I suspect my sister is stealing from dad?

jbclyne (ALTCS): Since she is financially qualified but not medically qualified (she didn't score enough disability points), then maybe you can skip dealing with ALTCS and go through the regular medicad.

I would like to know what in the world is going on in the state of Arizona. The doctors have deemed my aunt unable to live on her own, and she qualifies financially for ALTCS, but they state that she does not qualify medically for ALTCS. We want whoever is taking care of our aunt to receive compensation for their work. We do NOT want her money and we are not trying to hide any money from anyone. How can a doctor say she must live in assisted living and now that all her assets are liquidated and spent on her care, she does not receive any help from the state funded ALTCS program? She has never been married and worked her entire life.

I seriously can't believe that she had a boob job on your dad's watch! SMH!

Tooyoungforthis, I think you are being judgmental without all the facts. Just because someone is concerned about their parent's finances doesn't mean they care more for money than Mom or Dad's quality of life. And just because someone else has POA doesn't give that person the right to cut off other family members from being included in a discussion of their parent's welfare. The designated POA is basically a manager of financial and/or medical affairs, not an overlord. If there is any indication that the POA is overstepping their bounds or acting unethically, then it is the DUTY of other family members to intervene, even if it means legal action.

I concur with others who have advised charlie75 to consult a lawyer if he is willing to pay the fees with no guarantee that it will get him anywhere. His assumptions may be way off base or right on target, but he won't be able to make a move without the assistance of an attorney who can ascertain if there is ample evidence of wrongdoing.

I question the motivation for your post & your "interest" in your father's finances. What I find interesting in your post is that you say nothing about your father & whether or not his needs are being met & he is being taken care of properly. What are you going to start legal proceedings for? If your father is being taken care of properly & his care is being paid for, you really have no grounds for a legal proceeding anyway and you'd lose quite a bit of money. Perhaps your sister got mad at you for asking about your father's back accounts because you made accusations or assumptions about her taking his money for her own use. Quite honestly, your father's finances are none of your business----you weren't named POA. She was.

The first & foremost question I would ask is if your father's needs are being met & he is being cared for properly. If he is in F/T care (which I think means "full time care"), he must be paying for it with his own money. It sounds as if your sister was just made POA 2 years ago. Is that how long your father has been in full time care? Where is he living to get the full time care? Is he in a long term care facility, does someone come to his home to take care of him, or something else? If he is in a long term care facility, he will have to use up all of his money before Medicaid steps in to pay the bills, and Medicaid will look back 5 years to see how he spent his money. If there are any amounts of money spent that did not go for his care, those amounts will need to be paid to Medicaid before they start paying the bills.

Another question would be if your sister's spending habits have changed dramatically in the 2 years she has been your father's POA. A "boob job" is not very expensive (in many places, a "boob job" is less than $5,000), and her boyfriend could have paid for his own home renovations. Saying that "she" did the renovations cannot be supported unless you know where the money came from to do the renovations. Unless you know about her boyfriend's financial status, making accusations is unfair. Maybe he inherited some money, maybe he makes enough money to do the renovations, maybe he was a great saver & had it in his savings account----there are any number of ways someone could have money to do house renovations. Maybe he took out a home equity loan. Maybe he borrowed money from a family member or friend. Maybe the work done to his house is a "payback" from people he has done business with in the past. You have no idea where that money came from. And, it really isn't any of your business.

I'd have to say, as long as your father's needs are being met, he is being taken care of & there have been no problems, leave it alone. Quite honestly, his finances are not your business because you were not made POA. Instead of worrying about his money, be happy that he is being taken care of. Go visit him & spend some time with him. Concern yourself with your father's quality of life instead of his money.

I would document everything you feel is not right. It could very well be your sister is paying for her enhancements and bills on her own but to be on the safe side, should it come to it, at least you have dates written down and what things are being paid for with funds that are in question. I know it's tough at times between siblings and I have one that tried to take our mom for almost everything she had before I had enough courage to step in and say enough. Now, mom is in a safe place and what's left of her life savings is safe as I oversee all her finances and care. My sibling is not involved at all. He wants money and that's it! I'm the horrible one, according to his drunk dials and if he were to ask me about her finances I wouldn't tell him! I do, however, direct him to call her attorney and talk to the firm that is now handling all of mom's legal matters. I know this may not help but you see, there is accountability on my part to protect me and to protect my mom as POA. The same should be with your family if in fact there is a feeling of wrong doing and not a feeling of what is fair. I suggest you contact an attorney of your own or that of your parents to put them on notice that you find some things not adding up. But make sure you realize the ramifications should the allegations be wrong. Scheming people always mess up and when they do it's obvious, so keep your documentation in a safe place and well organized for the day you may have that AHA moment. The bottom line is and I reiterate this to my sibling when he calls cussing me out and slurring his drunken words is this... Our parents worked hard so they can live as comfortable as they can in retirement and in need of future care. The only remaining funds left are for the sole care of our mom and nothing else. The money is not ours, it's hers and hers only. Then I repeat with the contact her attorney with any questions.

You should talk to an attorney, he/she will know the questions to ask, and help you think this through, before any action is taken.

Your father is the primary concern here, not your sister (or her feelings), and not you. Why would your sister refuse to share information about his finances with you. Is one consideration. I don't agree with others who are advising you to slow down, consider her feelings, etc.

In my professional capacity as a director of a very large hospice, we had many experiences of elder financial abuse. Frequently family members ( after the fact) would come forth with stories of concern, etc, all would say, we didn't want to cause problems. " I couldn't believe my brother / sister would do that to our dad/mother and so on".
You are clearly concerned, don't worry about her feelings, do what is beat for your father.

Hire an elder law attorney now! Having a boob job at the elder's expense is totally unacceptable among other things she has done! Good grief!!!!!

Thank you everyone for your honest advice. I will approach her again & hsve a chat. If that dosnts work ill talk ro a lawyer to see what my options are.

If the sister's actions are unusual prior to two years ago, she might have found herself a preditory boyfriend. Perhaps he said he would pay for the boob job, then didn't. Maybe he found the checkbook and wrote his own cheks for his home repairs. Maybe she doesn't know how to get herself out of this mess. If you approach the matter this way, the two of you could work something out.

There is a 3 year statue of limitation on theft in Missouri. And after three years we found that my sister had wiped out our father down to selling his hearing aids. Now he has zero and the time has run out to prosecute. So act quickly if you suspect any foul play.

more common than u think, my sister , honest until power of poa for my money has been honest. not so now, however , i know what is happening and she is raping my mother on a regular basis, giving money to drug addict brother, and his daughter as well as her own daughter and grandson. her plan is to deplete her assets before she dies.;there fore ;leaving all beneficiaries with nothing. money has definitely changed her, i am too old to take on the battle, but what goes around comes around.

If there's a chance that your dad might need Medicaid at some point, you might remind your sister that the application would trigger an audit of your father's finances.

My oldest brother cleaned my parents out---WITH their "permission". The other 5 sibs had no idea he had conned my folks into taking out a huge mortgage on their home, until we began hearing my mother voice serious concerns about their day to day expenses. Their home had been paid off. The loan was signed by both of them. I think they thought they were investing in my brother's crazy business schemes...bottom line, they had to sell the house to pay off the debt and had to move in with a younger brother and his family. This was the "dream home" my father built. It broke his heart.
Money and families--oil and water. You can certainly try to figure out where sis is getting all her money--but tread lightly. As has been stated already, your sister may just be OK with a lot of debt and is doing these things on credit or she makes more money than you'd think.
We never pursued my brother over this. What was the point? He's dead now, the money was wasted away. Mother has to live with this daily. Her favorite child, too. Just be careful and think it through, before you act.

I absolutely feel your pain. With that said I would have to agree with ferris1 above. If you have the money to pursue her legally, then great, go ahead. I do not have the money to pursue my sister who is the joint POA along with my younger brother. However, the two of them do not talk so my sister is acting as if she is the sole POA. Not a good situation and my mom lives with me. I know the stress that comes with the situation all too well. And I also agree with ferris1 in that families always show their true colors when money is involved. I also agree with everishlass in that someone who doesn't have anything to hide should be more than willing to show the information. I am finding that those with the control have very little involvement with the day to day care. It's heart breaking. At the end of the day, do what you feel you need to do so that you can live with your decision to act or not act. There is no right or wrong in this situation. Good luck and keep us posted in this awesome forum. Remember, take care of yourself.

Unless you have lots of money to prove your father did not okay such purchases, then drop it. He cannot testify, and it's her word against yours. Families always show their true colors when money is involved.

Agree with others, makes sure your sibling doesn't have the funds to pay for her own needs, as well that her boyfriend doesn't have funds to remodel his own home before you throw out accusations at them. If you take anything to court, it will be time consuming and costly for you, if they have their own funds and have paid for their own things, you'll look like fool in court and anything down the road that might come up and warrant another court visit, you will not be taken seriously, not suppose to be that way, but it will be. I've been on the other end of this, did home improvements, had work done on my car, my sibling assumed I took our dads money, reality is I'm financially far better off than my sibling, always have been, he's never known my bottom line because he's been very abusive and jealous towards me, in my case he's just looking for a means to hurt me. I sit and wait for him to make a court move, it would be very embarrassing for him, I've told him my home is paid off, my retirement is set I'm in good shape financially, he still can't wrap it around his brain. Just wants drama, so if it happens my frustration will paying for an attorney I really shouldn't need because of his stupidity, his frustration would be far worse, he has no money, the other half of the problem, it usually is, money.

Your nose is pressed to the glass right now about your sister's sudden wealth. Before you hire an attorney, think about her potential source of funds for her surgery and renovations. For example, how much does she make at her job, does her home have enough equity for an equity loan. These could be her sources of money or perhaps she is using credit cards to finance these purchases. BTW breast augmentation is less expensive than one might guess.
Also attempt to have another, but low key conversation with your sister. If she balks, then you should consult an elder law attorney pronto. However, I am not sure of your real concern. Are you afraid that your father will run out of money for his care or were you counting on an inheritance from him? Good luck.

Hi Charlie75. What means does Your Sister have? Is She well to do, and has She a great Job? If You do not think things don't add up, take Pamstegma's advice ASAP.

I trusted my sister.
then my dad passed away and I found out all the money was gone.
She had been forging checks for herself.
Please seek legal help.

Yes, seek legal advice. But think it through, too.

I assume that as far as you're aware your sister would not have resources of her own that would cover these expenditures?

Hence your reasonable concern that your sister has taken substantial amounts of your father's money and spent it in ways that cannot, by any stretch of the imagination, be described as being for your father's benefit.

Let's say that's so, and can be established. What then?

Your sister would be committing a criminal offence. Would you be content to let her take the consequences? No qualms about that?

It isn't that it wouldn't serve her right. It's that, you know, she's your sister an' all. I think most people would feel uncomfortable with landing a sibling in water that hot, however much she may deserve it.

So even though you have asked your sister about your father's finances and she became angry, I wonder if it might be worth braving her wrath once again and pointing out to her that her spending pattern looks deeply fishy and that she will eventually be called to account for your father's money. She may again refuse to discuss the issue openly; and then on her head be it. But you will at least have given her a chance to come clean, and then you can discuss what to do about it.

Run don't walk to an elder law attorney!

Eyerishlass is correct. As DPOA I answered all my brothers questions - even let him read moms will before she passed as it seemed important for him to do so. The only thing I kept "secret" was actual account numbers and passwords- so if something was amiss, it could only be one person. Now as executor of moms will, I'm taking the same approach- even invited brother along to the first meeting with the probate attorney. Do as Pamstegma suggested before your father is penniless and won't qualify for Medicaid due to the gifting stipulations.

Someone with nothing to hide would be more than happy to show you her record keeping.

Yes, you get a lawyer and seek Guardian status in court.