & has no insight into future with dementia or real life current needs. She's assuming life as usual upon discharge, which should've happened a while ago, but hasn't bc of a slew of other related & frustrating challenges. She's gotta get out -- it's depressing and the medical care is terrible. And, I know the lack of stimulation and socialization is making things worse all around, in context of dementia. Not great feeling for me either, honestly. Love mom deeply.. Im feeling so guilty & sad that she's there, wanting to leave, and hasn't been able to. (Long story) She's always had THE best docs & care. Dad would be heartbroken. :-( ( stay tuned for a future post.about that)
Is the idea of moving to FL completely insane? She'd go to AL or MC. Home care isn't possible for a bunch of reasons. Fortunately, it's something we could swing financially. And, it'd save in the long run due to no income tax. So much would have to happen -- so many details, logistics, etc - eg, placement, travel, new medical team, medication mgmt (temp), moving me ( and pet), car(s) transport, transition challenges, etc. Sometimes, Im crazy enough to think it could work. At others ( more), I actually wonder if I've lost touch with reality not kidding. The sun &fresh air are good. (Not a fan of hurricanes, tho.)
Lots of important I haven't included.-- just too much.
Anyone have experience with something like this? Ideas? Suggestions? Sometimes the craziest ideas turn out to be the best ones, so im open to hearing them each & every one.
Ahead of time, Thank You for making time to respond. More appreciated than you know.
I did the opposite, moved south and then my mom. The transportation is the issue. If she is still able to travel by plane with assistance then great. Does she still have an ID to get through TSA? Then who is going to pack up the house and sell? Your options is to do it yourself or hire people with mom's money.
Keep in touch with rehab and ask for a video care meeting to see what she can and cannot do.
This will take a bit of planning which needs a few weeks. You are her guardian which means you do not have to pay for her care. You just assist with bill paying and making the decisions on where she should go. Later you may have to fill the paperwork for long term care.
It takes time to grieve. Snap big decisions are advised against. For at least 12 months. But I see Mother's health has changed & accommodation needs to be sorted.
It was nice your folks enjoyed their snowbird years 😊
It's ok to grieve that is over now too.
But to now: Where do YOU want to live?
Coz really, living in an air-conditioned assisted living or memory care, will it be a huge difference for your Mother if she lives in Florida or not?