How do I get started talking to Dad 87 and still independent that it would be a good idea to have power of attorney without upsetting him?

I am not sure what you are asking. Do you need to appoint a POA for your father, but are afraid the conversation will upset him? A POA is something that is done to help the person. No one really wants to be a POA, because it is extra work. An elder needs a POA to help him with either finances or healthcare decisions if he is unable to do it himself. No one wants to think that there will come a time when help is needed, but everyone needs help occasionally. If your father needs help, approach him as it is something you are doing for him, instead of something you are taking from him. Then if he becomes incapacitated for any reason, he won't have to worry about legal and medical matters.

Some conversations are just difficult to have but as adults we have to have them. And also as adults some things are difficult for us to hear but we have to hear them.

I cared for my dad too. In my home for 5 years and then he had to go into a nursing home. When I anticipated his being stubborn about something I used the argument, "Help me help you". I would tell my dad that I wanted the best for him, that I was there for him come hell or high water, but there were going to be times when I needed HIS help.

I just tried to bounce the ball back into his court, giving him control over the situation. This always worked with my dad. If your dad turns out to be more stubborn than my dad just wear him down by discussing it a lot. He has to have a POA. No POA = complete disaster. His not having a POA is not an option.

Here is what worked for me. I used my in-laws to apporach my mom by saying that my MIL asked my husband (her son) to handle POA or health care or whatever is on the agenda. 'Mom, I don't know if you have these type of arrangements, but I can see how important it is.' I can research a good attorney and if you want me to handle such matters IF you need help someday, I'd be happy to help you at that time. But the paperwork has to be done now. Don't you think we should take the first step?

No in-laws? No problem, use someone else he trusts. Actually, we should all have these types of documents so you can use yourself as an exmaple.

Boy this one is hard for me because I can't imagine why someone wouldn't have a POA at his age. I'm 63 and have already written up my POA documents. It's something that everyone should have once they hit mature adulthood.

Tell your dad you just had your own POA documents drawn up and ask about his. Act like it's a normal thing (which it should be). It's like car insurance or home insurance or health insurance. Just because you have car insurance doesn't mean you're going to need to use it immediately. It's insurance for the possibility you might need to use it. He should have POAs for both health and property. Good luck!

Thank you for all suggestions. I guess, it's just a matter of helping him when the time comes. I will approach him this way. He seems to think he is still 50 and not worried about the future. He is stubborn, moody, bossy, and difficult sometimes. It is stressing me out... But all your advise will help me be the stronger adult here and help him when the time comes.

P.S. You can also tell him that "the State/government" will take charge of his care if he doesn't have a named POA. That sends a shiver up the spine of many people...and might cause your dad to want to protect his interests from "the government". :)