mother is staying in the bed most of the time now do to dizzy spells, she is also a dialyis paient. they want to put her in a nursing home but she dose not want to go. I have no idea how to care for her but Im willing to try.
Do you have children still at home? How do they feel about this big change in lifestyle? Do you have sisters, brothers other family promising to help? They will for awhile but be prepared to go this completely alone. How is your health?
It was the most physically and emotionally draining 3 years of my life. You might be wise to read through several areas of this board to just get a feel for what others have experienced. Once you commit it is very difficult to move your loved one to a professional facility. Best wishes.
Nope kiddo, don't do it. You won't last a week. Just the way you ask, you are not sure. You have to be sure, determined, unwavering and unafraid of the unknown.
Kathy, your profile states that your mother is in hospital - is that where she currently is? Are you wanting advice on agreeing a discharge plan for her?
My mom would be gone if she wasn't in a nh. Her bp and other vitals are taken several times daily. If she has a physical problem, there is a nurse practitioner who sees her. Who calls the MD if it's something serious. The podiatrist sees her, she has pt and ot working on getting her up and walking. The wound care doc comes by to check any skin tears or suspicious sores. My grandma, my mom's mom, died of gangrene. Not a great way to go. All because of poor circulation, lack of good podiatry ( my aunt "did" her feet) and the fact that my mom and aunt thought that they were doing the right thing.
If she is dizzy, her docs need to know- "taking to bed" is a harbringer of dying for all the reasons everyone else has posted. Plan a visit to the dcotor where you can go with her - if she can go, she might just say "Oh, I'm fine." It may well be she needs something treated, or at least some change to amounts of fluid or electrolytes in dialysis, and then a push to get herself up and out of bed. Actually just staying in bed too much can cause you to lose the ability to tolerate being upright; it's called orthostatic hypotension.
You might do as well or better than a nursing home - you might not be able to do it for long if Mom is difficult and demanding - a lot of things go into deciding whether to try home care versus starting to look for a good facility, either temporary as a sub-acute rehab stay, or long term.
There are many factors to consider, but I would research and figure out what the options are. You should do what you feel is best. Sometimes family members are not equipped to handle a loved one at home.
You said your mom stays in bed for fear of getting dizzy and falling. What if she stayed in a wheelchair, but got up and out of her room during the day? This might make her happier and help with her circulation.
Does your mom have dementia? I have noticed in Dementia units that I have visited, that even the patients who are not able to sit unassisted are gotten up in the morning and put into wheel chairs that provide support of their bodies. I guess this is a good thing. I'm not a medical expert, so I don't know if there would be a benefit for her to stay in bed all the time, unless she is on Hospice.
If a patient is bed-bound, I'd say a nursing home provides better/safer care. Sans that, it's whatever a patient wants -- and whatever a caretaker is willing to do.
For the last week or ten days of her life, mom was bed-bound. I can tell you that this strong, scrappy 5'8" gal was at the end of her rope by the time she passed. Mom weighed 100 pounds. I was just about ready to throw in the towel when I realized "this was it" -- she was dying.
In just a week, her heels hurt her from being in bed just THAT long. Pulling the sheets/diapers out from under her (until I got better at it) ran the risk of ripping her parchment-like skin open. Taking care of seniors at home isn't for sissies, I'll tell you THAT much.
Bed-bound and long-term? I'd say it's darned near impossible.
Next time you go to a nursing home, look around. Not one of those people "wants to be there" -- nobody does. But sometimes? It's the best and safest thing we can do for the person we love.
kathyedale, you asked "Can I take care of my Mom at home as well as a nursing home?"
You would need to clone yourself twice as you would be doing the work of 3 Caregivers each and every day. And you would need to set up your home as though it was a nursing home. If you are doing this alone, then everything you need, like groceries, household goods, meds, will need to be home delivered.
In a nursing home, the Caregiver works one 8 hour shift and goes home, gets rested, and is ready for the next day. Plus they get vacation days and sick days. They know CPR, they know how to take blood pressure readings, they know all the tricks on how to get a patient out of bed to use the rest room or how to use a bed pan.... they know all the tricks for getting a patient to eat or to take their pills. And these are "young" Caregivers, who have the patience and the energy.
So I stress, think this all the way through, and read some other forums on this website about caring for one at home. Recently one of our regular writers here had a heart attack, she is doing ok now but the stress become overwhelming, even thought she thought she could handle everything.
That is the biggest accomplishment. The greatest gift you can give, letting her call the shots, giving her control over her life, and environment. It is an intangible happiness that is never taken in consideration when making this decision. Plus it makes caregiving so much easier, doing what she wants no matter how unsafe you believe it to be. If your mother prizes automony over safety, then do it. To those people who prize automony, my Dad is one, putting her in a nursing home is cruel. She is a grown woman, let her have that dignity
i think kathy1 said it best . even whats best for your mothers health isnt as important as doing what she wants , imo . my mom passed away a year ago and she did it entirely on her terms and at her home . she remained in control of her environment until we had to start the morphine the last few hours of her life . aunt edna is in nh and medically better cared for but has no control over anything . i think if you and your mother want to try in your home care you should do it . you can educate yourself online as you go . if mom becomes impossible to care for at home just explain to her that nh is the form of hospitalization that the us govt affords and she needs hospitalization . in hindsight my biggest accomplishment in caring for mom was not letting ANYONE take control away from her . she wasnt a child , she was a genius with dementia and several medical complications related to old age / disease .
Hearing you say that you have no idea how to care for her, tells me a lot. Personally, it sounds cruel not to let your mom have the care that a NH can give. What will you do in an emergency? What happens if you get pneumonia or stomach flu? What is your mom outlives you? My mother is 95 and thriving under NH care. My MIL is 91 and is in ass't living. Things aren't perfect, but I am 60. I could not take care of two 90 YOs.
I don't mean to be cruel, but hard facts must influence your decision. What is your Mom's life expectancy? Will she go off dialysis, and enter hospice? What are your financial resources to hire help, if she stays on dialysis?
If the life expectancy is less than 6 months, you could do it with at the very least an 4 hour a day paid caregiver so you can get sleep and do errands, or a family member helping. Caregiver burnout will be a huge problem. This can be managed.
One of the signs you are entering the dying stage is staying in bed all day. Call your Mom's Dr and get a referral to hospice. See what they advise.
Know you will be going through the grief process, the whole time. You will cycle through all 5 stages many times, can you handle that and still give care? Many people can't. There is no shame in acknowledging your limits.
I take care of my 93 year old Dad who has Parkinson's. It has been the most frustrating, rewarding, physical and mentaly challenging job I have ever done being a 24/7/365. The truth is as tired, as isolated, and as sad as I am; I feel like I am doing God's work, and I am not even religious. I have grown in compassion, intelligence, and strength, hell i know I can achieve anything now. I am happy, and Dad has a life.
I say do it, take care of her at home, but have the hard talk with your Mom as to how she wants to die. You will be a team, she must sacrifice too. If you try and can't do it, then you will know in your heart you gave it your all. If she is placed in a nursing home, have no shame, guilt, or regrets. Know that in some ways you will have a harder job as a nursing home caregiver. You will be dealing with many people to get your Mom good care, and many runs to the emergency room with all the grief and panic that instills. The more informed you are, the easier your job. Good luck we are here for you.
No one wants to go into a nursing home but sometimes it's necessary.
How do you get your mom up and to dialysis?
Taking care of someone who is bed bound is next to impossible. And someone who has to live their life in bed is vulnerable to many health issues like pneumonia, skin breakdown, and an exacerbation of whatever other health issues she already has.
If you keep your mom at home you're going to have to learn how to change her while she's in bed. YouTube has tutorials on how to do this. You will also have to learn how to change her bedding while she's in bed. It's a pain in the neck but it's doable.
You'll have to get a hospital bed so she can sit up to eat and drink and that has rails in case she gets it into her mind to get up one night to use the bathroom.
These are just a few issues you'll face trying to take care of your bed bound mom. You are liable to burn out quickly so it might not be a bad idea to have some options for when you get to the point where you just can't do it anymore. Tour a few facilities, have some connections to people who can help you place her if/when it comes to that.
It was the most physically and emotionally draining 3 years of my life. You might be wise to read through several areas of this board to just get a feel for what others have experienced. Once you commit it is very difficult to move your loved one to a professional facility. Best wishes.
You might do as well or better than a nursing home - you might not be able to do it for long if Mom is difficult and demanding - a lot of things go into deciding whether to try home care versus starting to look for a good facility, either temporary as a sub-acute rehab stay, or long term.
You said your mom stays in bed for fear of getting dizzy and falling. What if she stayed in a wheelchair, but got up and out of her room during the day? This might make her happier and help with her circulation.
Does your mom have dementia? I have noticed in Dementia units that I have visited, that even the patients who are not able to sit unassisted are gotten up in the morning and put into wheel chairs that provide support of their bodies. I guess this is a good thing. I'm not a medical expert, so I don't know if there would be a benefit for her to stay in bed all the time, unless she is on Hospice.
For the last week or ten days of her life, mom was bed-bound. I can tell you that this strong, scrappy 5'8" gal was at the end of her rope by the time she passed. Mom weighed 100 pounds. I was just about ready to throw in the towel when I realized "this was it" -- she was dying.
In just a week, her heels hurt her from being in bed just THAT long. Pulling the sheets/diapers out from under her (until I got better at it) ran the risk of ripping her parchment-like skin open. Taking care of seniors at home isn't for sissies, I'll tell you THAT much.
Bed-bound and long-term? I'd say it's darned near impossible.
Next time you go to a nursing home, look around. Not one of those people "wants to be there" -- nobody does. But sometimes? It's the best and safest thing we can do for the person we love.
You would need to clone yourself twice as you would be doing the work of 3 Caregivers each and every day. And you would need to set up your home as though it was a nursing home. If you are doing this alone, then everything you need, like groceries, household goods, meds, will need to be home delivered.
In a nursing home, the Caregiver works one 8 hour shift and goes home, gets rested, and is ready for the next day. Plus they get vacation days and sick days. They know CPR, they know how to take blood pressure readings, they know all the tricks on how to get a patient out of bed to use the rest room or how to use a bed pan.... they know all the tricks for getting a patient to eat or to take their pills. And these are "young" Caregivers, who have the patience and the energy.
So I stress, think this all the way through, and read some other forums on this website about caring for one at home. Recently one of our regular writers here had a heart attack, she is doing ok now but the stress become overwhelming, even thought she thought she could handle everything.
even whats best for your mothers health isnt as important as doing what she wants , imo . my mom passed away a year ago and she did it entirely on her terms and at her home . she remained in control of her environment until we had to start the morphine the last few hours of her life .
aunt edna is in nh and medically better cared for but has no control over anything . i think if you and your mother want to try in your home care you should do it . you can educate yourself online as you go . if mom becomes impossible to care for at home just explain to her that nh is the form of hospitalization that the us govt affords and she needs hospitalization .
in hindsight my biggest accomplishment in caring for mom was not letting ANYONE take control away from her . she wasnt a child , she was a genius with dementia and several medical complications related to old age / disease .
If the life expectancy is less than 6 months, you could do it with at the very least an 4 hour a day paid caregiver so you can get sleep and do errands, or a family member helping. Caregiver burnout will be a huge problem. This can be managed.
One of the signs you are entering the dying stage is staying in bed all day. Call your Mom's Dr and get a referral to hospice. See what they advise.
Know you will be going through the grief process, the whole time. You will cycle through all 5 stages many times, can you handle that and still give care? Many people can't. There is no shame in acknowledging your limits.
I take care of my 93 year old Dad who has Parkinson's. It has been the most frustrating, rewarding, physical and mentaly challenging job I have ever done being a 24/7/365. The truth is as tired, as isolated, and as sad as I am; I feel like I am doing God's work, and I am not even religious. I have grown in compassion, intelligence, and strength, hell i know I can achieve anything now. I am happy, and Dad has a life.
I say do it, take care of her at home, but have the hard talk with your Mom as to how she wants to die. You will be a team, she must sacrifice too. If you try and can't do it, then you will know in your heart you gave it your all. If she is placed in a nursing home, have no shame, guilt, or regrets. Know that in some ways you will have a harder job as a nursing home caregiver. You will be dealing with many people to get your Mom good care, and many runs to the emergency room with all the grief and panic that instills. The more informed you are, the easier your job. Good luck we are here for you.
How do you get your mom up and to dialysis?
Taking care of someone who is bed bound is next to impossible. And someone who has to live their life in bed is vulnerable to many health issues like pneumonia, skin breakdown, and an exacerbation of whatever other health issues she already has.
If you keep your mom at home you're going to have to learn how to change her while she's in bed. YouTube has tutorials on how to do this. You will also have to learn how to change her bedding while she's in bed. It's a pain in the neck but it's doable.
You'll have to get a hospital bed so she can sit up to eat and drink and that has rails in case she gets it into her mind to get up one night to use the bathroom.
These are just a few issues you'll face trying to take care of your bed bound mom. You are liable to burn out quickly so it might not be a bad idea to have some options for when you get to the point where you just can't do it anymore. Tour a few facilities, have some connections to people who can help you place her if/when it comes to that.