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I take care of my dad alone with three sisters nearby. No help at all from them. Not even a phone call to say hi to dad, let alone a visit from them. Now because dad will be 95 next month, and most likely his last Thanksgiving, of course they want to include him in Thanksgiving. They actually asked me to bring him to their house! He cannot stand, walk, and is bed-bound. (He has cancer and dementia and is on hospice). Shows how much they know about his condition! I could go without a holiday right now. Just wondering how everyone else is handling it. And all my best wishes to all of you.

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My son, his wife and my 3 grandchildren are driving 1000 miles to spend T.G. with me and Mom, smack in the middle of that storm. (Any prayers would be appreciated). My son just told me.....Mom, besides the yukky stuff, I'm gonna take care of Gramma. I want you to have fun with the kids, and let me take care of everything else. I am so blessed. Hope you ALL have a blessed Holiday as well.
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My sister surprised me by inviting Mom, who lives with me, to their house for Thanksgiving. This will give my husband and me a much needed break. They are keeping Mom for 3 nights. I'm driving her over (2 hours) and they will bring her back. I can hardly think what I will do with all that free time in my home.

I thought my husband and I would have a nice Thanksgiving day alone but the caregiving urge never stops. He invited his sister and her son for dinner so that they would not be alone. But at least we will have other time to ourselves.
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Twenty years ago my MIL hosted Thanksgiving will her children and stepchildren. That meant the ex-wife, who had cancer, was going to be alone. So my MIL invited her and they sat on either side of my FIL at the head of the table. They spent the entire dinner making fun of him. It was the best, most hilarious Thanksgiving I ever attended.
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Wouldn't it be wonderful if the family ever said, "We'll come pick up Dad (or Mom) at the house, then bring him (her) back"? It is more like they say they'll do something if we'll do all the heavy lifting. I would absolutely love for my family to give me a day vacation by coming to get her for the day. I know it isn't going to happen.
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Well, I guess a miracle has happened, and my sisters who live near by are going to come over here to the house to have TG dinner with our dad and me. They are even bringing food. I do realize why they are doing this, but I'm going to set that aside, and enjoy seeing my dad be happy to have his other daughters here. There are actually ten of us. Seven girls, three boys. My mom and brothers are all deceased. So it will be four of his daughters here. (First time in ages!) The others live out of state and cannot make it. I felt my mom's spirit yesterday so strong. Maybe she had some doing in this! :) I wish you all a loving positive time tomorrow and hoping we all keep the strength to carry on regardless!
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At his age in his condition and in hospice, you are absolutely right, moving him to a holiday dinner would not be the least bit enjoyable for either of you. I would buy a nice holiday card and send it to each sister, I would right a nice note advising that dad's condition prevents you from sharing with them and that dad would be very thankful for their visit as this will likely be his final holiday season.

Get a sappy card at Hallmark.....just a different way to ask them to visit, but the Holiday spirit may guilt them.

If they visit, maybe they will open their eyes and hearts.

I am sorry, it is a difficult Holiday for you.
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Thanks for all your responses. It's good to see that some get family together! I do get dad in a special chair called a Geri-chair. But it is so cumbersome and heavy, there's no way to move him around (outside) in it! It's interesting that they've only visited him once when he had to go to the IPU for a few days (at hospice center for my respite). A friend told me it's obvious why they only want to do something on a holiday....it's really to make THEMSELVES feel better. Not my dad or me!
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Sole, I can certainly identify with two siblings within 10 miles. One wanted to host, but I explained just too hard on mom. So, I offered if she wanted to cook, she could certainly do it here. Would you be surprised if I told you I never received any sort of reply? Nope, probably not. So, after two weeks, said to heck with them and planned a nice, quiet Thanksgiving meal for mom, her husband, and me with one of my friends. And my mom is not bed bound. I simply cannot imagine your siblings even asking you to take him out! And you are right, because they don't assist, they just do not get it, nor will they ever. In previous years I have also told siblings if they want mom there they would need to pick up and bring home, I would take a break, that didn't go over well either, oh well. That is just the way it is.
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Last year my husband was on hospice in November. I hosted a family dinner the weekend before Thanksgiving. All of our children and their children and his ex-wife showed up, about 25 people. I had hoped he would be able to join us for a little while, but he remained in bed. The only one who hadn't recently visited was his ex-wife, and I made sure she got a few minutes with him. They both seemed glad for that.

On Thanksgiving day itself he was feeling a little more chipper and I took him around the neighborhood a bit in his wheelchair and then we had a nice traditional meal supplied by Hospice. He died a week later.

This year my mother (93, dementia) is in rehab. One of my brothers will eat there with her. She loves the food there and is looking forward to it. This brother is particularly good with her. He doesn't care for large gatherings and she often hasn't felt like going out, so he has had many holiday meals with her since she's been a widow. My sister is hosting a very large gathering. I'll be there. Mom would be there, too, if she weren't in the transitional care unit, but I think this year it is probably just as well she has an alternative to the boisterous gathering.

Solegiver, obviously your sisters don't comprehend the situation. I don't know if they sincerely want to see their father for one last holiday, or if they'd like him there as kind of an ornament, as a symbol of their family spirit. But either way he obviously can't be there. I kind of like lsmiami's suggestion about the cards!
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I am going to stay home and cook for my dad and husband, gonna do the whole nine yards minus the siblings. I have 4 brothers and sisters, all relatively close, rare phone calls let alone visits (my brother says he has a family to attend to!!) 86 year old dad's mobility and balance are very poor, he has CHF and has recently found out how bad his heart is, he is operating at 30%. Add in dementia, lymphodema and the fact that he is a really big man, it can be really taxing as you all know. So, I hope they all have fun taking "care of their families," maybe someone will pony up and call dad. Not one of them has any idea of what a day as a full time caregiver is like. Blessings to all of you in caregiverland!
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