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My next door neighbor has Alzheimer's and dementia who is 69 years old 70 in September and her other neighbor has a 33 year old male visitor who has been going over to her apartment and been staying longer and longer he knows what she has well last night I seen them in her car leaving together around 8 pm they got back around 10:30 pm and he was driving her car he got out then opened her door which is not a problem but it really looked like he was kissing her but couldn't swear on it then walked around car he grabs her hand and they walk hand and hand to her place he goes into her place where he stays about an hour. He has no money works part time, always borrows money from everyone and she well off. When he first met her he went inside her place came back out said "that lady has to much money then she knows what to do with" I'm afraid he might take advantage of that. I don't know anything about this guy I know he goes over to the other neighbor and drinks everyday with that other neighbor and that lady is 64 years old. Should I let her son know what I've seen or am I just jumping the gun here?

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Rain thank you, i lost sleep over this, never had to deal with something like this and i don't want the son to lose his temper and end up in jail but on other hand she is at a stage in dementia where she saw black bugs in her apartment talking to each other, so seeing someone that has been drinking a lot going into her place and having him drive her car while being under the influence is kind to scary. I only made the choice to tell her son because she has dementia if it were anyone else who was competent i wouldn't care. I look at it this way, if my mother was still alive i would want someone to let me know, even if it wasn't anything at least i knew someone was watching her when i couldn't.
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Sneak, thank you, that makes me feel better that i told her son, i dont get into people's business i didn't say anything about him always drinking at the others neighbor whom is 64 years because she doesn't have Alzheimer's and dementia and can make that decision on her own, but my dementia neighbor cant do that. So i do feel better now that i let the son now. Im sorry to hear about your mother, its so sad makes me so upset when people out there take advantage of the elderly. Thank you again
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No, don't get me wrong- I would have said to let the son know mom had a caller if the OP had said it was a priest coming to visit regularly. My concern is that I think it's a mistake to buy into grapevine accounts regarding most anything. God knows I'm probably The most alert in our neighborhood. My house sits up high, I've got lots of huge windows, I'm home a lot - I see things. I just try and use my powers for good and not evil, lol! I can't tell you how many times I've saved my neighbors dogs from running off - they tunnel under their fence - or stopped a car break in - and my neighbors lets me know when their houses will be empty when they go on vacation. But there is a line between Jeff "L. B." Jeffries and Gladys Cravits.
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stressed...When my mother was living in Pa. she had a female "friend" that took advantage of her too. I had a hinkey feeling about the woman from the first time I met her and it turned out my gut instinct was right. The friend started out as a paid helper who came to do some light housekeeping, shopping, and running errands for mom as I was too far away (5 hours) to take care of those things for her. The woman would never come around if me or my brother came to visit even though Mom said she was scheduled to come at a certain time. She just lived a couple doors down and when she would see either of us there , she would call Mom with an excuse of why she couldn't come. As time went on, Mom would tell me about "lending" her friend money, giving the friend her credit card for various things (which made me cringe), and small things (mostly old alcohol) missing from her house. Since Mom was still fairly with it at that point there wasn't much I could do except warn her of people who take advantage of elderly people. I did do a records search of the woman and found some past criminal history on her. However Mom had decided that the woman was the best thing since sliced bread and totally trustworthy. In the end Mom finally decided to sever ties with the woman on her own. I often wonder just how much she got Mom for beyond what Mom admitted to. That was when I decided to monitor Moms credit and banking accounts.

My point is, if neighbors had told me what was going on, I would have tried to stop this so called friendship sooner than Mom did. The neighbors knew this person for what she was and never said a word to me about it. It would have been nice to have been forewarned.
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Stacey, thank you, your so right, I have told her son and adult protection just left. We have cameras here i told them to look into it and they will be. Ver91, your right as well since she has dementia people here have really taking advantage of her, they have her buying all kinds of stuff for them. Son has been trying to get her into a place where they can monitor her, but as long as she can dress herself its kind of hard. Now as for church, we live in a bad neighbor there are a lot of druggie here and you can't trust just anyone since she has dementia she trust everyone and talks to everyone even the druggie a few of old neighbors have taken advantage of he, i just didn't know what to do so im here to hear from people. I was there when he said about the money part not trying to listen to gossip just trying to make sure she is not talking advantage of . If she didn't have Alzheimer's and dementia i wouldn't have a problem. Not trying to start anything just concerned i wouldn't want someone to do that to my mother.
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Stressed I absolutely think you did the right thing. I doubt the young man intended any harm to the Mom his interest was probably just to relieve her of as much wealth as possible. Maybe they had just been out to dinner (for which she paid) and he gave her a thank you kiss (all very innocent). She is probably lonely and enjoys the attention of this guy who is probably the age of her grand children who never bother to visit.
Now that does not mean it is right and certainly the son should know so her assets can be protected.
I hear it is very common for young men in prison to have an elderly girl friend on the outside who they write passionate letters to. I had a patient who did that regularly and sent him a few of her scant $s. She was desperate to meet him and a volunteer drove her to the prison. The volunteer said they were behaving like a young couple and she was scandalized. The relatives wanted to stop the communications but they were powerless until she moved into her sisters home at the very end and the sister simply did not give her the mail which was quite sad
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Why wouldn't you let the son hear about his mother's outings?

Actually, the answer to that question lies in the second half of your question: "am I jumping the gun here?" Because the implication of *that* is that you have already decided that the young visitor must be up to no good.

Looked as if he was kissing her - not helping her with her seat belt, or her purse?
Walked hand in hand - is it no longer ok for a gentleman to offer a lady his arm?
Has more money than she knows what to do with - and how do you know he hadn't just had to get gracefully out of being given some? Or at least given more than he thought moral to take? Why on earth would he have brought the subject up if he'd just schmoozed her out of a bundle?

You say he never has any money and works part-time. So you either know him pretty well or you're listening to gossip. What is his established reputation?

But in any case. If these outings are harmless fun for an elderly lady, they should continue - and there is no reason why everyone whose business it is shouldn't be cheerfully discussing them, as you would any other excursion. They could be *good* news!

And if the young man does have ulterior motives, and is out to take advantage, you still don't have to ram that point home to the son. Speak freely about what you've observed: to the lady, to the young man, to the lady's son. Then let him draw his own conclusions.
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Good Plan! She Is a vulnerable Senior, and just mentioning it to her Son, let's you off the hook, and gives you a clear conscious. If something tragic had happened to her, you would have felt badly! I think keeping an eye our neighbors is a good thing, if done with good intentions!
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Thank you cali and veg on helping me decide what to do, i called her son, he was so thankful for looking after his mom im so relieved
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I don't know anything about him personally, the information i gave was because I had asked the neighbor about him and that is what she said. But personally i don't know the kind of guy he is i do know hes at other neighbor house drinking everyday and thats it but that lady does not have dementia and is in right state of mind. Thank everyone for your comments.
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I was wondering the same thing as RM. You seem to have a lot of information on this individual.

"He has no money works part time, always borrows money from everyone and she well off." and "I don't know anything about this guy ...".

It's good that you watch out for your neighbors, but I can't help wondering how much of your determinations are accurate, since you "don't know anything" about him.

Call the son, then let it go. Beyond information the woman's relative, it's really not your concern. I agree with RM on this.
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For saying you "don't know anything about this guy", you seem to know quite a bit - especially regarding his finances. Part of me is inclined to say mind your own business. But the other part reasons that not saying anything could be a mistake in that you could possibly prevent a disaster from happening - after all, elderly individuals, especially those with cognative impairment are an extreamly vulnerable group of people. Perhaps mention to the son that you've noticed his mom has a gentleman caller and leave it at that. Let the son make up his own mind on whether he needs to intervene.
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Yes, mention it.
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From my perspective, I would want you to call and let me know. It may be that the son has no idea, or it could be that he is ok with it. But at least you will have made him aware. At a minimum, it appears to be a pretty sketchy situation! I would be concerned for her safety - if he is a bad person, he could certainly steal from her outright and/or harm her physically.

We have instincts and gut reactions for a reason, it's good to listen to them - when your gut is telling you "danger" you really need to pass on the message.

Good luck, I hope you are just jumping to conclusions, but I suspect this is not a good situation for her :(
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