Can I take care of my Mom at home as well as a nursing home?

Thanks. We had a pretty good day yesterday.

You can help mom to apply for in home services. If she qualifies for a home and community based waiver she may need to enter a nursing home for a short time. Contact your local Area Agency on Aging or Bureau of Senior Services. They will be able to assist you in helping your mother.

Keaton; you should know that NOT all memory care places are like the one that you describe. Having people streaming in and out of your mother's room all day? That would be completely unacceptable! My mother was only in Memory Care briefly, but all the residents were engaged in activities any time that we visited, and that was alot. and while there wasn't alot of staff, there was total supervision of the residents. No one was allowed in a room that wasn't theirs.

Dear ba8alou, Thanks. Did you visit more than twice a week? I am just curious to know about your facility.
I do like their philosophy --to keep residents free to move about, but there just aren't enough caregivers to watch their every step. What I meant by people streaming in and out are nurses taking blood pressure, nurses dressing and skin tears she has, nurses giving medication, caregivers changing her and checking up on her, then the residents who wander in (sometimes they want to just talk and they babble on or try to sit down on her bed. They are pretty harmless for the most part but it happens every time I visit which is three times a week.) It just adds up to being constantly bothered. Sometimes she gets angry and wants no one to touch her and I completely understand! We have a few big residents who like to "help" her get up and they can be rough. Thank God we are paying for extra caregivers during the day to watch for that. It's difficult to get good around the clock care without annoying her, but I feel that might have been accomplished by keeping her in her home environment. They have very rigid cleanliness rules that sometimes lose perspective on human respect and dignity.

Is your mom in a nh or a memory care in an assisted living facility? In memory care, which was part of AL, there really was no nursing, just distribution of meds and activities. Is your mom needing her bp taken often? I would certainly object to snother resident trying to get my mother up. That person needs to be kept busy with sn activity or a "job" like folding socks or such.

We may be going off topic for Kathyedale's question, but my mother is in a memory care facility for dementia and ALZ. She has, we think, vascular dementia.Thus they feel they have to do the bp often.
One of the reasons I did not want her there was because of the more severe residents around her, but my sister thought if mom got worse the transition would be less traumatic. I truly believe that she has suffered more from emotional depression than physical brain damage but that is purely intuitive and very hard to prove. I love your idea of folding socks.Something like that!! They really try to discourage any aggressive interaction from other residents, but believe me I see it all the time. Again, not enough caregivers to catch every movement, although each and every one works hard. It is very rare to see them have enough time to just sit and talk to the residents. Some of them do take the time even while their walkie-talkies are blaring. There is a music guy and an activities gal who is very nice and chats with all of them while they paint or make crafts. Unfortunately, mom doesn't like to do the craft activities and she is almost deaf but she has sat through the music session like a good sport on rare occasions.

Do you have hospice involved? Are they visiting her at home?

you could get a lot of help from a private home care service and it wont cost as much as the nursing home- you could have better care at home because you would hire a "one to one" care situation for her, providing her a stronger bond with her caregiver/s and also being in the comfort of her own home. If you do choose this option, being that your mother is on dialysis, I would suggest getting a seniors only doctor or "geriatric specialist," that would take all of the traveling to doctors appointments out of the way. When elderly become too sick to stay home, or at a NH or in assisted living, they are always transported to the hospital unless otherwise directed, they are usually then kept in a hospital in an acute care ward, until well enough to be cared for under general care directives from their PCP. There are some not so good ones, some good ones and some very good ones, in all areas of care where long term facility, assisted care or home care, so do some thorough checking before signing up with anyone- I have found there are families that are finding care out of convenience and then I have found families that are only wanting the very best of the best of care- I guess that is a personal question for all families... and bottom line, is you can do A Lot for her- the classes are very simple, most caregivers in the nursing home took a two week training and a very short simple "interview" and got what they call a "certified caregiver" You can easily do this and share some of the feeding and companionship tasks without burnout, trust me, I am doing it for two and I have children as well, and I run a business.

I placed my mom in a NH in Sept after taking care of her so well at home that Hospice released her. I paid 2 sitters to take care of her during the day while I worked. I recently started having back problems and thought the nursing home was the solution for mom because I get no assistance from my siblings.I am at a crossroads now because I want to bring mom back home. I just don't like the set up at the NH. When I have addressed certain issues with them they have responded in a professional way. But I don't feel like they are sensitive to mom's needs. It is stressful for me each time I go and visit mom when it is time to leave.
If I move her back home I will have to have a ramp built onto my house to make it handicap accessible since she is in a wheelchair. I would also have to have a hospital bed and a lift since she does not walk.I can pay someone to stay with her during the day but everything would be up to me in the evenings and on the weekends. I don't know what to do home or NH?

hollerfatgirl, you will need to ask yourself will you be able to go to work during the day if you are up all night with your Mom? That is going to be a tough decision when and if that time comes. Your profile says your Mom has memory issues, and It's my understanding that with dementia/Alzheimer's there will be a time when a patient becomes a night owl.... with your Mom's case since she cannot walk, she could become very restless.

You are courageous and I can tell this must be the first time.

Please do not do it.

Getting one up to go to dialysis, would be a three person job. You need to do yourself a favor and call Hopsice.

24/7 care, would burn you out in less than 7 days.

Go forward with love, knowing that you have done so much already, and you are doing the best thing by putting her in the nursing home.

You have done VERY well.

Holler; far better to fix the NH issues. what are they "not being sensitive" to? My mom, who has vascular dementia, is very confused by her surroundings. "why don't they...?", is often what she wants to know when I visit. As in, why don't they know I'm in pain (did you tell them?) Why don't they give me a haircut? (you got your hair cut and styled last week mom). why do they put me to bed so early? (what time would you like to go to bed, mom?, we'll tell them). There have been some issues that have seemed practically insoluable, but we've worked at them all with the Director of Social Work and DON and they are getting ironed out.

My grandmother took care of my grandfather who was bed bound for years in their home. She did it as a labor of love, but it was not in her best interest. My grandfather did fine for years, but eventually, he had to go into a rest home. My grandmother suffered though and didn't live very long after that. I know she did what she thought was best, but I can't help but think we would have had grandma with us longer if she hadn't insisted on being his full time care provider.

i disagree with the person who said you can't take care of a person on dialysis at home! In home dialysis is safer than in center . anyone can be trained to do it and the equipment and supplies are paid for by insurance. Nursing homes cannot do it. the resident would have to be transported to a dialysis center for it.

My experiences are a little different but much the same. Recommend visiting your nursing homes and checking them out for smells, staffing and mission. Strongly recommend calling your states elder hotline. They administer many grants that might be available to you for your mother. The Older American's Act of 1965 has provided me with wonderful resources. Your local Senior Center might be the administrator of this grant in your state. If you have any connection to the VA such as father was a veteran etc. you may find some assistance there. Good Luck. Nursing home was my last choice for my husbands care. He has progressed greatly at home in familiar surroundings.