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I can afford outside help. She has demetia, is 92, takes no medication, is physically healthy, very cooperative and pleasant to be around. She is incontinent. The home she is in is better than most, but her care is just not the best. I am widowed and have room for her. I work from my home and sporatically outside the home, but she has enough income to pay for care when I cannot be here or if I want to go out. I am a very capable person and I have a way with her......I am moved by spirit to make her last years happier.

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Visit her often, every day, bring her treats, rent movies to watch with her, take her for strolls.....but do not bring her home. Eventually she will NEED the home and then she will not want to go there.
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Pandora, one thing nobody has asked is how long has she been in the facility? Moving a person with dementia is very hard on them. They become increasingly disoriented which is also hard on them physically. Think this over thoroughly before you make the decision. My gut feeling is to leave her be, it sounds as if her current situation is working for her. That is the most important consideration.
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Let's get a grip on reality here. Nobody goes to a Nursing Home simply because they pee their pants. Have a long heart to heart chat with her MD as to whether a 60 year old can care for a 90 year old.
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I agree with the advice about visiting her often.. Go everyday if you want but taking her to your home will only confuse her more.

If you are at the NH to monitor her care then you'll see and hear everything..

Stay overnight at the NH for several nights and you'll realize that the professionals at the NH know what they are doing.

24/7 care if very demanding and I understand you are only 60 but she could live into her 100's and you'll also be aging.
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Yes, you are all right. She is better where she is. But believe me, Shakingoffdust, no one is going to benefit financially from my mother. She is one broke woman. And no, one does not forget decades of abuse, but my goal was to forgive and I have done that.
She is starting to have trouble swallowing and when I really think long and hard about this, she will need skilled nursing care more in the future. She is not physically ill, except for dementia, but that will start to cause more physical problems for her. So I will keep her where she is, visit often, keep my eye on her care, see if her aids were insured, communicate with the staff and try to let my mother know that I love her in spite of it all. It is not about what kind of person she was. It is about what kind of person I want to be.
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WOAH!!! Narcissism? And, by a curious coincidence, little dissatisfactions are creeping in with the NH? And now that she's not living with you she's so sweet she's a different person?

Pandoralou, I urge you to consult Emjo. Do not, in any circumstances, invite your mother over your threshold. Enjoy her all-new personality in the NH instead. God bless you for being such a loving daughter.
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It is so wonderful that Mom has changed for the better. Awesome. It may or may not be permanent. Dementia is a highly changing disease. Enjoy this new opportunity for a close relationship. Cherish this unexpected gift. And don't risk ruining it. Keep her where she is. Visit her often. Bring her to your house for holidays and an occasional weekend.

Don't move her in with you.
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Thank you everyone. I saw my mom today and she really is happy where she is. I am going to leave her there. I do visit often and I guess she is getting good care, I just get frustrated sometimes. Thanks for helping me to think it through.
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Hello,

after caregiving for both my parents 2 1/2 years, yes the answers given do point out the risks/negatives that can and do occur HOWEVER it is my humble opinion that you should follow your heart. Do it and give it your best for as long as you can. You may find it is a lifestyle change or it is a commitment that is more than you can handle. You can return her to her current situation if in time it has to go back to it. Then you will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you were open to the spirit and will make up your own mind...Just pray for the patience, courage and strength because each day will present it trials and tribulations. The love you have will be tested as you follow your heart however it sounds like you are ready to try and it may be a blessing for your mother and you to experience for a period together.. GraceofGod
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I admit, I don't know all the specifics, but as a daughter whose Mom w/dementia and NPD, I say, YES, you ARE out of your mind, AND IF YOU'RE NOT OUT OF YOUR MIND YET, YOU WILL BE AFTER SHE MOVES IN WITH YOU. And I speak the truth in love, my dear.... from the loveliest of experiences..... and from wishing only the best for anyone in this dear group of loving caregivers....
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