Growing up in life I was always told by many these statements, (Never make a deal with family and never loan a family member money). May sound harsh to hear the truth but, that is a 100% fact to remember. I found that sometimes even attempting to help a family member in the long run ends up going sour or finger pointing.
Family relationships are just fine until families become involved with greed, money and control. Elderly's Wills & trusts play a big factor in family relationships. Caregivers go bad over greed and most elderly people use their Wills or Trusts to scam, obtain free help from family members.Sometimes it's hard to bare the truth.
I have a short story,
Two Sons named Joe , Mike and their Mother. Mike became Mother's POA and caregiver 7 yrs ago. Mike always had money and high dollar items. Joe always wondered where Mike was getting the money to buy these things. Everytime Joe went to the local casino Joe would see Mom and Mike their. Mom always had lots of money to gamble on. Joe always wondered if Mike was spending Mom's money but, He never had proof of it.
4 months ago Mike died in a car crash. Mike was Mom's POA. Since Mike died Mom has no POA. Mom came to Joe asking if Joe would take care of her. She told Joe if you take care of me, When I die you can have the house and all my money. Joe agreed to take care of Mom for two reasons,(1) If he didn't who else will! and (2) He will get it all when she dies. Greed was some factor in play. Dollar signs makes anyone see greed. So, Joe agreed to care for his Mother.
Joe became Mother's POA. Joe learned that Mike about drained Mother dry. Mother only has $20,000 and her house to her name. Joe would like to have the family house to keep in the family when Mother dies. But, that won't happen now because, Mother will need those assets for nurcing home or heathcare down the road. Mother is lieing to Joe saying that Mother has alot of money but, Joe now knows she don't. Mike & Mother gambled it all away yrs ago. Mother is using her Will to obtain Joes free help. Mother now has dementia and is very hateful to Joe. Joe doesn't feel guilty. Joe feels used. Joe feels he is now stuck taking care of his Mother without any inheritance.Some tell Joe to have the family house get put into a trust so Joe could keep the house in the family. Joe feels guilty on attempting to do that because, Mom may need to sell the house for healthcare down the road.It's the family farm that's been in the family for over 200 yrs.
Does Joe go with the thought of greed to save the farm with a trust or give it up and let a nurcing home/Medicaid have it?
Joe hopes that Mom dies at home to avoid nurcing homes.Mother still lives in her home. If Mother goes into a nurcing home bye bye to the family farm. It's not greed it's the family farm at stake. What's Joe to do?
Replace the word "loan" with the word "give." If you loan a family member money and they don't pay it back, it's a family problem. If you give it to them, there's no problem, at all. If you don't want to give it to them, then keep your money in your bank account and don't talk about it, again.
As for caring for someone in order to get something in the end, that's just a deal with the devil. Give them your time because you want to because you can never guarantee you'll get the house, money, etc... If you do it because you want to, you won't end up being used.
Look at what she gets in SS per month. If her husband was a wartime Vet, she can get another $1113 in VA Aid. Often this covers Assisted Living or in home care. EXample: $1600 in SS and $1113 from VA= $2713/month. If she draws another $300/mo off the $20K savings, it would last five years.
If Joe buys the farm at a fair market price of $200,000 over thirty years, he would pay her $556/month. She would have $3659/month for care for the first five years. And Medicaid only looks back five years. See the Attorney.
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