Most people live within the vicinity of an airport, even a small airport where they could make a connection to the city where your folks live. Could your siblings perhaps schedule long week-end trips, etc. every so often to your parents home to give you an occasional break? Sorry to say if your siblings are taking trips (vacations for themselves, without taking other trips to visit your folks) than they may be the non-helping type of siblings.
Another huge help - when Mom needed assisted living, my niece did all the research online, made calls. She sent me a short list to go visit - saved me so much time.
My sister handles all the VA and Medicare phoning and sending paperwork. She gets Mom's clothes and sends them on. She sends Mom little goodies boxes with candies, photos - this is also a great idea for other relatives.
My inlaws ordered Schwann's food for a while - you can order than online.
My sister lives over 600 miles away and she has been wonderful. She comes down to give me a break about every 3 months for 10 days and she does a lot of the research on things our Mom needs for her home. I am blessed to have her able to help in an way possible! I agree with sandwich42plus, a card, balloons, flowers, even just a phone call to check on them is nice. Make a list of the things that you need help with, and prioritize and see who is best suited for each task. Allow yourself to give the tasks to someone else to handle and sit back and try to relax (I know easier said than done). I only live 1 mile from my mother and stay at night there after the daytime caregivers leave.
Being an only child taking care of it all, I would have lept for joy if anybody had helped - sibling, friend, or acquiantance.
I would love it if somebody would own just doing the dadgum taxes. It's a lot of paperwork, and takes devoted time to prepare and submit. This person needs POA though, to sign the documents.
Bill paying is another one. You can do a lot online. If I had a sibling out of state, they can be issued a credit card on mom's account to do her business.
Somebody can send her flowers periodically. Or balloons.
I know a lady who sends her mom a greeting card every day. Something like this is a perfect task for a long distance helper.
Send you gift cards to the gas station, to help with all the driving involved.
Send gift cards to the drug store or grocery store you use the most for mom.
Sometimes you need somebody to do research that takes time.
It all comes down to what can be done online or out of state, or what can be compensated with money for the long distance people to be effective. I would also be very, very specific about what you need and ask who has ideas to help with that.
I have 2 brothers; mom is in a NH, one brother is 10 minutes away, I'm 2 hours away, another brother is 5 hours away. We would be thrilled if youngest are farthest away brother let us know when he was going on vacation in advance, answered his cell phone and email when we try to make contact. He does come up and visit mom every 6 weeks or so, but we struggle with his lack of involvement, although I can't say that there's something specific he could do. If he sent my SIL a spa gift card once in a while, that would be lovely, because she does most of the visiting, shopping, etc for mom.
I'm anxious to hear what suggestions anyone else has. If the person close by was suffering from lack of funds, money for gas, etc might be appropriate from a better-off sib, but thankfully, this is not the case in our family.
POA is absolutely key. Talk with your sibs and parents about this soon and come to an informed and reasonable decision. In our case, it's the person who is closest by.
Hi Jeanne, thank you for your swift and thoughtful reply. Parents are in home although that may change soon, I am going to get an assessment. I live nearby and do a lot. Four other siblings live out of town. One has asked what they can do. I don't know what to say. I don't know about POA, I need to look into that.
Can you elaborate a little? Are your parents in their home, a care center, living with a relative? Are any of their adult children living nearby? Who is doing the primary day-to-day caregiving? Who has financial POA and medical POA?
Most people on this site are thrilled to see out-of-town siblings looking for ways to participate in care, and I'll bet you'll get some good suggestions. But it will help us to understand the situation more clearly.
My inlaws ordered Schwann's food for a while - you can order than online.
I would love it if somebody would own just doing the dadgum taxes. It's a lot of paperwork, and takes devoted time to prepare and submit. This person needs POA though, to sign the documents.
Bill paying is another one. You can do a lot online. If I had a sibling out of state, they can be issued a credit card on mom's account to do her business.
Somebody can send her flowers periodically. Or balloons.
I know a lady who sends her mom a greeting card every day. Something like this is a perfect task for a long distance helper.
Send you gift cards to the gas station, to help with all the driving involved.
Send gift cards to the drug store or grocery store you use the most for mom.
Sometimes you need somebody to do research that takes time.
It all comes down to what can be done online or out of state, or what can be compensated with money for the long distance people to be effective. I would also be very, very specific about what you need and ask who has ideas to help with that.
I'm anxious to hear what suggestions anyone else has. If the person close by was suffering from lack of funds, money for gas, etc might be appropriate from a better-off sib, but thankfully, this is not the case in our family.
POA is absolutely key. Talk with your sibs and parents about this soon and come to an informed and reasonable decision. In our case, it's the person who is closest by.
Most people on this site are thrilled to see out-of-town siblings looking for ways to participate in care, and I'll bet you'll get some good suggestions. But it will help us to understand the situation more clearly.