Taking care of a loved one after 2 total hip replacements. Any words of wisdom? - AgingCare.com

Taking care of a loved one after 2 total hip replacements. Any words of wisdom?

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Hi everyone just checking in has anyone had to take care of someone after 2 total hip replacements? I’ve been though a lot. I’m exhausted most days, and I still work sometimes 56 hrs a week. It’s been since 2016 I’ve been taking care of him. And he was pushed into retirement. And has OCD, so bringing in help is a no. Haven’t had a vacation since 2016. I’m 60 so something’s take me longer to do, like cutting the grass, or pressure cleaning the outside, and I do all house hold chores , and pay all the bills. Just something I’m asking, how do you find time for yourself? Funny the best time I’ve had is when he went in for his second hip replacement and I had 4 whole days to myself. That was my vacation. Any words of wisdom?

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Shane1124, correct, also heavy drinking. And I asked his surgeon about it, and with his blood work it came back that of an alcoholic. So yes you can drink your hips away.
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Avascular Necrosis - the blood supply to the hips is compromised and the tissue/bone dies.
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Lassie it’s called AVN, alcohol and heavy drinking go straight to the Cartlidge destroys the hips . Mostly in men as early as 40 yrs of age, my hubby is 62. He drank heavily for 40 yrs. 18 to 24 beers a night. He started in his teens. And it caught up to him.
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How does one 'drink their hips away'? just curious.
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Yuki500: Good for starters. Alcoholism is a stubborn and inherited addiction for your husband. He needs the aide of a program like a Reformers Unanimous.
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Yuki - good on you for your steps forward - when I have issues I think of Helen Reddy's song "I AM WOMAN" but the next line is "hear me roar" - it keeps my backbone straight & upright - as you go forth listen to that inner person & sometimes 'roar' to keep you as you not what what others expect -hugs for your journey
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Thank you All for your great words if wisdom. It’s hard to change when you’ve been doing everything. Why did I stay is what everyone is asking? Well I signed a contract 40 yrs ago for better or worse. Yea I’d say I got the worse. But sometimes you find inner peace when you all of a sudden get thrown into them. Like his mother, she’s 88 yrs old, I go over her house and help out with her needs to, and she knows what her son is, and constantly reminds me , And Encourages me of what a great job I’m doing. My late father in law pretty much did the same thing to her. She understands, she gets in. She told me many times she looked at that door all the time. But you don’t leave when it gets bad, you stay and become stronger. It’s what I’ve chosen to do. As far as help, we’ll I’m going to take it one step at a time. We have been talking a lot, and I did tell him my feelings, I told him I’m in this bitterness stage, and I don’t want to end up with the 10 to 20 yrs we have left in this world angery and bitter the rest of my life. We can both work on changes or one of us is going to be sick and die old and bitter. And I suggested we go to seek counseling. He agreed. That way we don’t rip each other apart. So I’ve accomplish something. Small steps guys. I will check in with all of you’s, and thanks for showing me that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Yuki
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Get outside help immediately!!! You do need to get away from this from time to time. Once the chores outside are done....get something done for yourself outside the home. Please stop trying to do everything even if you like it. What's the point?
To hell with his whining and refusing this as he isn't assisting in anyway.
I'm so sick of people dictating who comes in to assist when they are doing absolutely nothing!
Be strong. Hire someone now!!
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Wow Yuki...as I read through some of your subsequent posts, your relationship does show a lot of dysfunction. But that’s not uncommon when there is alcoholism involved. I have to ask why you stay in this marriage. It sounds as though there really isn’t a relationship as you describe it and a lot of buried resentments on both sides. Is this really the life you look forward to as you age? It is not going to get better. Al anon and therapy would be helpful fo insight. Good luck.
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Yuki I hope you take some of the suggestions offered here and apply them to taking care of you. You sound like a loving, caring spouse that feels, & rightfully so, that the entire burden of life is on you as your “partner” has checked out & isn’t smart enough to appreciate the good woman he has.
While you say you like to do “everything” as you feel no one can do the job as well as you, please consider stepping back. If hubby goes to the gym 3x/week he is no invalid but due to his chronic alcoholism has developed the “poor me” syndrome. Now he is dragging you down due the bad decisions he made his entire life.
Stop enabling him or he will never even think of changing his routine which consists of you single handedly running the household. Why should he change?
I too see your post as a cry for help. It’s ok to feel that way,Yuki. You have needs too that unfortunately aren’t being met because your husband is too selfish and wrapped in the “martyr syndrome” to recognize your needs.
I think you don’t get any positive feedback from your partner and thus try to compensate by doing more in the hope that he will appreciate you more.
Don’t do all this physical work- you will eventually suffer by wearing your body and mind out. You think you can do it all now but eventually you will crash and burn. Don’t let him win again. Again you sound like a good person with a big heart. Your husband may be taking advantage of you.
I wish you the best. Find your inner strength and fight the dragon - you can do it.
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