Anyone experienced a terrible pressure sore on patient despite excellent care?

It's very easy for a bed-bound person to develop bedsores. Even the best caregiving can't always prevent them. If you haven't done so already, contact a medical rental supply and arrange for a specialized machine that will keep changing the pressure on her bed. We found that this one element was more than important than turning. Wounds on the tailbone tend to take much longer to heal (just the opposite of how quickly they can form in that location). If you don't already have a visiting wound nurse coming in to apply medications and change the wound dressings, you should. Make that every day until the wound starts to scab and heal. This was the second most important element involved in getting those wounds healed and in preventing new ones. My mom's tailbone wound took over 3 months to heal.

I am a retired RN. I worked in a hospital many many years. We were taught that pressure sores were preventable. And yes we were repremanded if one formed because they cost the hospital money. But I can tell you I have gone home from my 8 hr shift , leaving a patient with baby smooth skin and come back the next day to find a bad pressure sore on this same patient. Yes lots can be done to prevent them but they do happen regardless of the best care in the world. So just know it wasn't your fault. I give it to all you wonderful people who take care of loved ones who need so much care. I take care of my husband but he is not bedridden yet.
I helped take care of my mother in law who was and I know it is never ending work.

I hope this helps you with the guilt you are feeling.

It helped me to write about it in a journal - where nobody judges.
I came to realize that what I was really feeling was way more complicated that guilt.

Guilt is appropriate if you've done something illegal or immoral, and you have absolutely not.

When you get a moment to think at night, get a thesaurus out and start listing all the feelings in there that apply to you. There are so very many ways to express being upset. Once you get going, it's not hard to let them just come one after the other. Get them all down on paper.

Fear
Anger
Resentment
Insecurity
Distress
Frustration
Worry
Anxiety
Helplessness
No control
Inadequate


Etc. You can do your own list. I found it to be so much more precise than saying I was guilty. If you can stop labeling yourself as guilty, and use other words, you may find that you aren't worried about what other people think as much.

And you can describe to them EXACTLY what it's like to do such a high level of caregiving and find that it doesn't all work out like on TV. Give yourself a break, and tell yourself that it's OK. You are doing all the best things and what's going to happen is what's going to happen.

The psychobabble term for this exercise is "unpacking", but it was really helpful for me to deal with everything coming at me at once and criticism - real and imagined.

Yes, you do have company -- I bet there are a lot of other people that have the same experience we've had, and perhaps some of those people bear some of the same unearned "shame". Yes, I've seen some of those posts, too, but was smart enough to know that while many pressure sores can be traced to poor caregiving, not all of them can be. The only thing that should matter to you is this: Did you do the best you could, with the resources you had available? If you can honestly answer this in the affirmative, then you have no reason to feel bad or guilty. Pressure sores happen. And since you've already been doing all the right things to try to prevent and then treat them, I think you're doing your job really well! And the fact that you responded to the wounds quickly, and that you are concerned about the job you are going and how that is perceived by others, tells me you are doing it well!

For whatever it's worth, a good friend of mine who took care of her mom for quite a wile found that washing her legs and other vunlerable areas with diluted apple cider vinegar made a big difference in bedsores. When her mom wound up in a care facility, they wouldn't let her use the vinegar wash on her and the bedsores were much worse.

I originally posted this question in Feb 2015.
The pressure sore has remained the whole time .......stayed the same no matter what. As a result of constant care, it's remained in a "holding pattern" but it's still the same huge, ugly gaping sore with drainage etc. Hospice nurses come twice a week. MIL is also prone to coughing and aspirating so all meals are stressful as I worry about her choking every time she eats or drinks. I've followed every "rule" advice, etc, etc. She's just hanging on forever and ever. She's lost a good bit of weight since February but I'm giving her very high protein things that she can easily eat..................
Anyway, about 2 weeks ago we noticed some discoloration in her skin about 3 inches from the pressure sore. Despite our efforts, that spot has now opened and we fear that it will become one giant sore. The battle between me and hospice and the pressure sore goes on.........................but I'm discouraged and exhausted. I don't know how or why she is still alive but the guilt is all on me. Now I have Thanksgiving coming and I really don't want family checking her out and judging me. They probably won't but it's another stressor for me. I am having dinner here because it will likely be her last Thanksgiving............ Yes, I thought that last year too.

My Mom developed a stage 4 pressure sore in a 5 star rated rehab facility nearly a year and a half ago. She is now in my home bedbound. It has not healed but I have gotten it to shrink with protein, and staved off infection using colloidal silver with saline on the packing gauze. The skin is the first thing to go on a declining person, and high blood sugar can add to the occurrence of these wounds. I have heard stories of people developing these wounds after long hours on an operating table even. The tailbone wounds seem to be the worst and most stubborn no matter who is caring for the patient.

Anyone who has experience with a pressure has no right to judge. This is just something that happens to some people regardless of the level of care. watching our loved ones suffer is the hardest thing to do. Take pride in the obvious loving, wonderful care you take of your mom. She knows you are doing your best and screw what anyone else thinks. I commend you on what you are doing, I know it is not easy 😍

Anyone who has "no" experience....

She is still here Maria due to the wonderful loving care she is receiving from you. I took pride in the hardest job I have ever done in my life. But I would do it all over again to have my mom back. Prayers for peace and comfort for you 🙏.