Follow
Share

mom was put in there for rehab, for a broken hip, she has a touch of dementia can only walk with a walker my sister is P.O.A. and they have depleted all her savings,
the next step is to sell her home, she says her home is paid for and cries profusely that she worked all her life, and she wants to die at home, its hard to see my mother this upset, my sister that is P.O.A. is cold hearten and is cut and dry no!

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
In some states they do Not sell anyone's home - but you have to find an ALF or nursing home that will accept whatever she makes plus whatever Medicaid pays. And some are not that nice. Now if you have family to help, you can each contribute extra and put in a nice place or get Medicaid to pay the Daycare, put someone in her home with her or rent her home out (if you sell it the lump sum will Kill her Medicaid) there are a few ways to go to afford it and make it more to her liking. If you get a Small Home type ALF that Also does Daycare, even if they don't have an open Bed at first, you get her Used to it, she makes friends and there will be Someone in that place She can Help, and she will like it, and then after she's Happy and feels Safe, you say, why not just move in now, as that time approaches. You will see if she's in the right place during the day, she will be easier to take care of at night, but they can't let her sleep all day.
Give her coconut oil, milk, water, coconut products. We make a cereal with coconut milk and water and oil, Quinoa, Steel-cut oats and brown rice (organic if possible) and dried fruit (raisins/craisins/prunes/apricots,coconut) nuts, vanilla, cinnamon and fresh apples just core and chop, don't peel, and put in last so they're not mushed... Delicious, fiber, protein, comforting, and healthy for her heart like nothing else. Give tryptophan and melatonin, chamomile, valerian for sleeping - there's a great blend called Alteril, and melatonin is at my Dollar store believe it or not. Keep engaged during the day, Exercise is vital and Sunshine to avoid sundowning, keep their clock better... Vitamin D, B-12, let's see, I know there is more, oh, NO Statins for Cholesterol, they rot the brain way fast... Let's face it they're in their 80's - I feed them whole grain breads only, lots of veggies and fruits, healthy snacks like fruit with cottage cheese or yogurt, dip apple wedges in peanut butter, make popsicles from Boost/Ensure, etc... Don't feed a sugar monster - Alzheimer's is getting known as Diabetes type 3.
Hydration could Not be More important - Nobody drinks enough, but especially the elderly, being embarrassed about incontinence and they get a UTI and are more than usually confused and it's chronic. They don't feel thirst like we do.
Music, especially Hemi-sync you will find on Youtube it's music to sync the brain to sleep waves, and it Works to wake refreshed. Just Try it on Yourself!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Questions needing answered include, Does she Need a Nursing Home? Maybe she will be ok with Assisted Living - or even with Daycare, you get to work and do what you need to, and she goes home at night to be with family or someone you get to stay with her who gets housing in exchange for evening care, getting her up in the morning and off to daycare, if you don't have family able to do that...
In FL we have a transportation for seniors called TOPS and they take anyone with Medicare one way within the county for $3.50. Wheelchair lift and all, for necessary transport which includes adult daycare, doctor offices, organized activities for the elderly at community/senior center, etc.
Those are all options that don't take her Away from her home, but Do provide safe haven for mom.
Perhaps a nursing student is in school &/or working part-time, and can be in the home with mom in the evening or a Retired nurse, or one that's working maybe 3 days 12 hours, as some do now.... S/he would have time and skills to care for mom at home - or a C.N.A or home health aide - even just a lady who is compassionate with her and has a day job but barely getting by, would be fine without rent and utilities to pay, and the house expense (taxes, insurance, maintenance, utilities) go on regardless if you keep the house...
I keep the house of a Resident going because the children of the depression are really not keen on "losing their home" and it's a great sense of pride and safety that they Have that home... So I pay taxes and insurance and rent it for the amount he Can Get to Not mess up his Medicaid. Not worth it to have the headache and responsibility for the couple hundred a month it makes up for his short income - but he's family now after nearly 5 years, so I do it for Tony... He knows he can't live there, and he lost his ladyfriend he wanted to "leave it to" so now I'm all the "family" Tony has around here...
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Carol, if your home is totally handicap accessible and all on one floor and you have enough medical background, it is possible to take her in BUT she will still complain about wanting to go home. If you decide to just roll her out the door and take her home, you may very well find Adult Protective Services on your doorstep. You may need anxiety meds to get the whole picture here without going to pieces. Please see your MD and talk about the situation.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Finish rehab, it is important medically and financially. Insurance does not have to pay if you leave against medical orders, and God forbid she falls as a result.
Secondly, think very seriously about the comittment to care for mom at home, particularly is she has a tendency to be non compliant with doctors orders. This is only the beginning, it gets nmore challenging
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

We took both MIL and FIL out of the nursing home, and brought them to live with us at our home. MIL was finished with her skilled days (rehab) in the NH, FIL was voluntarily in NH to be in there with MIL (and that there was nobody near who was willing to care for them). So, yes, we are responsible for them and what happens to them, just as we were responsible for our children. We set up our downstairs apartment for them with grip bars in the walk-in shower, shower seat, grip rails around the bedroom, raised toilet seat, call button system in every room, and exit door alerts. We made sure the apartment was wheelchair friendly and fall-friendly. When either of them need us, MIL uses the call button and we go downstairs to take care of whatever is needed. At first, FIL kept asking when they were going home....over and over. He coulen't grasp the context that he was going to be living out the rest of his life at our house due to dementia/ALZ. MIL kept telling him that they WERE home, this was their home now, and they couldn't go home because they could no longer walk, be safe, or take care of themselves. It was heartbreaking, they built their home from the basement up, back in 1950. FIL was a great fall risk, had ALZ and wandered at night, fell frequently, lost all ability to toilet himself or control his bowels, and could no longer speak. He stopped eating and became very weak, could no longer speak, wouldn't eat, and couldn't stand to walk. We had to place him back into a nursing home. MIL is still at our house. So yes, you definately are responsible for them while in your care. But, you do the best that you can do with what you have and make the home as safe as possible for her. If you don't have siblings that help, you may be on your own, but try to get them to provide at least some respite care for you. If your mother wants to go home, your only option would be to move in with her and take care of her. If that's not possible, she will have to live with you if she has no funds for a NH or does not qualify for Medicaid and does not have long term care insurance. It's a hard row to sew, but you will just have to make your mother understand that your house is the best place for her. If she needs to be in a NH because you are unable financially to cover her needs (along with Medicare), then yes, her home may have to be sold to pay for her NH care. And, it's heartbreaking and heartwrenching to work so hard to pay a home off....but in the end, if she has to go to a NH and/or needs care that you can't financially provide, the home is just collateral for a NH if it's necessary. I am so sorry you are going through this, from one caregiver to another I understand it's a huge undertaking. MIL came to our home knowing that we could provide the best care for her, and that she wouldn't ever be going back home unless it was to visit. She can no longer walk. We continuously remind her that our home IS her home. Hugs to you.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Regarding having a "touch of dementia" -- that is a lot like being "a little bit pregnant." There may only be slight visible signs right now, but dementia progresses and those slight signs grow and become obvious and require more and more care.

In addition to discussing her rehabilitation from the broken hip with the rehab facility and Ziggie urges you, I also suggest talking about the dementia with a suitable professional. Try to get a handle on what you can expect.

My mother currently is in a nursing home with a broken hip and increasing signs of dementia. My heart goes out to your entire family! This is heart breaking. Try to set your own emotional response aside and think through what will be best for Mother.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

If one of you is considering taking Mom into your home, it is even more critical that Mom first complete her rehab and regain as much strength and functionality as she possibly can before leaving. She is going to need that whatever comes next and I think it is a serious mistake to sign her out against medical advice now.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I shudder when I hear other people or family members call another one with "POA" cold hearted. It is not cold hearted to make the hard decisions regarding what's best for the loved one. One must look at what's best for the loved one's care and health, despite all the emotions. Emotional decisions rarely turn out to be good. It is difficult to be a caregiver. At first one feels like they will come in all happy and save the day, and then reality sets in. Please listen to the rehab facility, they do this work everyday.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Please read all of the discussions, etc. about taking care of your parent at home. It is a complete lifestyle change for the family and needs to discussed as a family (all siblings) before the decision is made. Best of luck!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

If one of us lets her live with us, is that OK!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

If you take her home against medical advice the insurance won't pay for her rehab.

I know how difficult it is to watch your mom cry that she wants to go home. Be there for her, comfort her. Talk to the social worker at the rehab about how you're feeling. I think almost every adult child in your situation goes through what you are going through. I did.

And like someone said, there is in-home help but it's expensive. If your mom can afford it that might be an option for her. But I've never seen any elderly person bounce all the way back from a broken hip. Your mom might need around-the-clock care/supervision.

Again, I'm so sorry that you're going through this.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

If they are saying you are responsible for what happens to her then I would imagine they are also saying she cannot live alone without 24/7 care. If she is not improving and you take her out against medical advice - then you are responsible for her. This is what we were told regarding my aunt. I realize this is so very difficult and sad for your mother to accept. But, if she cannot take care of herself; she is going to require care. And homecare is expensive.

My heart goes out to you as this is so emotional for all involved. Unfortunately, there are no other options if money has run out. Unless she goes to live with one of her children; arrangements have to be made for her care.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Your sister is making a difficult decision. Mom cannot function at home alone, it won't be safe, she can't cook a meal, shower or vacuum, carry laundry. Get up tomorrow and try to make your coffee and cereal while hanging on to a walker. Try to see the reality of this situation. Take her home and she will be crying even louder in despair.
As for the funding, if Mom was married to a wartime veteran, they will help pay for her care through VA Aid and Attendance. Check va.gov for info.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Has your mother completed the rehab?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.