It sounds to me as though you need outside help. I don't know what your mother's health issues are, but at 96, her health is likely challenging.
You and your husband need to take care of yourselves, so you may want to start looking at nursing homes. Most of them, these days, are far better than in the past. They aren't perfect, but there are some very good ones. You'd still be part of the care team, but you wouldn't have all of the responsiblity. Take care of yourselves, too. Carol
You should consider Home Health Care for your mom at home and yourself and spouse. You can also look at Assisted Living options if your mother does not yet need Nursing Home level of care. Many Assisted Living facilities like mine, Amerisist of Warrenton, also offer Respite care. With Respite care you can take your mother to stay for the weekend or a week to see if you and she are able to adjust to this level of care. Sometimes you may just need a break that Respite care can provide. This site has some wonderful leads on Assisted Living Facilities in your area. As Carol mentioned, take care of yourselves too. Sue
You and your husband need to take care of yourselves, so you may want to start looking at nursing homes. Most of them, these days, are far better than in the past. They aren't perfect, but there are some very good ones. You'd still be part of the care team, but you wouldn't have all of the responsiblity.
Take care of yourselves, too.
Carol
Sue