Taking dad out for lunch: good idea or no?

I think it’s a bad idea. Even when my Mom was in just the beginning of her dementia, we brought her to a restaurant for her birthday and it was a disaster. It was too noisy, music was too loud, she needed to use the restroom multiple times, and was rather disoriented while there and also when we got her back to her apartment. We didn’t do it again.
From then on we brought all the celebratory dinners into the nice small dining room in her building. It was so much easier on everyone. There’s probably a nice room in his facility that would be much easier for him to handle. And it would get family members who don’t regularly visit him aquatinted with his facility, and his new cognitive state, in his own surroundings. Possibly these “family members” who think a restaurant is a good idea, have no idea regarding his current behaviors.

From the tone of your post, I think *you* think this is... if not a bad idea, then certainly taking a heck of a chance, don't you?

It would not be much of a celebration for anybody if it all went horribly wrong.

Wouldn't it be safer and more careful of your father's dignity if you were to ask the facility to put aside a room (or section off part of the dining room) for the celebration and get caterers in? If the restaurant is one where your father has been going for years, perhaps they might like to help with this special occasion?

Then the family and friends could join him, and if he isn't coping well he can retreat to his room, no harm done.

I second the “ no” answer. If you went to see Dad today, he may be ok— this day. That’s the problem with dementia behaviors. Unpredictable doesn’t even begin to describe it.

My mom had dementia and was in a nursing home. My son was out of state at that time and wanted us to come visit for Thanksgiving. I arranged for one of her friends, who had invited her, to pick her up and bring her to her family's celebration, which she did more than willingly. However, sitting amongst all the noise, in a strange place with lots going on, she became very anxious. I got a call on Friday that she’d been complaining of chest pains and they’d 911-ed her to the ER. Thankfully, it was just an anxiety attack.

Truth be told, in most cases, celebrations mean more to us than to the person with dementia. They often have no idea of holidays and even their own birthday. After the incident with my mom, we made sure we attended just the small dinner the home had for residents and their families and didn’t bring her out again. Even that stressed her out.

If you want to celebrate with him, bring some food Dad likes to his room, or go to the common room in the facility. Keep the crowd down. Then, if you still feel like celebrating, go by yourselves to a restaurant.

I agree with the "No" answer. I think it would be too much for him. A couple of years ago, when my mother was still in early-ish dementia and could sit and carry on a reasonable conversation, I asked her one visit if she would like to go out. I meant for a car ride to see the fall colours. Previously she had said no, but i still tried once in a while and her meds had been changed recently. She hesitated, and then said I could try. She walked with her walker to the patio outside the front door and sat in the sun for about 5 minutes, then wanted to go back in again. She had no thought whatsoever of gong for a car ride. Outside was enough. It shocked me somewhat but was a good reality check. She is now in a wheel chair and still enjoys a trip outside in the grounds but nothing more.

It's a personal decision, but, I'd try to think of what your dad might be more comfortable with. My LO, who once loved family gatherings, became to avoid them. She didn't like all the noise, commotion, activity, etc. It confused her too. I'd try to take the party to him, keep it short and not so overwhelming. And, as others have stated, if he gets overly anxious, he can retire to this room.

You never know how he might react and it could be problematic. He could get agitated and out of control. Or, what if he refuses to get into the car to go back? How would you handle that? I'd also keep in mind that when he does return, he may be disoriented and scared. It might take awhile to get him acclimated again. I'd take that info consideration. Those things have happened with with my LO.

I am in agreement with everyone. My Mom couldn't even go to Church anymore in the beginning of her Dementia. The people and the Church itself was overwhelming. We went out to dinner regularly, she lasted about an hour and was ready to go home. From what you said, Dad has anxiety and not good to put him in this situation. Too much going on and can be very overwhelming.