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Not sure if this is more venting than anything else. My mother-in-law was diagnosed with ALZ about two years ago. By then, she was in financial straits and it seemed like we were uncovering one unpaid bill after another. It was also clear that she could not drive (we found multiple unexplained dents on her car) or that she could be left alone for more than a day. She lived in the same small town her entire life and her friends and our family friends insisted to us that she could not move out of town (never mind that it is a 40 minute drive for us), and so we made arrangements for her to move out of her mobile home on to a granny cottage on a family friend's property. After about a year, that wasn't working, as she was not taking her meds consistently and the small space was full of clutter and rotten food. So, about nine months ago, my husband and I (there are no other relatives) made the choice to move her to a residential care home that is 10 minutes from our home. She has her own room. Meals are taken care of and staff gives her her meds. The family that runs the home has a young boy and small dog that she loves. We also get to see her at least 3-4 times a week. She is happy, her outlook is much more positive, she gets along with her fellow residents and has visits not only from us but a couple of friends who live close by. So what's the problem? None really, but it's evident my husband and I are no longer welcome to events in the small town and judgment that we were cruel to not take her in. We are both in our early 40's and work full-time. We make sure she is healthy (as one can make her), safe, taken care of, and happy. We contribute to her care beyond what Social Security covers. I'm at peace with our choices, but it hurts me to see my husband be scolded or admonished. Any tips for dealing with judgmental folks who were once telling us that we were supported "no matter what"? Thanks for listening all, this site has been a comfort to me and my husband.

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Liked Sends advice too 😜
We're in a small town too, talk about super nosy questions! If they all thought my dad was soooo great why haven't they gone to visit? Grr!! But really glad they haven't 😉
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Great suggestions. Perhaps when there is an event in her prior town ( church, funeral, festival) she will be able to attend. The old friends and neighbors would see how well she is doing. People do move in this life. That's all she's done. Is she able to talk on the phone? Perhaps you can assist her on a few calls when you visit. She can assure her friends she is fine.  When her bd comes up perhaps you can send an invitation to a few to visit for her bd? 
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I'm thrilled you found an affordable alternative to a nursing home for mil and Shes doing well

I love send's suggestion to offer any so called friend who asks if they would like to visit her ?
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Seems to me your MIL is not only safe and well cared for, she is happy to have company. Why do people think that an elder living with family is necessarily happier? Particularly when family members are out working all day. Some people are very social and the isolation is painful (and unhealthy) for them. You did the right thing.
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Its never an easy decision. You do the best you can. I would go with, I wanted my mom to have the best care possible. As long as you continue to visit her and monitor the staff, sometimes its the best decision. My grandmother hated going but after 2 years she has adjusted and even seems happy now.
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My husband's response, then u take her in. I could never care for my Mom if I was working. Eight hours a day was enough and running my girls around. I would have no energy to care for another adult. We do what we have to.
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"She required more care than we could safely provide."

Close friends: "Let me know if you want to visit, I will ask her if I can give you her address".
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LisaNJ, you are so right. Everyone has an opinion and at some point, it became the norm to let everyone know what that opinion is. Did Social Media cause it? or just the natural evolution of mankind.

I'm a firm believer in giving people only as much information as I want them to have. If they ask a question that is clearly none of their business, I just gloss over it with a different statement altogether. I don't call them out on it or try to shame them, I just ignore it.

Tiredalready, just try to understand that these people love your mother and expected her to age in place because *that's what they want to do and what they don't want to do is be moved away from family and friends*. But their situation is not your situation. You are being admonished and shamed? So why do you put yourself in the position to be near these people? If they do it every time they see you, it wouldn't be long til they wouldn't be seeing me.

Best wishes to you and your husband. Understand that you are still caregivers, just not "hands-on". Please feel free to come here and read, reply or vent any time you want.
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Something I often add, in addition to telling that my mother is safe, happy and has a lot of pairs of eyes on her is "we wanted mom to have Professional care!"
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Everyone loves to be judgmental. The important thing is your MIL is safe, getting her medicine, and with people. People just don't understand the choices we have to make, it's never easy.
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That's a great idea! Thank you for taking the time to help me, it's appreciated.
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I would just say something like - It was a tough decision for us, but when you go visit her you will see that she is happy and healthy.

You might make some short videos on your cellphone so that you can show people that she's smiling.
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