In late November, early December; my mom was diagnosed with a blood filled cyst near her right kidney. Doctor's said that she was not strong enough for surgical repair so she is terminal. They also found a large mass in her stomach and made the supposition that it is benign but we truly don't know the status of that mass as no further testing was done. We were trying to have her placed in a nursing home but due to the extensive care she needed and the COVID situation in our nursing homes they refused. I decided to bring mom home. She had stated that she did not want to linger but also wanted to be with her family. I was trying to honor her last wishes. Well, miracles do happen because its been almost three months and mom is still with us! She has recently begun walking with a walker, her appetite has improved 100 percent since she came home. I've had her on hospice but as she is not declining and actually seems to be getting stronger they are discharging her. While this is all good news it also brings up the idea of a nursing home again. I have been taking care of my mom 24/7 since December 4. I've had a respite of about 10 days total that were not all together in these three months. I am 55 years old, my A1C is over 10 , I cannot get it down. Partly because all of my energy and strength is going to ensure that mom has what she needs and wants while ignoring my own needs. I don't always take my meds. I also recently found out that I have to have a CPAP w/oxygen as well. Then last week due to mom not complying with the proper way to lift her I pulled a muscle in my neck and shoulders, ended up in the ER. While there they did some ex-rays of my neck and discovered that I have stenosis and degenerative disc disease in my neck and extending into my thoracic area. My husband had this problem and it resulted in fusion of his c3-c7. So now I am scared I'm going to need that surgery too. With all that being said, I cannot keep taking care of my mom. I love her dearly, am so proud of how she's boucing back but I just cannot do it. If I had rotating help from family members it might be possible. My sister has severe heart problems and my brother is that one family member that everyone has, you know the one that sometimes we wish they would just disappear... My daughter is willing to help but she works 12 hrs a day 4 days a week (sometimes 5) and I really don't want her to give up her life. We have decided to look into declaring incompetentcy and placing her in the nursing home forcefully. That's a terrible word, I hate using it but mom is completely unwilling. She is declining mentally although to a certain extent she is still okay. However she is physically incapable of caring for herself. Absolutely cannot live alone. Thoughts? Opinions?
I am sorry but, a loving mom doesn't put her wants above her daughter's wellbeing. She doesn't care what she is doing to you and quite frankly, that changes the game for me.
Your dad was very unkind to extort a death bed sentence from you and your sibling. Mom is a grown woman and she can make her own choices, that doesn't mean that you have to go along. You are an adult and you no longer have to do what she says.
Call APS and report her as a vulnerable senior and that you, as her daughter, are going into the hospital and can not help her. Tell her that her lack of care for your wellbeing is costing her choices, because you refuse to be a statistic because she is so selfish that she can not see or more like she refuses to look at what her selfishness is doing to you.
Get the doctor on your side.
The mass in her stomach has not been diagnosed. Have it checked for changes.
If she is in fact improving (and not just rallying), get her assessed for the surgery (blood filled cyst near rt. kidney) again.
You can change hospice providers.
I think the answer is placement. The question is always how to get this accomplished. It often requires the desperation of ER Dump and that is desperation indeed.
I am so sorry for all the things you all are going through. Chronic pain and delibility is so depressing. I wish you the very best. I hope someone has some idea that can be of some real value. My sympathy nets you exactly zero. I am so sorry.