I'm terrified of my own old age. How do I get past this feeling?

Mi Advocacy,
Que bueno tu tienes padres sanos y felices. Este es la razón tu estas contenta.
Pero, no todos tienen lo mismo situación. Es más deficil cuando los padres tienen Alzheimer's. Es un enfermedad muy grave con distrución de su personalidad.

Algunos de nosotros estamos sufriendo con madres y padres muy enfermos de la mente. Es difícil a ver lo bueno cuando todo el tiempo es lo malo. Disfruta tus padres en su mayoridad. Dios los bendiga.


How great that your parents are healthy and happy. That's the reason you're content.
But not all of us have the same situation. It's more difficult when your parents have Alzheimer's. It's a serious illness with destruction of their personality.

Some of us are suffering with mothers and fathers that are very sick in the mind. It's difficult to see the good when it's bad all the time. Enjoy your parents in their old age. God bless you all.

Totally, TOTALLY get this. Have told my kids that there is no way I'm going to hang in there like what I've been witnessing. I just...can't. I will hoard pills, I will do something, with the most logical "doing something" actually making the decision to do NOTHING and stop treatments, letting nature take its course.  I don't want to commit suicide, but to be honest, depending on how bad things get,  I don't have a religious barrier to suicide, and I certainly have no plans to suffer until a bitter end that levels me and my children. I find it a travesty that we make humans suffer more than we would our dogs. As my father declines, I too admit that I'm too obsessed about my own old age, with bitterness, anger, and grief. I'm working on this with a counselor, because I know this can't be good. I'm also reading the Power of Now - which, in a nutshell, is about living moment to moment and not worrying about the future - sort of the non-denominational version of Leave it in God's hands. And of course, as we know, nothing goes to plan - (watch the movie, Still Alice, to see how this plays out). So yeah, all this mental planning is, in the big picture kind of pointless, when there are so many ways to die (Busses. Always a factor. Bitter laughter.) Now that I've written all this because the question called to me so much, I'm going to go back and read the wisdom of everyone else.

I'm so low on the totem pole of answers here that I don't think many of you will read this. But, I do have to put in my two cents worth. My 94 year old mom, with dementia and in an assisted living home, needs me...her 75 year old daughter...to lean on. I've seen the ravages of dementia ageing with my Dad with Alzheimers and now Mom with age related dementia. And, yes, Mom does say to me....I only hope that, when I am gone, I can look down from heaven to you and say....this is what it's like. Well, I'm not so sure that I will be like either my Mother or my Father. I am what I am now and I intend to stay that way as long as possible. Should dementia be my partner in my ageing years, then so be it. I don't expect my children to "take care of me" at that time. I do want to be in a facility that will take care of my everyday needs. I guess that that means I feel secure in my financial position at that time, but....it is what it is. I WILL NOT live my life now fearing the future. I will cross that bridge when I get to it. I do have faith in my children to see to my care in an executive way, but NEVER in a hands on way. Hang in there and think positive.

tired - nothing goes according to plan for sure, but you have to look ahead and make educated guesses. If my parents had died young from cancer, I would be looking at being prepared for that. But there is longevity on both sides, so I am going with it.

Hi nebbish - my parents too have/had dementia, though not Alz. My father had diabetes type and vascular dementia and died from it aged 81. My mother, aged 105 in an ALF, has vascular dementia and I am her POA, medical and financial. I hate paperwork, but it has to be done. I watch my BP and blood sugar and have, so far, managed to keep them where they should be.

I so agree about not fearing the future. I had a lot more health fears when I was younger. but, eventually, decided to let them go as I stayed pretty healthy. They were just fears. Having made it this far, one day at a time and being thankful for it, works best for me as well as making provision for what may lie ahead. Something healthwise will crop up eventually, unless I get hit by a bus.

...in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes. Benjamin Franklin

I've read all of the comments - many different perspectives. I try not to think too much. I'm prepared financially, I've renovated my house to be more senior friendly, and have my will in order, but that's about it. My dad, his mother and two of his sisters all died at 67. I'm 67 and I have the same health problems they all had - diabetic, rheumatoid arthritis and rheumatic heart disease. I take care of myself, but I have what I have and figure one of my conditions will do me in. My husband grew up in an orphanage. He knows a little of his biological parents health history. His mother died in her 40's and his dad in his 70's. He played in the NFL for 14 years and had a couple of concussions. He has regular head CT's to check for CTE. So far no problems. He's very health conscious - better than me. I don't concentrate on the what if's, I'm okay now and that's good enough.

I hear you, but let me ask you a few questions, just for you to ponder.
1) how financially prepared are you for your future? Do you have in order your own life insurance, long term disability plan, ability to pay for $4,000/month assisted living (out of pocket)?
2) how much do you Trust those around you to make proper decisions for you? Would they be selfless or greedy? I know a woman who is putting herself in a Terrible situation financially, just so her children - who rarely visit - get a decent inheritance. She has 4th stage cancer.
3) do you trust your husband to do what is in your best interest? Does he do so now, even if it's to his inconvenience? The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. And frankly, if you are beginning to realize that he hasn't been honorable so far, do not believe he will be in the future.
If, on the other hand, you are simply panicking on what is to come, make some changes NOW.
For instance, start decluttering as you see something that does not have great sentimental or purposeful use, give it away to someone who would appreciate it. Look on YouTube for KonMari method. She will teach you a lot about keeping only what brings you purpose or joy. Also, talk with your insurance agent about putting insurance policies in place now for your (possible) assisted living future. Your future self will thank you for it!

Green Bee, I have life insurance, long term care insurance, health care and financial POA's. I'm prepared to pay for assisted living and/or nursing home care should they be necessary. I only have one son who lives over 2000 miles away. I know that I cannot count on him for care. My husband is a good person that I trust completely. I'm still working and will do so as long as possible, as does my husband. We're both licensed clinical psychologists with our own separate  private practices. I've prepared financially for the possibility of long term care. I've done all I can. I've worked at least one and many years two full time jobs so that I'm prepared.

I took care of my parents with the help of hospice at their home and they died within 8 weeks of each other, 69 and 72 years old, I am now 67 , if i am diagnosed with cancer , I am going out on MY terms, I am not going through that  and put my kids and grandkids though it, also have a living will with DNR if  I have another heart attack

I've been thinking, I am 75 in November and Caretake my Mother who will be 100 in October. I am in my old age. I am very busy getting Mother's 100th Birthday Party together. No time to worry now. Usually I worry about financing care for myself at an older old age. Someone asked me at Church this am how am I coping Caretaking 24 x 7. I told him how much I like it and that this is a very nice period of life centered around family like when my children were small. Today I was sorting out pictures to scan in to put on a DVD for the party. Mom said she really likes looking at all the pictures ( from when she was a baby until present). We are blessed with this family time together. I would like to think my sons or their wives will take Care of me when I am older old age,  don't think that will happen.  Whatever happens I will never be sorry for the time I am spending with Mom. Praise God.

Idahopilot - a geologist - fascinating! I loved geology, and always planned to take more than just the basic course I took to satisfy the college science requirement. What is your area of geological specialty?

At age 81 when I think of what all may happen in my remaining days or years of my life I remind myself that "God's got this" and don't give place to further ruminating about it.
Thank God that I live in the USA where one way or another almost everyone can get nursing home care for care in old age (I speak of Medicaid as a last resort.) I am thankful for a good and productive life and many blessings and am confident that God will be by my side for the rest of my days, and if I have to have some difficult days (or weeks, months or years) I am still going to say, "God's got this" and remain grateful no matter what.

Grace + Peace,

Bob

Amen, OldBob!

That's how I feel too OldBob!

God has got my back. He is taking care of me while I am taking care of DH.

Thank you.

None of us are promised tomorrow. I think you have to live for today. Just lost a friend to ALS this year. He was healthy and strong a year ago. His decline and death left me breathless. There was no reason for it. Be kind to others and do what's on your bucket list while you can.