The NH says that if we take my Mom out of there, then we are responsible for her and what happens to her. Any advice?

I shudder when I hear other people or family members call another one with "POA" cold hearted. It is not cold hearted to make the hard decisions regarding what's best for the loved one. One must look at what's best for the loved one's care and health, despite all the emotions. Emotional decisions rarely turn out to be good. It is difficult to be a caregiver. At first one feels like they will come in all happy and save the day, and then reality sets in. Please listen to the rehab facility, they do this work everyday.

Your sister is making a difficult decision. Mom cannot function at home alone, it won't be safe, she can't cook a meal, shower or vacuum, carry laundry. Get up tomorrow and try to make your coffee and cereal while hanging on to a walker. Try to see the reality of this situation. Take her home and she will be crying even louder in despair.
As for the funding, if Mom was married to a wartime veteran, they will help pay for her care through VA Aid and Attendance. Check va.gov for info.

We took both MIL and FIL out of the nursing home, and brought them to live with us at our home. MIL was finished with her skilled days (rehab) in the NH, FIL was voluntarily in NH to be in there with MIL (and that there was nobody near who was willing to care for them). So, yes, we are responsible for them and what happens to them, just as we were responsible for our children. We set up our downstairs apartment for them with grip bars in the walk-in shower, shower seat, grip rails around the bedroom, raised toilet seat, call button system in every room, and exit door alerts. We made sure the apartment was wheelchair friendly and fall-friendly. When either of them need us, MIL uses the call button and we go downstairs to take care of whatever is needed. At first, FIL kept asking when they were going home....over and over. He coulen't grasp the context that he was going to be living out the rest of his life at our house due to dementia/ALZ. MIL kept telling him that they WERE home, this was their home now, and they couldn't go home because they could no longer walk, be safe, or take care of themselves. It was heartbreaking, they built their home from the basement up, back in 1950. FIL was a great fall risk, had ALZ and wandered at night, fell frequently, lost all ability to toilet himself or control his bowels, and could no longer speak. He stopped eating and became very weak, could no longer speak, wouldn't eat, and couldn't stand to walk. We had to place him back into a nursing home. MIL is still at our house. So yes, you definately are responsible for them while in your care. But, you do the best that you can do with what you have and make the home as safe as possible for her. If you don't have siblings that help, you may be on your own, but try to get them to provide at least some respite care for you. If your mother wants to go home, your only option would be to move in with her and take care of her. If that's not possible, she will have to live with you if she has no funds for a NH or does not qualify for Medicaid and does not have long term care insurance. It's a hard row to sew, but you will just have to make your mother understand that your house is the best place for her. If she needs to be in a NH because you are unable financially to cover her needs (along with Medicare), then yes, her home may have to be sold to pay for her NH care. And, it's heartbreaking and heartwrenching to work so hard to pay a home off....but in the end, if she has to go to a NH and/or needs care that you can't financially provide, the home is just collateral for a NH if it's necessary. I am so sorry you are going through this, from one caregiver to another I understand it's a huge undertaking. MIL came to our home knowing that we could provide the best care for her, and that she wouldn't ever be going back home unless it was to visit. She can no longer walk. We continuously remind her that our home IS her home. Hugs to you.

If you take her home against medical advice the insurance won't pay for her rehab.

I know how difficult it is to watch your mom cry that she wants to go home. Be there for her, comfort her. Talk to the social worker at the rehab about how you're feeling. I think almost every adult child in your situation goes through what you are going through. I did.

And like someone said, there is in-home help but it's expensive. If your mom can afford it that might be an option for her. But I've never seen any elderly person bounce all the way back from a broken hip. Your mom might need around-the-clock care/supervision.

Again, I'm so sorry that you're going through this.

Please read all of the discussions, etc. about taking care of your parent at home. It is a complete lifestyle change for the family and needs to discussed as a family (all siblings) before the decision is made. Best of luck!

If one of you is considering taking Mom into your home, it is even more critical that Mom first complete her rehab and regain as much strength and functionality as she possibly can before leaving. She is going to need that whatever comes next and I think it is a serious mistake to sign her out against medical advice now.

Regarding having a "touch of dementia" -- that is a lot like being "a little bit pregnant." There may only be slight visible signs right now, but dementia progresses and those slight signs grow and become obvious and require more and more care.

In addition to discussing her rehabilitation from the broken hip with the rehab facility and Ziggie urges you, I also suggest talking about the dementia with a suitable professional. Try to get a handle on what you can expect.

My mother currently is in a nursing home with a broken hip and increasing signs of dementia. My heart goes out to your entire family! This is heart breaking. Try to set your own emotional response aside and think through what will be best for Mother.

Has your mother completed the rehab?

If they are saying you are responsible for what happens to her then I would imagine they are also saying she cannot live alone without 24/7 care. If she is not improving and you take her out against medical advice - then you are responsible for her. This is what we were told regarding my aunt. I realize this is so very difficult and sad for your mother to accept. But, if she cannot take care of herself; she is going to require care. And homecare is expensive.

My heart goes out to you as this is so emotional for all involved. Unfortunately, there are no other options if money has run out. Unless she goes to live with one of her children; arrangements have to be made for her care.

If one of us lets her live with us, is that OK!