What do you do when you think you may have caregiver burn out?

I think I am getting caregiver burn

I think I am getting caregiver burn out..my mom is in. Memory care center has been there for 4 years I go visit her just about every day..for the past 4 years..about 2 months ago she was put on hospice..about 2 weeks ago I started what I think it is anxiety attacks I know I am getting burned out I am the only one to care for my mom and visit her and try to make sure everything is ok at the memory care center..I know her days are numbered..and I think that is what's hitting me hard..when to doctor and she put me on Prozac..seems to be helping a little..how can I help myself to cope with this better??

Taking care of a parent with serious physical or mental health needs can be very hard even with help from other family. But we owe it to them. They have done so much for us. Now its our turn.

I guess I am lucky that dad is mobile but it is getting tiring. Between him, his dog, my daughter and her husband and their dog I am burned out. I run a business from home so I am here 24/7...... I am either playing dog sitter (cant leave a puppy locked up in a room for 10 hours a day), or shopping and cooking and trying to run my business. I get so overwhelmed that my business pays the price. I get ADD and put things off until the last second because I get interrupted.
Its 2:00 and I haven't got much done for work. It's either home issues, family issues or something else that gets me off base. Tomorrow I go to a conference for 2 days with my wife so I can forget about it a little. Hopefully the house will be in one piece when I get home.......

It's very taxing and stressful caring for an elderly parent. I do think as children we should do what we can for our aging parents. I do not, however, think we "owe" our own lives. I have been doing the caring for elderly parents for almost 20 years. I started when I was 33. I am now 53. My primary life is done. I have my own health issues. I wish I had the outlook "keep on going...I owe my parents". At what cost do you finally pay your debt and be able to enjoy your own life?

Mom, 88, has severe arthritis and had bypass surgery this past spring. She and Dad, 92, with COPD, 24 hour oxygen and moderate dementia, live in their own home. Sibs and I support this and try to have a schedule to provide care and support. I hired Home Instead 3 days to supplement our care, especially since sibs have own health and job issues and in case winter weather impedes travel for me on my days (an hour away). Mom and one sib, the one she listens to the most, thinks only family should help. But same sib has already disappeared from care for weeks or months at a time this past year with no communication that this was happening. Just stopped showing up and would not answer phone. Even when finally answerd Mom's call, would not say if or when might return to care. When in help mode, he has had a tantrum because someone else did grocery shopping, then refused to do any shopping. Now "back" and he and Mom say Home Instead not needed. Sib also hides things in parents house. i.e. I bought a container to organize meds and it just disappeared. Anything he "doesn't like". Mom says nothing when he verbally attacks sibs or Dad or even herself. Everyone including docs, and sibs is stupid and only this sib knows anything. If it was just him and Mom, I'd visit once a week or less and just leave them be together. But I and other sibs worry about Dad who is subject to sib's and Mom's verbal abuse. Mom has an eating disorder (not officially diagnosed) and keeps track of everything he eats and has to comment " He ate 3 oranges today already" When I say that is mean, Mom, she says "he's my husband. I can say what I want".. No money or dietary problem, by the way. Sib has said Home instead will be gone soon. Mom has already canceled one of the three days three days two weeks in a row. In summary, two of us sibs are subject to criticism for what we do from cooking to laundry to making hot chocolate for Dad and verbal abuse at any time. We're there for Dad. But how do we survive this ourselves and keep Dad emotionally and physicallys afe?

Frazzledwife247 - this is for YOU--
Beer Juice lowers Blood Pressure naturally. Publix, our local supermarket here in Florida, sells several different brands. Buy the organic if you can afford it. 1/2 cup a day is what I give my mom and she now doesn't have to take any high blood pressure medications. I live with her and cook super healthy , organic and super low sodium meals. So that probably helps too, but drinking the 1/2 cup organic beer juice and taking a good probiotic , helps with so many health issues. I give her a Renew Life, Ultimate Flora, women's care probiotic with the green label, every night before bed in a tablespoon of her favorite yogurt or applesauce.
It's really been helping her skin problems. She can't swallow pills so I just open the capsule and pour out the contents into the yogurt. No smell or taste to it, she wouldn't even know I added if I didn't tell her. If you search the internet, there are all kinds of supplements that can help the elderly AND the caregivers. It's always the same story: the one sibling that doesn't work due to their own many health problems is the one that ends up dealing with the guilt and pain of having to take care of the mom or dad. The siblings always reply:
" well, I work."
And they usually don't have any health problems. So is caregovers who already have serious health problems of our own, ended up ushimg ourselves to death because we think that since we don't work, that it's us that SHOULD be taking care of them. BUT PUR JOBS ATE THE MOST DIFFICULT JOBS IN THE WORLD BECAUSE WE NEVER GET TO LEAVE AT THE END OF THE DAY AND GO HOME AND RELAX! NEVER! No one knows what it's like to be sick AND have to be a caregiver. Not unless they live in your shoes.. and it will never happen. If only someone could invent a pill that would make us not feel guilty , that would solve a lot of emotion turmoil. Only God knows what we are going through. I don't have an answer, I only want to say that I am one of those people too, that is sick and full of health problems, yet I am the one out of us three kids that ended up having to take care of my parents. It's just not fair OR right.

Frazzledwife247- BEET juice! Not beer juice! So sorry for that mistake!

I feel as if I have burnout. My 94 year old mother in law lives with us. She has full blown dementia . We have her going to adult day care and have two people stay with her for about five hours each day until we arrive home from work. She is fine with the two aids until my wife gets home. Then she gets antsy and snippy with the aids. I also care for my parents,both 99 years old with advanced cancers. My dad requires most of the care due to the nature of his cancer which requires frequent visits to the ER ,dealing with catheters, bladder infections,edema,not sleeping,etc. my dad can be very demanding and impatient. I own a seasonal business do 'this time of year I am able to meet their needs,but during my season I work seven days a week twelve to fourteen hours a day. I am now in the process of getting things ready to open,but find I can only get things one in the late day or evening which leaves me wiped out. It doesn't ge any easie as when Iget home I have mymother in law. Here is an example. Yesterday I had to take my dad to a dr visit. The nurse took us in at the appointed time and went through the usual questions. Because only one doctor was on duty we had to wait a bit. My dad started in complaining and took it out on the nurse. I asked him to please stop. He quiets down for a time and the doctor arrives and my dad immediately starts in that he can't sleep and wants sleeping pills. This goes back to my dad wanting instant relief with no care about side effects. Along with cancer he has Gerd . We have tried to thebetter part of three years to get him to change his diet. Lately he has come around,u now balks at taking the meds because he didn't get instant relief. We get home and he and my mom start arguing over something trivial. I am in the middle mediating. After dealing with my parents I come home to my mother in law being nasty to one of the aids. It hit me wrong so I left the room and didn't return until she had gone to bed. It just feels like things are out of control. From the moment I wake until bed I am dealing with myarents needs anthen comeback to deal with my mother in law.

JimL, your MIL belongs in a residential facility.

If MIL is on Medicaid or is Medicaid eligible, get the ball rolling and match her with a facility that accepts Medicaid. If her assets require her to go private-pay, do that until the money runs out. Then switch her to Medicaid.

Now for the million-dollar question. What does your wife get out of this? Other than living in a zoo and turning your marriage into a constant competition of who had a worse day?

Both sets of parents are in their 90s. Which puts you & wife in your 60s/70s. No offense, but you're too old for this. Having MIL's specialized (and increasing) needs under your roof 24/7 is not conducive to a healthy life for you and your wife.

When MIL was your age, was she living they way you and your wife are? Probably not. How about your parents?

It's time to make a change. At the rate you're going, there's a good chance MIL will outlive you and/or your wife.

There's nothing wrong with saying, "I want our life back" and "I want our home back." Give it a whirl.

I will never leave my Mom and Dad ever. my problem is the verbal abuse and constant belittling of my family members

I pray (more) for strength and patience for myself as well as for the patient. If no
one else is there for us we know that God is always with us.

I'm so glad I found this forum!! I have been very depressed and trying to figure out how I can cope with this situation. My mom has lived with us now for 3 years and we always were very close but now living together is another story. She's 88 and is in fairly good health but just wants to lay in her recliner all day and watch tv which is a downer for me! I didn't really think this through and wish now I would have insisted she go to an assisted living where she could be around people her own age. I don't know what to do, I suggested the assisted living yesterday since we aren't getting along and she says fine put me in there and forget about me. So now of course I would feel guilty!! Has anyone had to do this??