Cargiving is HARD. Plain and simple. Whether you're doing it in your own home (the hardest, I would think) or you have the "help" of a facility... it's NOT for the faint of heart.

It's official... I'm faint of heart, and sometimes I just want to give up. I've been to hell and back twice trying to figure out what works best for Dad while feeling halfway content with my choice of care all while breaking my neck to pay for it all.

Well, the SH** has hit the fan with the facility near my house. I haven't shared this, but I spend an average of two workdays a week going back and forth with the VA on this whole fiduciary mess.

There's a thread about it somewhere, but it should be criminal for them to treat honest people this way. They can NOT get it together. Anyway, during the month that the appointed fiduciary supposedly took care of Dad's bills, the Assisted Living Facility didn't get the money.

I nearly fell out out my chair when I saw the bill with the overdue balance of $3,920 plus late fees and the other nickle and dime nonsense they charged me. I also have received a NOTICE OF DISCHARGE for nonpayment. So... I have spent the last 3 hours trying to track down what happened to the check, and since no one knows where it is, I have to wait for a stop payment to be issued, receive a paper check from the VA (minus the stop payment fee), deposit the check and write the ALF the check that was issued on 5/1/2018 (according to the fiduciary) that the ALF never received.

...and you ask why I'm such a control freak. Had I never had to unwillingly delegate this responsibility to someone else, it would have been DONE.

I understand why the process is in place to monitor what happens to a disabled vet's funds, but the amount of stress and anguish I've had to endure since April from the VA has NOT made any of this any easier.

Is this EVER going to end????

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Call the special Veteran's Affairs hotline.
Helpful Answer (4)
anonymous262233 Jun 2018
All over it!!! I have them on speed dial at this point!
Try contacting your local Congresswo/man - they have constituent service people who can help cut thru the red tape.
Helpful Answer (5)

Oh, boy! Sorry to hear this, Tinyblu. Oy....
Helpful Answer (3)

Dear Tinyblu,

I'm so sorry to hear what happened. (((hugs))) my friend. I hope you can get this sorted out. Thinking of you.
Helpful Answer (1)

The plot thickens... my emails and phone calls are going unanswered from the ALF staff.

I have a mind to march myself in there and DEMAND that they verify this information since everyone's hands are tied until we get a YAY or NAY on where that check is (more time off work?!?!)

This has been a nightmare times ten. I'm just ready for this entire process to be streamlined. Since this whole mess, I am keeping copies of copies of EVERYTHING which has come in handy.

The VA keeps "not receiving" paperwork, and I keep "resending" dated copies.

It's really sad that a government agency is so poorly run. If I had time, I would get a group together and take a trip to Washington and make some noise.

Sorry everyone... I REALLY need to vent or I'm going to lose it.... YIKES!!!!
Helpful Answer (2)

The VA is a US Government agency. ALL government agencies are incompetent, take forever to get anything done and most don’t mind lying to cover up their own incompetence and laziness. This is reality.
Helpful Answer (3)

Tinyblu, I've dealt with SS for my son and it's a nightmare. It took months of
trying until I finally found someone who actually did the job and took care of things
Took him 1/2 hour!! Argggh. Hours and hours wasted spent on hold and talking in circles. Not to mention 6 trips to the local office. Just to change a date on form.

Gone through a few long delays around LTC with AL and NH. It can drive you
absolutely craaaaaaazy. Because they play dumb or get defensive. Or just don't
care. You have to be persistent and not let it ruin your day. It makes me wonder
if they do this on purpose, hoping that claimants will just give up and quit persuing
their benefits.

Hang in there. I wish you the best of luck. Hope you get a motivated employee next time. They are out there. Sometimes seem as rare as four leaf clovers. :/
Helpful Answer (2)

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