My mother in law has dementia. 3 years ago I told my husband something was wrong. He spoke with his sister (the favorite child) and nothing was done. This happened over and over for about 6 mths. I finally corned my sister in law and told her there was a problem and gave her some advice in what to do. For the 13 yrs I've been with my husband his family has treated me like a cute dumb girl (I'm 10 yrs younger than my husband). My MIL especially would make rude comments about me in front of everyone then say it was a joke. Since she had gotten sick I got in a bad accident (hit by an 18 wheeler). My first day off work I took her an appointment. Ever since I have listened to the family (my hubby, the daughter, who is also married and the husband, moms husband but not dad) fight. They fight over everything. My husband tries to play peacemaker, my brother in law ignores or only supports his wife . My sister in law and father in law explode on each other. I watched this for months and saw my MIL just get worse, so I just started handling it. Now almost 2.5 yrs later I'm the prime caregiver, in pain management and my father in law had a heart attack. The fighting has not stopped, in fact its worse. My sister in law shows up once every 4-6 weeks, ignores anything I've set up (elder care that comes in, food prep, doctor appointments, clothing, hygiene care) and does what ever she wants. For the day or 2 she is present (she lives in area, but still only comes by once a month or so) I've spoken to my husband. Begged him to talk to her, His mother gets worse after this craziness, her husband gets mad and I've got even more on my plate calming everyone down. Instead my husband comes back saying he's stuck in the middle between his wife, his sister and his mom's husband. Since my mother in laws husband had the heart attack this have gotten worse but I've managed both the heart attack situation and her dementia. All doctors have told me to continue on as is, they are doing good. Now I'm hearing constant phone calls from outside friends and family giving my husband "poor babies" and your doing a great job, keep it up. No body in this situation is doing anything but me! When they do try to help they ignore everything set up and I spend more time away from my family and my medical situation having to fix it.
I want to grab my kids and leave. Leave this whole family to deal with it themselves! But I know doing that will hurt the people who need it the most my mom in law and father in law. What do I do!?