How do I tell my Mom to back off?

What a charming mother you have! When you fall on your a** (and we ALL do from time to time), don't call Mother. Don't even tell her, until after it is all resolved. Then you might casually mention that such-and-such happened and I worked it out with a little help from so-and-so. Send her a card for Christmas. No point in burdening her with a gift she doesn't want.

You really need to distance yourself from her, it seems to me -- at least for the immediate future. And stop paying her bills. You are "mentally handicapped", remember, and so you certainly can't take responsibility for her. :) She really can't have it both ways, that you are unreliable and that she relies on you for help. Nope. Take care of yourself. Let her take care of herself. You can resolve your problems without her help, and she can deal with her own bills without your help. Fair is fair.

This sounds harsh. Sorry. Growing up often has some harsh spots. You'll survive them -- all of us did!

Elmo, she's nuts. You are not "mentally handicapped" - she is. I know I know we should not use the word "nuts" to describe untreated mental illness or personality disorder or whatever your mother has got wrong with her, but maybe I think she is not really as much mentally ill as she is oblivious and excuses all her own lapses while nailing everyone else to the wall for theirs - even if theirs are totally or at least 99% imagined. I wish you could play back to her all the truly nasty, ugly things she has said about six times in a row and then say "NOW do you know why I don't want to let you in on my finances or my life decisions, let alone move in with you?" She really thinks it is OK to say those things, which tear you down, and then just go on as if your relationship could not have been injured. She thinks she is being a mom, but moms are supposed to build up and encourage their children, not beat them up and sponge off of them. It really is sad when you have to fight the person who should be in your corner, encouraging you to be a capable adult, for the simple right to be one.

Wait a minute. You have money to pay your mother's bills and you don't have money to see a therapist? What's wrong with this picture?

Call United Way or whatever help referral organization operates in your area, They can help you find services that you can afford.

You need this.

Just say NO. Calmly, firmly, low tone "No" And when GTH comes up, say "Goodbye" and hang up. Do not engage the buttons she likes to push. Oh she will call back. Let it go to voicemail.

Stop paying your mother's bills period!

Oh now she acts like she never said that to me and wants me to still move in with her! Hell no! if she thinks I am mentally handicapped then I am sure she will try to control my life if I were to move in with her

a control freak with the vocabulary of a sailor . id like to meet her . we could slam heads till hell freezes over .

How did you get her to stop 6 months ago?

I think Pam's approach is right on target on this one. Just say NO. And stick to it.

"I'd love to get together with you in January, Mom, but not to talk about boring ol' bills. Let's go get our nails done and have a treat."

"Mom, my finances are fine. Thanks for asking. We don't need to discuss them now. ... No, Mom, I'm not going to discuss my finances with you."

Lather, rinse, repeat. You don't want to talk to Mom about your financial situation, don't. Remain calm, polite, and firm. If necessary, "I'm ending this call now Mom. Call me when you want to talk about something besides my finances." Yes, you can actually hang up on your mother and the sky won't fall.

As blannie says, a little more detail would put this question in context, but I can't think of a circumstance where simply refusing to talk about your bills wouldn't be appropriate,

I don't know why. In the beginning it was because she needed money and wanted to make sue I had enough for her needs. But now that she has a job and no longer needs my money she is still doing it. I don't know why. She has always been like this. Even when she had her own business she "helped" me pay my bills and she didn't need money then either. I have two siblings both older and she never treats them this way. I am disabled but quite capable of caring for myself. In fact after my father died, she kicked me out of the house and told me it was time to be on my own. But she still thinks she can run my life. the other day she got angry with me because I didn't tell her about my housing appointment! It's none of her damn business. It's MY life. She has always been controlling and since my dad died she has gotten worse.

she claims she trusts me but clearly NOT because then the next words out of her mouth are "You are careless with your money" How would SHE know? She is not even here to know what I spend money on or not. And it's none of her business.