How does one tactfully go about getting a loved one to get tested for Alzheimer's or dementia?

We started with a neurologist with our Mom. He sent us to a top ENT for a thorough hearing test (followed by great hearing aids), then to a behavioral health provider to treat anxiety and depression. Addressing these two issues greatly improved Mom's engagement with others and her disposition. She still has to be reminded to wear the hearing aids though. The dementia still remains and progresses slowly. I asked her primary doctor if I should be making regular visits to the neurologist and he said no. They don't do anything else for her at this point (and medication is really not going to help). Her behavioral health provider told us the most important thing to do was to keep her physically and intellectually active. Even if she can't remember she had a great walk today and read a book, she still did.

Hi i dont know if this will help BUT heres what I did. My mum has had a carer for ten years who retired she only did one hour a week which was fine when mum was just here on her own and coping. The carer retired recently so I told mum although not too far from the truth that she needed to see a specialist doc for old people to determine how much more FREE care she could have a week and that she needed to do tests to get this! It worked and she was quite happy to go NOW I did not tell her he was a private and paid behind her back then took it out of her account later she didnt notice. HE ordered a brain scan and she now has an apt to see him for results in 2 wks. I am sure this is dementia and this forum will be able to answer any questions you may have. They will usually do a memory test but dont let this fool you as my mum passed as shes intelligent but then would do crazy things at home. I would be interested to know how you get on and in same boat here and dreading the outcome but fear the worst. Good luck and I hope this helps even sometimes a nurse can call and just examine her and sneak in a memory test but my best advice would be a geriatrician.

We simply stressed our concerns with the doctor, and then brought FIL to the doctor for a regular appointment. He asked him all kinds of questions while my husband sat behind his father so he could gesture to the doctor. For instance, the doctor said to my FIL, "I hear you've lost your wife. I'm so sorry, how long ago was that?" My FIL answered, "A month ago". His wife had been gone 17 years. My FIL can make perfect sense and seem OK, but obviously there is dementia involved. The doctor told my husband that it was not really worth further testing as no matter which type of dementia it was it was progressive. We agreed. He was 91 years old at the time, and to put him through extensive testing would have been confusing and tiring for him. However, if you need to know which type of dementia, you can bring her to a specialist. You don't have to tell her what the visit is for, just that she has a doctor's appointment that day.

I think what the nurse told you was bogus. He CAN'T drive any more, and I've never heard that as a condition.

This is what I found on the web.
Adult, Aging, and Medi-Cal Services
Alameda County Social Services Agency
6955 Foothill Blvd, Suite 300
Oakland CA 94605

Tracy Murray / Assistant Director, Area Agency on Aging TMurray@acgov.org

Keep us up to date on how you're doing. Especially if this Tracy Murray doesn't help.

Neatfreak - looking at it one way, you don't need a diagnosis, but you do want to rule out treatable conditions that can cause reversible dementia. I would NOT use the words dementia or Alzheimer's. Call it "getting forgetful," and stress the possibility of getting that problem fixed. It would be terrible to let his brain get worse and worse if all he needs is thyroid medicine or vitamin B12.

The reality is that it probably is irreversible dementia. My husband, 68, is getting worse, but he did improve a little with Aricept. I think he knows what is happening, but just doesn't want to have his nose rubbed in it.

As you learn more about dementia, you will learn how to communicate with him, and more importantly, how Not to. Arguing is a waste of time and causes extra problems. A large part of problem behaviors are just the disease, and he will be more and more powerless over them.

I am still able to have some life and some love and laughs every day. Let us share your journey, and maybe it will be a little easier.

My sister and I did this with my mom about 3 years ago. Her mom had AD, so when she started to have memory issues, we said we wanted to get her checked out. We made an appointment with the nearest neurologist, wrote the appointment on her calendar, and showed up to take her. I think she was actually relieved to have us take some of that burden off her. She was diagnosed with Mild Cognitive Impairment and put on meds. Now she is in the moderate stage,but she always tells us "I'm so glad for the (Exelon) patch, because my mom couldn't do anything when she was my age."

It will be well worth it to get your loved one to go. I would suggest you make sure you get him/her to a doctor who specializes in neurology, someone you like, and someone who will be there over time. That first neurologist up and moved away with little notice and we had a very hard time finding mom's records for the new doctor.

In my dad's case, it was not dementia, it was physical (very bad knees and a family history of diabetes). He's always avoided going to the doctor but we made him an appointment and took him. We told him, "We made this appointment for you because we love you, and you are going to the appointment because you love us." The good news is that he has no serious medical issues other than his knees. Best of luck to you!

Thanks for your input. Really relate to "shes intelligent but then would do crazy things at home." That's so understandable...no one, even doctors, would suspect. I have enabled the hoarding, losing things, having to repeat information, forgetfulness, compulsiveness. I feel so disloyal and a traitor for even writing this, but realize all of the above is getting worse as health is deterioating.

Ha! sorry but cant stop laughing "neatfreak" now would that have anything to do with her hoarding!!!!!!!!! I was going to call my name "butter in the breadbin" boy do you need a sense of humour here its what keeps us sane!!
YES to everything youve described was hoarding now its cluttering? shuffling about making a mess BUT shes tidying up (god help me!)
Ok in 3 yrs LOST: 3 hearing aids, false teeth almost a weekly thing now but cost her abit she now has 3 pairs!
Wearing odd socks? wearing only one shoe or slipper and dosnt know what my problem is?
You think its her hearing but when you shout she still dosnt get it?
In constant danger leaving things in her way and not understanding WHY its dangerous?
You go shopping and shell just head off in which ever direction shes wants OH but dont tell me.
Arrange to meet her in one shop spend 2hrs stomping around all the shops until you find her then shell say "that wasnt the plan"
I had a whole city police dept looking for her one day as i lost her at train station but she didnt look for me she went home boarded with no ticket meanwhile im a lunatic looking for my mum all over the city and she was already at home having tea!!!!!!!

Ah the joys of dementia! of course they are all perfectly logical and always right and dont ever forget that!!!

Did I mention butter in the breadbin and milk in the cupboard!

Sorry sometimes its funny! Please god your mum dosnt have this but we are all here to advise! GULP!

I wonder if you first need help for his depression before you even try to figure out what else is going on. I think some of his stuff may be pure depression. If you went at it from a mental health standpoint, I wonder if you could get some home help?

Call the Mental Health Association of Alameda Co - cost is free. Try giving them a call! And let us know what's happening - we care!! Their address is: 954 60th St. Suite #10, Oakland, CA 94608

When we met with the neurologist he said that nearly 1/3 of all suspected dementia patients improved with anxiety and depression meds. And read this about hearing: . Hearing is linked to decline in cognitive function. Your brain has to work harder to hear, and it takes those extra brain resources away from cognitive/memory functions. It's pretty eye-opening! We should all start getting regular hearing tests as we age. I don't even want to think about the generations after us who have been using earbuds to listen to music!