My 60 yr old husband I just found out is 3,ooo behind in our rent.He has some deliquent checks out and has some quick cah loans for 1300. I am frustrated that he has gotten behind with the irs and just finished a payment schedule for that and now I find out this! He will not give me his paycheck and is only now opening up slightly. How can I simply his life if he won't make good decisions?
I also called anyone that would ever send my mother-in-law a bill and had that address changed to mine. Now all she gets is personal mail and of course junk mail(can't be helped) but she doesn't have to worry about the bills anymore. She'll ask me every so often how she's doing with money. I used to give her a detailed accounting, but she'd forget it 5 minutes later and ask again, so now I just tell her 'well you can't go out and buy a new Mercedes, but you're doing fine'. That's all she cared about anyhow, to know she is okay financially.
Your husband needs to make a trip to the bank, and any other financial entities, with his POA document to get on record at the bank as the POA on each account. One should always sign "for, parents' name" by "the POA person's name" when signing checks so the institution knows what's going on.
My father in law has alzheimers my hubby has poa a few months ago, since my father in law got bad my hubby signed several checks to pay his fathers expenses. The bank called and said the signatures do not match and they suspect fraud. They are going to investigate and his acct was frozen. We can not pay his medical and one of his rental homes are in foreclosure because there is no access. What do we do
It is worth it. It is not fun, taking control of someone else's life. In fact, it not only feels "foreign," but downright creepy; unnatural. That's a good sign, because it is a delicate issue, not to be taken lightly. Tread carefully. We're talking power, control, and loss. They lose, and it must be humiliating.
My Dad lost control of his ability to keep all the plates spinning, and started getting into trouble. The bank actually alerted me, and asked me to "start coming to appointments with him." Thank God! Otherwise, the creditors would have taken everything. He was starting to miss things, get shut off notices, and not pay bills...some forever. The phone got turned off, and I had to drive 200 miles to find out why. Freightening! So, if there are problems, the time may be now.
It also depends upon what stage Alzheimer's they are in. Move cautiously, and respectfully. I was a take-no-prisoners, firstborn, which wasn't the best approach for someone who is becoming confused. Poke around, and get a feel for things. Try talking to your Dad, first, if you can. Then when you have to, do what is necessary to do what has to be done. Follow common sense, and trust your instincts. You'll know when it's time to take over everything.
hockeymom: I would find out if you were are a co-applicant at the time the credit card was issued. (doubt it, if you did not sign anything.) If so, you may want to change to "signing" status. Call the company - since you are on the card you can ask about the status.
(btw, I don't remember things being this complex when I was younger and my mother was taking care of my grandmother!)
So far I am able to sit w/ my mom & make out her bills. She is starting to forget that we've already paid things and wants to pay them again. I am thinking it won't be long before I will need to intercept all mail & pay things myself. I am on her checking account, and she put my name on her credit card-does that make me responsible for these?
My father-in-law used to do all the financial stuff, mother-in-law would just hand over her check and if she wanted money he would give it to her. Then he got sick and 6 months later died, she wanted me #3 daughter-in-law to take over when he originally got sick. I was available at the time, so I did. I started with POA at the bank so I could sign checks. Now I have all her bills sent directly to me and the only thing that comes to her at the asst. living place is either junk mail or personal mail from grandkids etc. I DO have safe guards in place though. At first I made sure #2 son was also POA on her account. Then we put all three boys on her account but I'm still the POA. In the event of her death, I no longer have any responsibilities, they do. Which I like fine. I also have her account accessible online to which ever of her sons wants to check on it. I gave them the passwords etc. I do all the banking, but it's an open book so to speak. It's working out fine, I don't expect any issues in the future either.
My mother took care of all her finances for many years...I am very proud of her for that. But lately, it has become a bit overwhelming. I too was a little leery of becoming her "accountant" but I have found a way to do it.
1.Never sign on a bank account unless you have "signing" privileges. Your father's account remains in his name and is not connected to you financially. He has simply given you permission to create and sign checks. Write notes about each payment in his check register (i.e., doctor, dentist, pharmacy....) 2. Online banking saves my life! I can see all her accounts, checks paid, and most importantly, I can pay bills on line. This way I have a record of all transactions. (as romer mentioned above, DOCUMENT everything. If you pay for something in cash save all receipts...I have an envelope for each year. If you need a receipt for a return, etc. you have it. If family members wonder about "finances" you have proof of every purchase.) 3. I have as many bills as possible sent directly to my email account. Again, I have a record and it reminds me when the bills need to be paid. Basically, Mom only receives 3 bills mailed directly to her home. 4. Mom opened a credit card account with a small limit. When I have to buy things for her online, I use her card. (again, you would be a "signer" not financially responsible for the account) 5. Mom has some "small change" around the house. She really does not need much because I do all her shopping and bill paying.
Any good accountant will tell you to not mix your financial transactions with your father's. As far as getting the sibs involved...I guess it is good to inform them that you need to take over the accounts, but too many hands trying to take care of weekly finances becomes too cumbersome. You have PoA for a reason, take charge and don't worry about the fam., they will always have an "opinion." I know that it is just one more job to add to the mix, but a very important one. Good luck Lilli
These heart-felt experiences emphasize the need for families to come together and make a plan for long-term care. There are guides available as well as elder accountants that can help all in volved. It should never be done without siblings even if one has the POA. This plan can help ease the transition for the parents as well as the POA. If this has not been done, it is still possible to work with an elder accountant to help make a plan for handling the finanaces. Some elder accountants are expensive but it is possible that certain states may offer this help through the agency on aging. Reina
I too am lost. I am my mothers POA. We used to go over her bills each month, I`d write the checks, she would sign them and I`d put them in the mail. Then came the time where she did not want to pay them anymore so she quit showing them to me and her utilities would get turned off so I start having the bills mailed to me. Then tired of the conflict, I started just signing the checks myself. THEN she had someone take her to the bank and closed out her account. Her docter told me "You have to take charge" How do you do that when she hides her money, loses it, and tells everyone that I am trying to steal it from her. Yes, I am lost too not to mention hurt, heartbroken, worried, etc.
It would be wise to start now. Do you have siblings? Be sure to gather them around and keep them informed even if you are POA. Document, document, document!
Start now. I took the checkbook and bills away. I don't give mom the bank records since she does not understand them anyway. Mom thinks that we should be paying .25 a gallon for gas and that a car should be no more than 5,000.00. She just does not get it. It is so much easier. I am in charge of the trust and put passwords on everything. If you are asking the question "when" then the answer has been made for you. NOW
My Dad lost control of his ability to keep all the plates spinning, and started getting into trouble. The bank actually alerted me, and asked me to "start coming to appointments with him." Thank God! Otherwise, the creditors would have taken everything. He was starting to miss things, get shut off notices, and not pay bills...some forever. The phone got turned off, and I had to drive 200 miles to find out why. Freightening! So, if there are problems, the time may be now.
It also depends upon what stage Alzheimer's they are in. Move cautiously, and respectfully. I was a take-no-prisoners, firstborn, which wasn't the best approach for someone who is becoming confused. Poke around, and get a feel for things. Try talking to your Dad, first, if you can. Then when you have to, do what is necessary to do what has to be done. Follow common sense, and trust your instincts. You'll know when it's time to take over everything.
(btw, I don't remember things being this complex when I was younger and my mother was taking care of my grandmother!)
1.Never sign on a bank account unless you have "signing" privileges. Your father's account remains in his name and is not connected to you financially. He has simply given you permission to create and sign checks. Write notes about each payment in his check register (i.e., doctor, dentist, pharmacy....)
2. Online banking saves my life! I can see all her accounts, checks paid, and most importantly, I can pay bills on line. This way I have a record of all transactions. (as romer mentioned above, DOCUMENT everything. If you pay for something in cash save all receipts...I have an envelope for each year. If you need a receipt for a return, etc. you have it. If family members wonder about "finances" you have proof of every purchase.)
3. I have as many bills as possible sent directly to my email account. Again, I have a record and it reminds me when the bills need to be paid. Basically, Mom only receives 3 bills mailed directly to her home.
4. Mom opened a credit card account with a small limit. When I have to buy things for her online, I use her card. (again, you would be a "signer" not financially responsible for the account)
5. Mom has some "small change" around the house. She really does not need much because I do all her shopping and bill paying.
Any good accountant will tell you to not mix your financial transactions with your father's. As far as getting the sibs involved...I guess it is good to inform them that you need to take over the accounts, but too many hands trying to take care of weekly finances becomes too cumbersome. You have PoA for a reason, take charge and don't worry about the fam., they will always have an "opinion."
I know that it is just one more job to add to the mix, but a very important one.
Good luck
Lilli
Reina
How do you do that when she hides her money, loses it, and tells everyone that I am trying to steal it from her. Yes, I am lost too not to mention hurt, heartbroken, worried, etc.