Coping with elderly mother living with me. My mom lived by herself until she broke her hip almost a year ago. After the surgery for that she had another surgery and ended up with a colostomy. Her stay in hospital was 7 months and she said she was coming to live with me (daughter). It wasn't asked just assumed. I didn't want the responsibility but I figured I had to take her. I work full time and she needs assistance with bathing, her colostomy and I prepare her food she is feeble and walks very slowly with a walker. I feel overwhelmed with it all. My brother takes here every second weekend but its not enough. My husband died 5 years ago and its just me and my 2 grown children in the house. She's afraid to be alone for too long and that puts a strain on me as I feel guilty for leaving her. She has a respite worker 4 hours in the morning. I'm trying to live my life while caring for her. I feel very stressed and guilty for feeling this way. She is used to being alone which she lived for many years and liked it. So not interacting with others is ok for her so she doesn't want to join any seniors clubs. I want so desperately to put her in a nursing home for her to meet people and interact with them and have things to do but she don't want to go into one. I want to be able to live my life without the responsibility and worry of my mom. How can I talk to her about moving into a nursing home and let her know how I feel. She can see the stress I go through and she knows I'm not happy. I feel selfish but when I think about it more she seems to be the selfish one for making me do this. I love my mom but I'm still a young woman and I feel like a child and my home doesn't feel like mine anymore. I have zero privacy as she is always in my space. My mom cared for her mother for years and she told me I would never have to care for her and to put her in a home if anything happened to her. My life has changed so much since she came to live with me. I don't have the freedom I'm used to. I raised my children and now I feel like I'm raising my mother. I went through the loss of my husband and brother at the same time and I feel more stressed now than I did when they died. It just seems so unfair. Sorry for the rambling. I just need some insight into talking to her about a nursing home before I end up loosing my mind.
If you can't come to terms with moving her, then have her agree to help you modify the house so you can each have more private living areas and further that she have more in home care assistance for your sanity.
Next ensure adult children are pitching in with chores, meal prep, to give you a break. Regardless, arrange one evening out for you where you go to library , quiet bookstore, pan era, etc. to get peace and quiet for you.