mother is staying in the bed most of the time now do to dizzy spells, she is also a dialyis paient. they want to put her in a nursing home but she dose not want to go. I have no idea how to care for her but Im willing to try.
My experiences are a little different but much the same. Recommend visiting your nursing homes and checking them out for smells, staffing and mission. Strongly recommend calling your states elder hotline. They administer many grants that might be available to you for your mother. The Older American's Act of 1965 has provided me with wonderful resources. Your local Senior Center might be the administrator of this grant in your state. If you have any connection to the VA such as father was a veteran etc. you may find some assistance there. Good Luck. Nursing home was my last choice for my husbands care. He has progressed greatly at home in familiar surroundings.
i disagree with the person who said you can't take care of a person on dialysis at home! In home dialysis is safer than in center . anyone can be trained to do it and the equipment and supplies are paid for by insurance. Nursing homes cannot do it. the resident would have to be transported to a dialysis center for it.
My grandmother took care of my grandfather who was bed bound for years in their home. She did it as a labor of love, but it was not in her best interest. My grandfather did fine for years, but eventually, he had to go into a rest home. My grandmother suffered though and didn't live very long after that. I know she did what she thought was best, but I can't help but think we would have had grandma with us longer if she hadn't insisted on being his full time care provider.
Holler; far better to fix the NH issues. what are they "not being sensitive" to? My mom, who has vascular dementia, is very confused by her surroundings. "why don't they...?", is often what she wants to know when I visit. As in, why don't they know I'm in pain (did you tell them?) Why don't they give me a haircut? (you got your hair cut and styled last week mom). why do they put me to bed so early? (what time would you like to go to bed, mom?, we'll tell them). There have been some issues that have seemed practically insoluable, but we've worked at them all with the Director of Social Work and DON and they are getting ironed out.
hollerfatgirl, you will need to ask yourself will you be able to go to work during the day if you are up all night with your Mom? That is going to be a tough decision when and if that time comes. Your profile says your Mom has memory issues, and It's my understanding that with dementia/Alzheimer's there will be a time when a patient becomes a night owl.... with your Mom's case since she cannot walk, she could become very restless.
I placed my mom in a NH in Sept after taking care of her so well at home that Hospice released her. I paid 2 sitters to take care of her during the day while I worked. I recently started having back problems and thought the nursing home was the solution for mom because I get no assistance from my siblings.I am at a crossroads now because I want to bring mom back home. I just don't like the set up at the NH. When I have addressed certain issues with them they have responded in a professional way. But I don't feel like they are sensitive to mom's needs. It is stressful for me each time I go and visit mom when it is time to leave. If I move her back home I will have to have a ramp built onto my house to make it handicap accessible since she is in a wheelchair. I would also have to have a hospital bed and a lift since she does not walk.I can pay someone to stay with her during the day but everything would be up to me in the evenings and on the weekends. I don't know what to do home or NH?
you could get a lot of help from a private home care service and it wont cost as much as the nursing home- you could have better care at home because you would hire a "one to one" care situation for her, providing her a stronger bond with her caregiver/s and also being in the comfort of her own home. If you do choose this option, being that your mother is on dialysis, I would suggest getting a seniors only doctor or "geriatric specialist," that would take all of the traveling to doctors appointments out of the way. When elderly become too sick to stay home, or at a NH or in assisted living, they are always transported to the hospital unless otherwise directed, they are usually then kept in a hospital in an acute care ward, until well enough to be cared for under general care directives from their PCP. There are some not so good ones, some good ones and some very good ones, in all areas of care where long term facility, assisted care or home care, so do some thorough checking before signing up with anyone- I have found there are families that are finding care out of convenience and then I have found families that are only wanting the very best of the best of care- I guess that is a personal question for all families... and bottom line, is you can do A Lot for her- the classes are very simple, most caregivers in the nursing home took a two week training and a very short simple "interview" and got what they call a "certified caregiver" You can easily do this and share some of the feeding and companionship tasks without burnout, trust me, I am doing it for two and I have children as well, and I run a business.
We may be going off topic for Kathyedale's question, but my mother is in a memory care facility for dementia and ALZ. She has, we think, vascular dementia.Thus they feel they have to do the bp often. One of the reasons I did not want her there was because of the more severe residents around her, but my sister thought if mom got worse the transition would be less traumatic. I truly believe that she has suffered more from emotional depression than physical brain damage but that is purely intuitive and very hard to prove. I love your idea of folding socks.Something like that!! They really try to discourage any aggressive interaction from other residents, but believe me I see it all the time. Again, not enough caregivers to catch every movement, although each and every one works hard. It is very rare to see them have enough time to just sit and talk to the residents. Some of them do take the time even while their walkie-talkies are blaring. There is a music guy and an activities gal who is very nice and chats with all of them while they paint or make crafts. Unfortunately, mom doesn't like to do the craft activities and she is almost deaf but she has sat through the music session like a good sport on rare occasions.
Is your mom in a nh or a memory care in an assisted living facility? In memory care, which was part of AL, there really was no nursing, just distribution of meds and activities. Is your mom needing her bp taken often? I would certainly object to snother resident trying to get my mother up. That person needs to be kept busy with sn activity or a "job" like folding socks or such.
Dear ba8alou, Thanks. Did you visit more than twice a week? I am just curious to know about your facility. I do like their philosophy --to keep residents free to move about, but there just aren't enough caregivers to watch their every step. What I meant by people streaming in and out are nurses taking blood pressure, nurses dressing and skin tears she has, nurses giving medication, caregivers changing her and checking up on her, then the residents who wander in (sometimes they want to just talk and they babble on or try to sit down on her bed. They are pretty harmless for the most part but it happens every time I visit which is three times a week.) It just adds up to being constantly bothered. Sometimes she gets angry and wants no one to touch her and I completely understand! We have a few big residents who like to "help" her get up and they can be rough. Thank God we are paying for extra caregivers during the day to watch for that. It's difficult to get good around the clock care without annoying her, but I feel that might have been accomplished by keeping her in her home environment. They have very rigid cleanliness rules that sometimes lose perspective on human respect and dignity.
Keaton; you should know that NOT all memory care places are like the one that you describe. Having people streaming in and out of your mother's room all day? That would be completely unacceptable! My mother was only in Memory Care briefly, but all the residents were engaged in activities any time that we visited, and that was alot. and while there wasn't alot of staff, there was total supervision of the residents. No one was allowed in a room that wasn't theirs.
You can help mom to apply for in home services. If she qualifies for a home and community based waiver she may need to enter a nursing home for a short time. Contact your local Area Agency on Aging or Bureau of Senior Services. They will be able to assist you in helping your mother.
Actually, my mom went from skilled nursing to a residential hospice facility that was one of the nicest places she ever got to stay after she fell at home and never made it back. Maybe there is something like that near you? One of the real pluses was they had a day bed where I could even sleep over...
I think you are probably right about that. Don't know if it's possible now, as they have put her on Hospice, but I am going to look into it. Are you in California?
"Top of the line" isn't always the best fit. Small, crowded, low-rent and busy-happy might be better than big, expensive and well-landscaped but kind of a lowish staff ratio but crappy food and some degree of remoteness or uncaringness...these folks don't sound like they do more to look good than to be good, and probably don't deserve your top dollars. Seriously - there may be a much better place for less or the same costs - maybe even a board-and-care type of place. It is a lot of work to do and re-do the research though, that's for sure.
Dear Vstephans, Thanks for your suggestion. Our family researched and brought mom to a couple other senior memory facilities. This one is top of the line, has a beautiful garden and the rooms are large enough. She never wanted to leave home, cried the whole day when my family took her there. Believe me, some of the people who work there are diligent and caring. It's the system--doesn't work.The problem is residents who are bigger and stronger hurt my mother. She is small. The ratio is 8 residents for one caregiver. There are about 70 residents. If you have got a few situations, someone is going to be neglected. I visit a lot and I have seen quite a few ugly situations. I see things relatives never see as they get the resident "fixed up" for the visit. The food is monotonous, cafeteria style--not enough fresh food or variety. They have had scabies three times and other germs floating around in the last two years because residents return from hospitals with germs and other conditions. Residents stream in and out of my mother's room all day so that she really has no sense of privacy at all. At home with two caregivers is safer, more comfortable, in so many ways in my humble opinion (that is, if you can afford it.) As it is now, we are paying top dollar for this place and we have had to hire daycare on top of it to care for mom as she was getting hurt and falling while she was there. I have asked my family to reconsider taking her home, but they won't do it. They are renting her home now and it would become complicated, I guess.
Keaton, it sounds like a different facility would be a possible answer. It's wrenching to go through all the due diligence of finding a decent facility, let alone deciding and accepting that you need one...only to realize it's a bad fit. I had picked one for mom based on the things I liked in a facility - busy, happy, chatty, homey...but Mom hated it and we moved to one I thought was too sterile and boring, which suited Mom just fine. (Oh well - at least I know where I want to go if I ever need it.) In retrospect, its easy enough to see where I fell short on that one, though all the other ones I'd picked were great at least for a while, but at the time it hurt to realize I'd blown it.
Our family voted to send my mother to a memory facility, which I have regretted ever since she got there. We have had to pay for 12 hour care on top of what the facility provides as she is now getting toward hospice situation. They don't have enough help at the facility to watch her all day, which is what she needs. My mother is very mobile still in some ways and tries to get up, so not the same as your situation. Getting good nurse care and Hospice might be a better option for you. Personally, I don't see many people happy in this memory facility situation. Other residents can be dangerous, as well. My mother was injured by another resident. Just my two cents and I am sure other people have had different experiences.
I tried caring for my mother at home with nurses through out the day after her stroke. We did this for 3 months. Unfortunately it did not work out well. She is in a nursing home now and she seems much happier. She was very isolated at home. She only saw people when they came to visit and she was very angry, anxious and even paranoid at home. The nursing home got her on meds which has helped alot with these emotions and she has alot of friends and loves the activities and the activity staff. It was the hardest decision for me to make this choice for her but I feel that this was the best solution for her safety as well as my sanity. Good luck with your decision .
My own Mom will soon be going to an AL. She says "I'm only going because my kids want me there", but in fact Mom is making this decision herself because she has refused Meals on Wheels, has refused Medication monitoring, Lifeline,etc. She has fallen, taken wrong meds, doesn't eat regularly and is very weak, unsafe. Also cancels CNA's for baths, so there is nothing else to do, because we do love her.
At the very least look into visiting nurses, home health aides, and if her insurance could pay for them, or she can afford them otherwise. You are taking on an awful lot if the patient is bedridden and must be changed more than once during the day, as well as her clothing, sheets etc. A visiting nurse could at least do all of that stuff for you. Otherwise, no one wants to put a loved one in a nursing home, but sometimes it's the only way for them to get the care they need on the level they need it. Best of luck.
No, you cannot care for someone on dialysis at home. It requires expensive equipment. Being on dialysis is a very demanding routine, and requires medical knowledge which you do not indicate you have. Put her in a nursing home where professionals can care for her and you can visit. This would be in HER best interests.
You have a lot of varying perspectives here. Listen to your instincts. Are the dizzy spells related to meds? Find out and have them changed. If I was in your mom's place I sure wouldn't want to go to a nursing home either. Even the best of them need strong oversight by family because mistakes can and do happen, and the squeaky wheel does get the most attention.
kathyedale, don't forget at a nursing home your mother will be seeing different people throughout the day, and she can form new friendships with other residents, maybe make some new best friends.
Your Mom wouldn't be able to do that if she lived at home, you would need to be her entertainment all day long so that she doesn't get bored and depressed.
It is good to hear that you are willing to try and to make the effort to take care of your Mom. That is very noble considering how busy life is and how our careers can consume most of our time. Though you need to prepare a lot in keeping your Mom in good condition during her stay with you, accepting the challenge makes you one step ahead of the task. Is your Mom sick or suffering from a certain kind of illness? It would be much better to familiarize yourself with the disease or illness that she has. Knowing the early stages, signs of recovery or indications that she is getting worse or getting better is very important. The more you know about her disease, the more equipped you will be in taking good care of her. Are you married and do you have kids at home staying with you and with your Mom? It would be better to familiarize them with the condition of your Mom, her illness and basic information about the illness that she has. You still have to build and maintain a good relationship with the people you love and close to you even if you are taking care of your Mom. You need to create a balance between taking care of her and living a life for your own. Creating that balance could be difficult but it is possible. You’ll get the hang of it after a certain period of adjustment. Are you always present to take care of your Mom or assist her to the hospital during her dialysis sessions? If not, have someone who could bring her to the doctor. You could ask for hired help to do this or one of your elder kids can do the task for you. Of course you need to prepare yourself emotionally to the possible daunting ask of taking care of your Mom. You have no way on predicting if she will remain to be the sweet Mom you grew up with. Diseases can really take the best out of people so you need to be ready for the possible changes. It could also be an emotional whirlwind during the first stages of adjustments so prepare. The important thing here is you are willing. Willingness can bring you a long way, and most of the time helps in achieving success.
Please do not do it.
Getting one up to go to dialysis, would be a three person job. You need to do yourself a favor and call Hopsice.
24/7 care, would burn you out in less than 7 days.
Go forward with love, knowing that you have done so much already, and you are doing the best thing by putting her in the nursing home.
You have done VERY well.
If I move her back home I will have to have a ramp built onto my house to make it handicap accessible since she is in a wheelchair. I would also have to have a hospital bed and a lift since she does not walk.I can pay someone to stay with her during the day but everything would be up to me in the evenings and on the weekends. I don't know what to do home or NH?
One of the reasons I did not want her there was because of the more severe residents around her, but my sister thought if mom got worse the transition would be less traumatic. I truly believe that she has suffered more from emotional depression than physical brain damage but that is purely intuitive and very hard to prove. I love your idea of folding socks.Something like that!! They really try to discourage any aggressive interaction from other residents, but believe me I see it all the time. Again, not enough caregivers to catch every movement, although each and every one works hard. It is very rare to see them have enough time to just sit and talk to the residents. Some of them do take the time even while their walkie-talkies are blaring. There is a music guy and an activities gal who is very nice and chats with all of them while they paint or make crafts. Unfortunately, mom doesn't like to do the craft activities and she is almost deaf but she has sat through the music session like a good sport on rare occasions.
I do like their philosophy --to keep residents free to move about, but there just aren't enough caregivers to watch their every step. What I meant by people streaming in and out are nurses taking blood pressure, nurses dressing and skin tears she has, nurses giving medication, caregivers changing her and checking up on her, then the residents who wander in (sometimes they want to just talk and they babble on or try to sit down on her bed. They are pretty harmless for the most part but it happens every time I visit which is three times a week.) It just adds up to being constantly bothered. Sometimes she gets angry and wants no one to touch her and I completely understand! We have a few big residents who like to "help" her get up and they can be rough. Thank God we are paying for extra caregivers during the day to watch for that. It's difficult to get good around the clock care without annoying her, but I feel that might have been accomplished by keeping her in her home environment. They have very rigid cleanliness rules that sometimes lose perspective on human respect and dignity.
At home with two caregivers is safer, more comfortable, in so many ways in my humble opinion (that is, if you can afford it.) As it is now, we are paying top dollar for this place and we have had to hire daycare on top of it to care for mom as she was getting hurt and falling while she was there. I have asked my family to reconsider taking her home, but they won't do it. They are renting her home now and it would become complicated, I guess.
Personally, I don't see many people happy in this memory facility situation. Other residents can be dangerous, as well. My mother was injured by another resident. Just my two cents and I am sure other people have had different experiences.
Your Mom wouldn't be able to do that if she lived at home, you would need to be her entertainment all day long so that she doesn't get bored and depressed.
Are you married and do you have kids at home staying with you and with your Mom? It would be better to familiarize them with the condition of your Mom, her illness and basic information about the illness that she has. You still have to build and maintain a good relationship with the people you love and close to you even if you are taking care of your Mom. You need to create a balance between taking care of her and living a life for your own. Creating that balance could be difficult but it is possible. You’ll get the hang of it after a certain period of adjustment.
Are you always present to take care of your Mom or assist her to the hospital during her dialysis sessions? If not, have someone who could bring her to the doctor. You could ask for hired help to do this or one of your elder kids can do the task for you.
Of course you need to prepare yourself emotionally to the possible daunting ask of taking care of your Mom. You have no way on predicting if she will remain to be the sweet Mom you grew up with. Diseases can really take the best out of people so you need to be ready for the possible changes. It could also be an emotional whirlwind during the first stages of adjustments so prepare. The important thing here is you are willing. Willingness can bring you a long way, and most of the time helps in achieving success.