Debra2, that is such a tough conversation, especially when one knows that it is time for such a move because the husband cannot help anymore, especially when both are in their 90's.
My Mom, who was 98, years old, was in the last stage of dementia that she didn't know what was going around her, she thought she was in a hotel. My Dad, also in his 90's, was so heartbroken to see her move, but he knew it was for the best.
I found this article here on Aging Care about moving a love one to a facility. Even though the article talks about moving a parent it can also relate to moving a spouse.
I think the idea that the home is much like a hotel is a good one. One ot the things most of us fail to realize is that the dementia patient is in an alternate reality - their perceptions are 100% accurate in their mind, and to be told that they are totally, absolutely wrong would be devastating.
So: Agree with what your wife says, When she says, Don't leave me here, agree, because you won't leave never to return. If she asks where she is, say the hotel (or place where we rented a room) where we're going to spend some time. Or the hotel to stay at until the house is fixed up. You don't have to give the absolute truth because that truth does not fit into their current understanding of the world. It's like having a 3 year old beg not to have shots - you are the only adult in the room now, and you do what it takes, using the amount of understanding and ability from the other person to make the event happen smoothly.
My Mom, who was 98, years old, was in the last stage of dementia that she didn't know what was going around her, she thought she was in a hotel. My Dad, also in his 90's, was so heartbroken to see her move, but he knew it was for the best.
I found this article here on Aging Care about moving a love one to a facility. Even though the article talks about moving a parent it can also relate to moving a spouse.
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/how-to-talk-to-parents-about-assisted-living-153013.htm
So: Agree with what your wife says, When she says, Don't leave me here, agree, because you won't leave never to return. If she asks where she is, say the hotel (or place where we rented a room) where we're going to spend some time. Or the hotel to stay at until the house is fixed up. You don't have to give the absolute truth because that truth does not fit into their current understanding of the world. It's like having a 3 year old beg not to have shots - you are the only adult in the room now, and you do what it takes, using the amount of understanding and ability from the other person to make the event happen smoothly.